How do you handle unwanted treatment from other children outside of your home?

Nete - posted on 04/23/2011

maybe just tell your girls that the other kids might be feeling a little shy .... also consider an older child could have been thought not to talk to strangers but might not be able to differentiate yet

Rebecca - posted on 04/23/2011

I think just like as adults children also take time to get to know each other. Yes a hello, smile or wave is nice and respectful most definitely and children should be taught this. Children are all different personalities though and take time to make friends and get to know one another. I think just relax about it and by the end of the play time the children will most probably have made friends and then they probably wont want to leave their new friends behind. My little girl is really confident and always by the end of playing has made a new friend , but sometimes i have to tell her to not chase the other kids around as she wants them all to be 'her friend' :) where as my twin boys were very shy and rarely made friends a parks. I think we just need to remember that children are just like us adults - I personally find chatting to people i dont know easy but other adults I know take time and they arnt being rude just shy - kids are the same :) good luck with ur girls

Sherry - posted on 04/22/2011

I completely understand how you feel. My twins are three and they are mostly around me at home or around family who are always so ga ga over them and sweet and loving and show such enthusiasm when they get to see my kids and so when they are surrounded by that most of the time they naturally anticipate that reaction from anyone. One day when we were at church walking down the corridor my daughter waved to a little girl her age smiling and saying hello to her by name. The other girl hissed like a cat and demanded her not to look at her shoes that they were hers and my daughter can't have them! Her mother just stood there and said "she has a shoe fetish ha ha ha" totally ignoring the devilish hiss (it was really bizarre and creepy) My daughter was so taken back she hid behind me.
Another time a friend of ours was visiting and it was night time and my kids were saying good night to everyone. Well in there minds they go and hug us or our family and give kisses before bed and this friend didn't know our little tradition and reasonably may have not felt comfortable participating (very understandable). My kids stood there awkwardly waiting for their kiss and hug from them and you could see them back up and walk away confused. My daughter said to me as she was walking up the stairs that she was very sad. Of course I just explain that we don't ever have to hug and kiss when we don't want to and perhaps they didn't feel like it right now but they like you and they are your friend!
I want to protect them all the time and I feel so icky exposing them to this world we live in but of course I have to. I have to trust that my husband and I are going to help in instilling the confidence they need to face the idiosyncrasies of this world. It isn't a fair and just place all the time and I so wish it was!!

Teresa - posted on 04/22/2011

My girls never really noticed/cared if someone didn't say hi to them cuz they had each other.

My son (3 now) is the one that won't say hi to other kids most of the time. I TELL him to, but if he doesn't want to he won't. He is rather shy and I would be appalled if some parent took it upon themselves to call my son rude because of it. He is one of the sweetest, kindest, most generous 3 year olds I know (I deal w/ 2-3 year olds 3-4 times/week so know a lot of them). Not saying hi says nothing about whether a young child is rude or not.

Leanne - posted on 04/22/2011

The others have probably been taught not to talk to strangers. There are a lot of reasons why people don't respond that may have nothing to do with the greeter. Be honest wit them and as they get older they'll understand. It comes with age. Just help them to know that being polite is the right thing to do and dealing with those that aren't will come with age, but they should not be discouraged.

Emma - posted on 04/22/2011

I think this is more because of them being twins and are used to other children so more willingly talk to strangers. My two have no problem going up to people they don't know. I don't think the others are being rude maybe just surprised. I'd just explain to your girls that they are very lucky to have each other and other children might not have a brother or sister and are surprised when they talk to them but I wouldn't discourage their friendliness. Xx

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2011

i wouldnt take them away...id maybe walk over and say something to your daughter that the otehr child could have been taught not to talk to people they dont know and so they were listening to their parents...even young kids should be told that tlaking to strangers is not a good thing...im trying to teach my 2 yr old this as well as being respectful...or oyu could maybe tell them that the other kids was busy like some others have said...but dont put too much into it or they will think that they will always have to leave if someone doesnt talk to them or they could get overly hurt by it... :) your being a good momy and being protective and theres nothing wrong with that at all... we as mothers all need to be careful what we teach our kids...i am working on this as well so no criticism :)

Tanya - posted on 04/18/2011

and aren't most kids told not to talk to strangers, even children, my son tried to talk to everyone he usually gets an answer but if he didn't and was upset i think i would say o i guess that boy/gurl is to busy right now lets do this/something else

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/18/2011

Yeah, I wouldn't keep doing that with your kids. Afterall, how many people if you wave at them happily and smile are going to do the same back? Our society is busy, self occupied, insecure, and a plathora of other things going on. Kids need to learn this. They need to know sometimes others won't want to interact all the time- even their best friends! You've got to teach them its okay. Not the greatest, but ok.

I'd join a local mommy group- I did and it's been wonderful! :D

Chairettie - posted on 04/18/2011

You never know what others are teaching their children or what that child maybe feeling that day - I wouldn't pay any mind to it unless your child is upset and just explain the other child can not talk/play right now. I can imagine how hurt you must feel for you child :o( so we need to teach them and show the the real world and not shelter them too much.

Julie - posted on 04/18/2011

How about looking at this from another perspective...I have twins that both have Autism. One is high functioning and the other is at the complete opposite of the spectrum. She doesn't wave, she doesn't speak, and she isn't a big fan of eye contact. These things are wide spread in the Autism world. So these reactions from other kids may not be shyness or rudeness. Now, I'm certainly not trying to imply that all these kids that you run across have autism, but with the rising rate of ASD, I bet a good handful are. So maybe instead of teaching our kids that if someone doesn't respond exactly the way our society thinks they should, we should be rude or get away from them, maybe we should be teaching them that everyone is different and will respond to things differently. And that's ok.

Jenn - posted on 04/18/2011

I can't say I would personally even think about it. A lot of kids are shy and don't just go around talking to or waving/smiling at strangers. I would just let it go and let your kids play and have fun. If they are truly upset and are running to you crying, then I could see trying to calm them down, but I still wouldn't leave the park/library.

Louise - posted on 04/18/2011

Why don't you join a mums and tots group where your children can interact with other children there age and learn how to socialise. Not every one wants to talk to you and this is a lesson that all children have to learn. The world is not a nice place at times. I know exactly how you feel my daughter wants to talk to everybody and says hello to anybody who looks at her or she will approach them in the park to have a chat. Some of the mums are just as rude as the children and just totally ignore her. It worries me sometimes how friendly she is because I am worried she would go off with anybody if I was not watching her like a hawk. She has so much trust in people and knows nothing yet of stranger danger. What a shame we have to teach our children this.

My advice is let them form relationships in a friendly environment like a mums and tots groups, where you can make friends to whilst your children play with new toys and learn how to interact.

Dawn - posted on 04/18/2011

You shouldn't react by taking your kids and leaving. Distract your girls by playing a game with them while you are at the park. Then when you are away from the park or where ever you can sit your girls down and explain to them that the other childs parents didn't teach them to be respectful to others or that maybe the child is shy. Make sure your kids know that it's not them.