How hard is it to rasie twins alone?

Rovhelle - posted on 09/27/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Hi, I am about to have my twins in 10 days! I am really nervous because I don't have a lot of people there to help me. I do have two other kids they're 3 and 7. I guess what I wanna know is if there is someone out there thats been in this situation and what did you do? Maybe I'm in denial but I keep telling myself i'll be fine and it won't be hard, i'm just dreading a reality check.

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Kristi - posted on 10/22/2010

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Well i won't lie to you the first few months were a blur and yes it was hard but what else are you gonna do? You do the best you can with what you've got and go with your gut or your mommy voice. If you can get a schedule together as fast as you can. I wish that i did it alot sooner but in the beginning my ex-husband was around and i did have family and great neighbors too but they aren't there when its bedtime right. By the time mine were 2 months old, everyone figured that the stress of twins drove my ex back to work. I also had an 8 yr old at home too and let me tell you , you'll be amazed at what they can do. My daughter was telling and showing everyone what to do and how to do it and god forbid you did something wrong, you got the wrath of Chelsea. Be careful though, in the beginning my daughter was told by so many people that she was gonna be the best big sister ever and such a big help to us that she took it literally. She thought it was her job and thats what she HAD to do. She wouldn't go outside, she wouldn't play with her friends because she had to help me. I had to tell her to go play with her friends and be a kid that the twins were mine and daddy's job not hers. She was sooo relieved and much happier after that. She didn't mind helping or doing things when she wanted to but didn't have to. They take words very seriously so pick them wisely. If its possible whenever you can take advantage of any help offered you , don't try and do it all yourself. Family and friends or even trusted babysitters can do wonders for your well being. You need a routine and try not to stray from it or let others mix it up for you, because it takes forever to get it back. Whatever works for you go with it don't worry about what other people might think. You've been through two babies already so you have an idea of what to expect just think double. If your lucky they won't want everything at the same time, even though they are twins, mine were not too bad but I don't think I would have been able to do both at the same time. Mine instead did things one at a time, so i had the opportunity to change, feed, burp and put back to sleep before the other one woke up. They weren't too far apart that I got no sleep at all but it was enough time inbetween and that worked for me. Mine also did not sleep in the traditional bassinet or crib either, they had bouncy chairs with secure straps so I really didn't need to worry about SIDS. My doctor didn't have a problem with their sleeping area so neither did we( not to say i didn't hear about how unsafe it could be though but it worked) Also if you find yourself feeling stressed remember that babies won't fall off the floor and it won't hurt them to cry for a bit either while you collect yourself. Only you will know what their cries mean and when its a serious cry or just a complaint.My twins are now 13 and my oldest is 21 and a new mom herself ( Yes I'm a grandma at 42 and its great) they all survived and so did I although I think babies are much easier than teenagers. LOL try not to overthink things too much, don't worry about what other people think( they dont matter to your kids) and go with your own instincts, no one knows your kids better than you, just remember that. I hope this helps a bit. Kristi

Donna - posted on 10/22/2010

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It can be difficult I won't lie to you. When I had my twins, I had two others 4 & 6 and my husband traveled, I was teaching full time and going to school to get my master's. There are alot of sleepless nights and wondering how you can manage, but you do. It is all worth it as you watch them grow into strong young men and later adults. Keep the faith.

Carly - posted on 10/22/2010

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My children are 4 yrs old now, but these were my experiences when I was single. It was pretty difficult most of the time. I left their dad when I was 7 months pregnant and was basically by myself until I got married about a year ago. There were times that they would cry for hours because my son had colic and I couldn't handle it. I made sure that they were safe (usually in their crib) and I would walk out of the house and sit on the porch to just breathe (or cry - whichever felt better at the time). I was also a full time student and was in the middle of battles with their father so I was very stressed.

I breast fed until they were 5 months old and I would do so by placing both of them in their car seats (infant carriers) next to me. I had two pillows and I would pick up my daughter first (because she fed well and could latch on just fine) and get her settled and then I would reach for my son and do the same. I also fed them from the bottle in their car seats. They were the kind that rocked and you could flip the handle down and prop up the seat. When we traveled I carried an insulated bag with bottles that were pre-warmed and a bag of formula with the scoop. I also had a travel bottle warmer (like the hand warmers that you snap and they heat up) with me at all times because my son hated anything cold or room temperature.

I never ever made it a habit to keep them in the bed with me because I had heard how hard it was to get them to sleep on their own later on. I took every opportunity to sleep and of course the best time is when they are down for a nap. It was also difficult to travel with them. UGH all this recollection is stressing me out now! :)

Overall so far it has been very difficult but I have learned a lot and have figured out a lot on my own. I learned how to make it on very little resources and very little help. Hang in there and don't give up or think that it will never get better because it will!

JESSICA - posted on 10/21/2010

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hello i am the mother of 9 year old twin boys and a 6 year old boy and it was very hard.after i had my twins i didnt have much help or support from anyone so i guess i was on my own until they were 2 years old.i started looking for outside support and i found a program where a lady would come by and help me with my kids and teach me different techniques to use during difficult times.if i may ask where are you from?i hope this helps...thankyou jessica

Jaye-Charisma - posted on 10/17/2010

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Ok I'm going to tell you there are hard day and easy ones a head for the first year, until you have a schedule (make one and follow it - it will make it easier). I'm in the military a single mom with twin 2 year olds and an 8 year old. If you need an adult moment you can email me, and I'll send you my number - you can do it and let the older siblings help with diapers, pacifiers, anything (surprisingly they want to help).

Jamie - posted on 10/06/2010

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I wasn't in your exact same shoes, since my husband was around to help me, but I was the odd man out according to my family. Everyone told me "you need help for those babies when you come home with them." And I didn't WANT the help. I wanted to go home with them and figure things out on our own. I had a 4 year old and a 3 year old as well when they were born and i just didn't want the commotion of a house full of people all the time interrupting whatever schedule we figured out.
I agree very much with the getting them on the same schedule early on. When one of my twins needed to eat, we'd get them both up to eat. When one would nap, we'd put both down for a nap. And before long they wer eon the same schedule. That helped so much!!!

Good luck on the birth of your duo!!!

Whitney - posted on 10/01/2010

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even though I am not in your shoes, I do have a husband at home who is very helpful and my b/g twins are 1 month old today. The best advise that ahs saved BOTH our sanities is keeping them on a schedule. If one wakes up at 2 am hungry, feed him/her then wake the other and feed them as well. that way you are up every 3-4 hrs feeding both and not every hour feeding one then the other the next hr. Good luck to you.

Robin - posted on 10/01/2010

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I have twin girls age 7...8 next month.....I did it alone for the first 5 years of their life.....I made myself think it would be harder then it actually was.....you will find a routine that works for you and it will be no problem at all....if you dont already have any of those cresent shaped pillows, I highly recommend that you get a couple because those were my life savers at feeding time....they always wanted to eat at the same time...you will be fine....Best of luck to you!!!!

Melanie - posted on 09/30/2010

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I am facing the exact same thing as you Rovhelle. My husband and i have seperated and so far he has not shown any interest in our 2 kids Noah 5 and Hannah 3. I am due Jan 6th with b/g twins. I too am nervous about how i will deal with raising 4 kids on my own. I guess i can't really be much help to you but i do agree with what the other mums have said.

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I agree totally with getting them on the same schedule that is the only thing that saved me alot of times.. I can say those first months are the most difficult with nightly feedings and them adjusting to sleeping but once they start sleeping through the night and able to actually do things like play and so forth it gets much easier to get things done.. Yes you do get frustrated and stressed and tired but it will get better promise.. Just take a deep breathe and accept any help available so maybe you can take a break.. Good luck :)..

Regina - posted on 09/27/2010

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Hi, Rovhelle
My twins are 5 years old and it is still a challenge but it did get easy. Here are my suggestions: give baths at night hope that it will make them sleep longer, if you can, nap when they are napping, and give each of your other children a task to do for the babies then reward them for a good job at the end of the week. Also, trust your motherly instance to keep your peace of mind.

Christina - posted on 09/27/2010

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To be honest it will be hard at first. I was on my own since my girls were born. There were times that I just wanted to scream and cry. But then you adjust and you are fine. Get your babies on a schedule, on the same schedule. And Trish gives you very good tips too. 2 boppys is very helpful and if you are not breastfeeding then getting the bottles ready ahead of time does save some of your sanity :o) But just take it one day at a time, dont stress on the little things and just enjoy every moment. You will be fine, you are not alone in this. Maybe your other 2 children can help out too with smalls tasks, like getting clean diapers or maybe the older one can even help feed the twins. Stay postive mama it will be okay :o)

Christine - posted on 09/27/2010

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My Husband left for deployment 4 weeks to the day after my twins were born. Was gone 6 months home barely 3 weeks and then left again for another 6 weeks. I'm not gonna lie but it can be hard at times but you will learn to adapt to what you have to do. Just remember to sit down and take a break sometimes and breath

Trish - posted on 09/27/2010

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My husband is in Iraq and my twins are almost 8 months old, I have done it by myself since they were born. It has been very difficult but you do learn to adapt take ANY help anyone offers you will need it. I have made it on my own and you will too, try your best to get them on the same schedule that is what saved me. Get 2 boppy's so you can lay them in there to feed them at the same time, pre fill bottles with water (to mix with formula) before you try and go to bed so all you have to do is warm them up and set diapers and wipes out so they are easy to access. I just tried to have everything ready so I wasn't fumbling in the middle of the night. You can do it it just takes some getting used to. I hope this helps a little. Good Luck!!

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