How to get my twin girls to get along?

Sherika - posted on 07/06/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My five year old twin girlls constantly argue about everything. Whether it be a toy, a book, or whatever. One twin always compromise and give in, which make the other twin the winner and always in control of everything. I never fought with my sister, well not like this...lol. What should I do to get them to stop?

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Jenny - posted on 07/20/2011

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I encourage my girl (the dominated twin) to speak up for herself. I tell the domineering one to learn how to share and be respectful of her sister. I do not let the domineering twin win.

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They don't stop...... 9.5 years in and my identical twin girls have been fighting since before they were born ('kickboxing' each other in there.. lol).

Ditto Dorene on the best of friends and worst of enemies. They love each other to death.... and sometimes you wonder if one is REALLY going to kill the other. ;)

Dorene - posted on 07/18/2011

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Taking the toy away and giving it a time out is truly the solution. I have 10 yr old boy/girl twins, and we use this strategy too. It really does work, and as mentioned in other posts, does take time. My 2 are either "the best of friends" or "the worst of enemies" as I once read in a book on twins. Very true! Be consistent and persistent. Don't expect them to always get along either. They won't. But they do need to learn how to disagree respectfully, which only comes if you teach them. I believe that's one of the hardest things to teach because it takes a maturity to appreciate the concept.

Michelle - posted on 07/17/2011

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I have identical twin 4 year old boys who also fight over everything! The thing is, the dominate one is usually the "B" boy. It changes though. Sometimes it is "A" boy. They fight over toys, books, clothes and what cup to drink out of! "B" boy has the worst temper and is extremly stubborn.

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It is normal. But what we usually do is take the toy away from both. I tell them, figure it out, or the toy goes away. Or, I intervene and give the toy to one child and tell the other one he will get a turn in 5 minutes. It all works for me. But, you do need to teach them how to interact and play properly, and talk things out. Believe it or not, kids need to learn how to play.

Stacie - posted on 07/11/2011

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my boys are the same way. one is more dominate then the other. so when it comes to toys and fighting over them. i take the toy away for awhile telling them if you can't share than no one gets to play with it. it works , it takes time but it does work. they first time i give the toy back to legnth of play time and sharing gets longer with every time they get it taken away for fighting. we have a lot of toys that are the same but they fight over it anyways. taking the toy away is like having a time out. i also let them work through some things on their own and i'm starting to notice that the more dominent twin doesn't always win now. of course if the agrument is getting way out of hand i step in.

Nete - posted on 07/08/2011

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give the TOY a time out..... you have to be really consistent!!! but it will pay off... you fight about it ..you get one waring to share ,..if not its gone for day or a few hours .. don't let one bully the other ... we use all the ''super nanny'' tools to a T and once they get that ...hey what a minute these are the rules... you will find they will comply and get back to bliss ...if you not nice you will get nothing... if you on the other hand treat each other with love and respect (parents too) and follow the simple rules to be loving and caring ...well then you get everything... its a no brain'er but it does take repetition to install ...

Laura - posted on 07/08/2011

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There is not much you can do. I think it is normal at this age to have power struggles between twins. Even though one twin always seems to come out the winner, by interfering on the second girl's behalf you will only underline the imbalance of power and your compromising twin will never learn how to stand up for herself. Short of conflicts that put someone in physical danger or use unacceptable language/hurtful name calling etc, I just tell my girls that they need to work it out themselves and they usually do. When I really can't stand to listen to them I tell them to go in their room and close the door if they are going to continue to argue. (I'm hoping) that this too shall pass!

Tally - posted on 07/07/2011

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I will speak as someone who can't get along with her sibling. I'm sorry but there is nothing you can do. You can mediate when a situation gets heated but if there is a personality conflict then it is what it is...it's their personality. They have to come to terms THEMSELVES to get along/work things out or compromise. Obviously, they are not old enough to know what compromise is. However when a situation arises then that is your opportunity to teach them what compromise is. This is not a guarantee that this is what they will do in the future but at least you would have known that you have done your part as a parent.

To date, as a woman in her 30's , my sister & I still don't get along & I've seen it make my Mom cry so don't be surprised if you see this continue between your twins. Continue to live as an example & be a good parent. That's all you can do. Good luck!

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