Tracey - posted on 06/15/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )
Tracey - posted on 06/15/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )
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Ciera - posted on 06/18/2011
This is actually something my husband and I also had to deal with. Thankfully we both see perfectly eye to eye o it. My extended family ALL lives in Alabama but my immediate family lives in California and we are all VERY close. However, his ENTIRE family lives here in California within 30 minutes of us and yet, I think we see his extended family less than mine! Those few times a year we do see them, we get the the questions, "I really want to have them over to spend the night". They are nice people and all but honestly, I just don't trust them to take the care with my kids that I do. I thought it would be difficult bc I let them stay the night with my family as early as a few months old, but now that they are 2, I STILL don't even let his family babysit. He actually was the first one who brought it up that he did not want them staying with any of them until they were older and maybe not even then. I was so glad he saw things my way!!! I don't want ANYONE else disciplining my kids that I can't ABSOLUTELY trust to handle it the way I do and that is a major reason but another reason is that twins, though mine are not difficult at all, they can be tiring and people who are not their parents get much quicker worn out than even I do and I would never trust anyone to stay on top of things the way they should. Anyways, all that to say, you are absolutely right! If you even have the slightest hesitation about something, they are your kids and God gave women intuition for that very reason, to protect their families from even the things unknown.
Teresa - posted on 06/18/2011
Day trips w/ people they barely know? Never. If they want to spend time w/ your kids they can start to get to know them on their own turf and work up from there. If they aren't willing to do that.... they don't have what it takes.
My girls are 9.5 now and do LOTS of day trips w/ quite a few different people (and some overnight trips as well), but I would STILL never send them off w/ people they didn't know unless someone that they DO know well is along also.
I DID leave them w/ the in-laws once (we were visiting them) for about 3 hours at just a year, but they were napping half the time AND 2 family members that the girls knew were around.
Sara - posted on 06/18/2011
My twins did not stay ANYWHERE with ANYONE until my friend passed away when they were 2. And then it was only while my husband worked and I was out of town for 3 days. It was with their auntie they saw all the time. For me if my kids don't know or feel comfortable with them the answer is Never! They're 8 now and I still wouldn't do that to them.
Laree - posted on 06/18/2011
I agree with Candi taken in account of the ages and family situation
Candi - posted on 06/18/2011
Lordy no! Your babies are just a year! That means that you are the arbiter of what's best for them. You're doing a fantastic job of ensuring they are safe and comfortable. Tell anyone that if they want to take your kids, they have to get to know them and earn your trust first! (Although, you may wish to phrase it a little more diplomatically than I just did. ;o) )
Jacqui - posted on 06/18/2011
Hiya :) I've just read Ur post. To b honest I totally agree with u,they r Ur girls & if family members on his side want to take Ur girls out then they should make an effort to get to no them first. If Ur girls get upset & stressed when Ur not there then it's un fair to leave them. I'm exactly the same & my boys r nearly 6!!lol if it means that much to the family then it shouldn't b a problem for them to get to no them first. Do what u feel is best,Ur their mum :) x
Laree - posted on 06/17/2011
They will grow up scared and cry at their own family they don't get to see often and know.I think 18 months to 2 years with people you feel fine about,maybe they can spend time with these realitives with you a little before the visit and see that its fine to be with them.You have to gradually let go or you will have kids that are a true pain to you and others.But always in situations you feel comfortable in.My grandchildren live 2 hours away, it was tough for mom to let her travel that far ,afraid if she was scared or wanted to go home it was too far to just put her in the car and take her home,she came to our house the first time and loved it didn't want to go home after 3 days,now I take her and her 2 1/2 year old brother for 3 to 4 days at a time its good for mom and its good for the kids toget a break from one another.I'm sure once you give in and let them go and you see that you and the kids make it just fine the second time won't be as hard.My twins are 27 and Now I'm the grandma and love it,it will all work out just let them go with your blessing and let them know how many day and calling at the end of each day letting them tell you what they are doing is good for the both.Good luck,don't worry too much mom it will all work out.
Andrea - posted on 06/17/2011
I was th inking one more thing. Why not ask them how old their kids were when they were let go with a family member who visited sporadically. I don't think it is being rude, just make a conversation to get them to think. You do that with your family, your DH will do that with his own family. Maybe they will remember and they will have a "aha" moment and will agree with you.
I wonder maybe they think because the babies are so small they can just put them into the stroller and walk and they don't require anything else to do. I agree, the family would need to visit more to develop a meaningful relationship and it doesn't have to happen at 1 when they are still bonding with you. They won't miss a chance, many years are available to develop that kind of relationship. My kids know they are not safe with grandma. They would love to go exactly for that reason, but like I said they are 6.5 and they want to test out their freedom and in dependence. They know grandma has no rules. My kids are not stupid either but I am smarter - they still believe that. ;0)
Nancy - posted on 06/17/2011
They are still really young. I didn't let my twins go anywhere without me or my husband or without someone that they felt safe comfortable with ( like grandma or auntie ) until they were 4. If they want to see your girls and have a closer relationship with them then they need to make more of an effor to come over and visit. Always trust your instincts and don't let in-laws bully you into doing something you don't think is best for your kids. Especially if they don't respect the rules you have put in place.
Heather - posted on 06/17/2011
My twins (girl/boy) are 20 months old and they don't go anywhere without either me or my husband. I also insist upon having two grown-ups at all times when we do things like go to the park or the pool or anything where they can possibly go in two different directions! But I do try very hard to get them surrounded by lots of other people to reduce stranger anxiety and be more social. And they can definitely be in another room with other people. They are really starting to get used to a lot of our friends. All of our family members live on the east coast and we are in Iowa, so we haven't run into the whole issue of grandparents wanting to take them for the day or something like that. It's true that most people don't fully grasp how different twin toddlers are than singletons and how much energy it takes to keep them safe!! YOU are the mom - trust your gut on what you think is appropriate.
Andrea - posted on 06/17/2011
Oh wow, one year old? My kids are 6.5 and I still go with them when they are on field trips with school. With family I wouldn't let them go with anyone until at least 5 and not to sleep over, just for a day or a few hours. They are just now starting to get that they need to stay together, it is harder to lose 2 than 1, and my kids need constant supervision because they come up with ideas a singleton would not. I think it is up to you to decide when it is the right time. You know your kids. If you don't think they are ready then keep them with you. BTW my kids would not let anyone handle them, they wouldn't even want to sit on grandma's lap until they were 3ish. I didn't force them either. They have the right for their space whatever small it is. People who don't live with toddler twins don't know what can happen. We had all the accidents that required a visit to ER when grandma was here to help watch so I could clean the house. I don't ask for watching them anymore and she doesn't volunteer. She realized it isn't like watching a single baby who will be happy to sit with her. Twins entertain each other. They hardly need others, they get better ideas by themselves. LOL
Angela - posted on 06/17/2011
No way! Our girls are 2 and I don't send them off for the day without me. Especially if the people you are talking about do not respect the rules you have set for your children. It also drives me crazy that my inlaws want to "borrow" our girls all the time to show off to their friends. They love them but they don't listen or watch what we do which drives me crazy. They want to make their own rules which makes me nervous because they don't live with twin toddlers and don't know what they are capable of getting into or how quickly they can get out of sight.
Our girls were preemies and have been sick a lot so I also feel you on not wanting to pass them around to strangers, even if they are family. I think you need to trust your instincts and ignore the people giving you flack. When they're ready you'll know. Until then I agree that you maybe subject yourself to more family outings where you can step back a bit but still be there if needed.
Heather - posted on 06/15/2011
They will never get to know them if you don't let them be with them. However, if they don't follow your rules, that's something totally different. I defiantly think that at 1 they should be allowed to be held and play with others. It's how they learn to be social. A certain amount of stranger danger is a good thing, but you don't want them to think that their family is full of strangers. Maybe start inviting family over more often so that they can get to know them in the comfort and safety of their own home? They can't say you're the problem if you invite them and they don't come.
Stacie - posted on 06/15/2011
the age is hard to say. as the kids get older in these next few years its really hard to keep up with them. i have 2 1/2 year old twin boys. and about 15 years experience in child care. from what i know the ages from 1 to 3 are the hardest. children have selective hearing. they listen when they want to. my boys like to go in opposite directions, which comes to hard decision to make which one to run and get first. also from experience we let some freinds take our boys to the arcade at a restruant we were just in the other room and went to check on the kids and they had one climbing in the basket ball game and other climbing in the sket ball game in a matter of minutes. so i would say if you can't trust the people takeing your kids and don't know weather their capable of watching them both, then i wouldn't let them go alone. so maybe you can figure away out to convince them to make the outing a family outing where everyone goes and you can let them take the lead at the places but are watching to step in when needed.