Live in Nanny for TWINS NEEDED

Cindy - posted on 06/22/2010

Hi,
I am a friend of a 49 year old with preemie twins who are 1 month old. They have a live-in nanny, and are having trouble knowing which responsibilities to delegate. My friend doesn't even have time to see her email, let alone post here or anywhere else. I am wondering, what a nanny should make, and how many hours should they be putting in, and do they have breaks, specifically monitored? I am staying with my friend and have actually not HAD children, though I taught music classes with (3-month old-babies up to 5 year-old children - parents or moms or nannies present in the class) for 8 years. I am just trying to help my friend out, as she is not sure how to delegate responsibilities, and is mindful of her nanny not "being a slave". What is to be expected, for what $$?
I can be responded to at cynthiaspeercontact@earthlink.net if necessary. Thank you so much!!!

Ciera - posted on 11/20/2009

I dont think you guys are understanding Rebecca. She is stating (accurately) that financial help is help. I am raising my twins by myself. I have financial help and that is IT! but I am not going to say that the finances is not help because how would I survive without it? Financial help is more help than having someone here changing diapers with me. Taking care of them is easy. I never have thought it was more difficult than only one. But even if I had one, financial help would still be help. You are all getting too offended. If I had a nanny to watch them so I could earn the money, that would be even harder than just staying here taking care of them while someone else (my husband) pays for it. If you are with your kids but someone else is earning money to help, you cant act like you're the sun and moon because you're the one who is raising them. Just get rid of that person and see how well you do then. (and no, this is not my husband writing this and I will probably not tell him what I am telling you because I don't want it to go to his head, but I would not be able to do this without him and I don't think he has changed a single diaper or made a single bottle or given a single bath since they were in the hospital.) As for you single moms who are working and taking care of them on your own, be a little more appreciative for the babysitting or nannying you have. Temporary or 24/7 it doesn't matter, paid or not, it doesn't matter. These people ARE, in fact, helping you so you can help your children. Quit acting like they "owe it to you". they don't owe you anything even if you do pay them. I guarantee you are not paying them what your child's minutes are worth. It's not like you're paying for a candy bar. Anyways, if you would like a nanny and have the means to get one, good for you! If you like to take care of your children on your own, good for you! everyone is different and has different lifestyles and different situations. Cindy, if I were you, I would call an agency because then you know you've got background checks done and everything. You also could all a local church. Solmetimes people are in a situation where they don't have a place to stay. I always knew if I had a nanny, I would like it to be someone like and older but capable widow or something liek that....yeah Brady Bunch-ish I know. But hey, making sure it is someone safe for the babies is the most important

Matarena - posted on 11/19/2009

Oh wow all these things and what not about getting help to help you out.. I have twin boys 6 now and their older brother is 8.. When i had the twins i wish i had a nanny, I live in a different country and i love it here in New Zealand.. I had a lot of family support which helped on the sleepless nights and the long long sick days.. I myself am 1 of 9 kids and my mother did a great with us. Cindy if you think you need help with the kids then get it, for some mothers you can over do it and then your babies wont be benefiting from you trying to be super mom when you need that help.. I suggest maybe get a nanny for the nights of the first couple months and then a couple days a week just to help so you can get other things done.. Accepting help is never a bad thing, because if other people see that you need a hand then you do..
Good luck
I think my children are better off because i had so much help..

Ashley - posted on 11/19/2009

omg i am a mother of twin girls they are 18 months i also have 2 other children my son is 8 an my daughter is 3im 24 years old an i rais all 4 of my kids by myself an it can be done with a stric routine an alot of pations my husbad works to support us but really doesnt help with them i find it frustrating sumtimes but to be honest with u it isnt that hard to look afta twins i am loving every moment off it

Linda - posted on 11/16/2009

I used Care.com to find my Nanny. She has been with us for almost a year and what a keeper!

Karen - posted on 11/15/2009

Cindy, I live in a different state, but I have a sitter/nanny who lives with me part time. She goes home on the weekends, and if I get home early from work, or have a different work schedule, she will go back home to her parents as well. I found her through a family member, but you might want to check with your local playgroup moms or mothers of twins club if you have one.

Tami - posted on 11/13/2009

Cindy, I became a single mom of twins when they were 6 months old. I had moved for a better job and he didn't. I used Montana Nannies to find a nanny. Most Nanny hiring agencies have different levels of trained nannies, depending on what you need. I hired a nanny that took over the kids care when I left for work and I got the responsibility back when I returned from work. She had every night off unless I asked her to work, plus it also cost more, outside the pre arranged salary. My nanny lived with me for 2 years and it worked out great. No getting the kids up to go to the sitter, no outside in the cold at 7 am and again at 8pm. Sleeping in their own beds at nap time, the list continues.

Check the internet for nanny agencies. I know there is one in Nebraska and Montana. There probably is one for NY.

The amount of work you want done outside of watching your babies will cost you.

If you want cooking and cleaning too it will cost you alot more $$$$$. I just had a live in babysitter really and still had all the other chores that come with having kids, a home, yard etc. Couldn't afford any more than that. I hope you can and Good Luck to you!

Irene - posted on 11/12/2009

rebecca i find you to be quite rude believe it or not alot of mothers of twins have to go it alone i know i did my partner works to support us but other than that he does nothing to help with the children and i have no family to help out either.
I have no problem with people who need to go back to work or want to for that matter but i have decided to stay at home and raise my children and would rather someone not do it for me, and thats my choice.

TaraLynn - posted on 11/12/2009

wow...i jus wanna say that if someone wants a nanny, power to them. however,i was a little offended by your comment that you have to have help to be a good twin mommy rebecca. i stay home with my 19 month twins and my 6 month old daughter. no daycare, no babysitters, and RARELY (as in maybe 3 days since they were born for a cpl hours each time) any help from family. Daddy is a soldier in the national guard and since the twins have been born,he's deployed 3 times(twice for a month and once for 3 months) and is getting ready to deploy again for a year in afghanistan. lemme tell ya tho, my kids are beautiful and happy and don't lack for any experiences. would my house have been cleaner with help? of course, that load in the hamper would prolly be washed and folded by now! would i have had a lot more sleep? sure, cuz i could have slept through a feeding or two! but i wake up and take great care of my children and family and we all love eachother. i may have been taken better care of if we had a nanny,but my kidswouldn't have been! as for those who have nannies!??enjoy ur sleep and know i am envious and dreaming of the nite mykids sleep all nite so i can too. the lord blesses each person with their own difficulties and blessings. mine isn't wealth, but some people may not have the blessings i have either!

Dayna - posted on 11/12/2009

Well, what a lovely little discussion going on here. I would have loved having a maid to come and clean up my house (still would, lol) and a nanny would have made things easier when I came home from the hospital. I'm a stahm and I can't give you any specific recommendations since I live in anther state, but there are agencies to call. You might even be able to get letters of recommendations from past and current clients when researching varrious agencies. Maybe. Good luck, Cindy. You'll love having twins, enjoy!

Maggie - posted on 11/01/2009

again, daycare isnt help...not what i consider help...and which is it? are you a sahm, or a lawyer. you can't really be both effectively. And I am not being taken to task here. you may think so, but I'm not. My M.O. this entire time was curiosity. But my question wasn't directed toward YOU. You don't know the reasons why she needs a nanny either now do you? no. She could in fact be a spoiled, who refuses to care alone for her children. And you may think that nothing I say is worthy of a reply, yet here we are again. What exactly are you defending? NOTHING!!!!!

Rebecca - posted on 11/01/2009

Maggie: So basically you are now admitting that you did have help…like I said.

You know nothing about Cindy nor have you provided her with any support or advice, which is the point of this forum. You have no idea why she wants help or to what extent she needs help. Maybe her husband travels a lot. Maybe she is a single parent herself. Maybe it is because she has no family or friends nearby. Maybe she is disabled and may not physically be able to care for them herself. Maybe she already knows one or both of the twins will be disabled and require more care than she can provide. Maybe she is already caring for another family member and is stretched thin to begin with. Telling her to stay home and take care of them herself is not helpful and completely off-topic. She’s not asking IF she should get help, she’s asking for help finding help.

Judging and belittling someone expecting twins who is seeking the help that you clearly had (whether via a nanny, daycare or otherwise) while simultaneously pretending that you did it all ALONE, when it is readily apparent that you did NOT do it ALONE, is just silly. You should expect to be taken to task about it.

Your attempts to insult me are laughable and not even worthy of a reply. As a lawyer, I always know someone has a losing argument (or no argument) when they start diving into personal attacks, which has been your M.O. this entire exchange.

Maggie - posted on 11/01/2009

I worked and there was a sitter....for work hours only thank you..not someone round the clock. I don't consider daycare round the clock "help" like a nanny. The way most people are these days...they have one child, and need a nanny because they can't do it alone. Throw multiples in the mix, and it gets ridiculous with the way most mothers look for "help". and yes, most of the cases, it's for free time. Bitter, nope, you may be, after all I am telling YOU as it may seem that YES in fact, people can take care of twins ALONE, and God forbid someone holds a different opinion to your own. And again, daycare, for working purposes only, is not so much help that I have to consider them saints. And my experience with my twins was great. It wasn't filled with this bitterness you may have experienced. I just see what I see. Don't try to justify yourself with me sweetie. you have your opinion and I have mine. And who says I'm trying to fool anyone? Oh right..you and you alone. So no honey, it's you, you are the one not being honest with yourself here. You just hired an au pair for your family...can you take care of your children with out one? I can! There are five children in my home now. My twin daughters and then three boys, all ages. And my family doesn't need to hire someone to "help" out. My husband and I are more than equipped to take care of them. So be honest with YOURSELF. You CAN'T do it alone can you? You can't, so according to you nobody else can, or does...isn't that right? AND YES I DID, ALONE, DAYCARE, PART OF THE TIME, EVERYTHING ELSE WAS ME. And oh, look at that, I also did it with just my income. not someone elses. Please continue to tell me I'm wrong if that makes you feel better about your own inadequacies.

Rebecca - posted on 11/01/2009

I don't think you are being very honest with yourself. Either someone was supporting you financially so you could sit at home for 5 years and watch your kids or you were working and someone was watching you kids during the day while you work. Either that, or you were homeless and raised your kids in a homeless shelter and taught them to steal food to provide for them. Either way, you had "help." Stop pretending you were some supermother who "did it all" -- you're not fooling anyone. You didn't.



You are the one who came flying out with the judgment that Cindy wants a nanny so "she can have all the free time you want." What a ridiculous statement. You have no idea what her work or family situation is, yet you are implying that she just wants to farm off the twins on someone else. That sure sounds like bitterness re: your child-rearing experiences to me.

Maggie - posted on 10/31/2009

Quoting Rebecca:

I'm pretty sure that if you raised them for 5 years as a single mom, you had help. And do you honestly believe that your twins wouldn't have been better off if you had help? Of course they would have. So why begrudge those of us who are fortunate enough to be able to afford help?

you can be as sure as you want to ...NO I did not have help. May be hard to believe, but it actually happens. People with twins do take care of them alone. And they were fine with just me. They were on a schedule, and we did just fine. I don't see how they would have been better off with me having help. Are you saying that twins can't be taken care of properly with one person? That seems to be what you are trying to tell me. And I'm telling you, that you are wrong. May be hard to swallow,  but again, you are wrong. And I dont begrudge people that have help, I just don't see why these days people hear the word twins and think, "Oh my God, I can't do this myself, I need a live in nanny, and ten people around the clock or they won't be taken care of right"  Give me a break. Seems to me like some incompetence is in play here if one can't take care of their twins themselves

Rebecca - posted on 10/31/2009

I'm pretty sure that if you raised them for 5 years as a single mom, you had help. And do you honestly believe that your twins wouldn't have been better off if you had help? Of course they would have. So why begrudge those of us who are fortunate enough to be able to afford help?

Maggie - posted on 10/31/2009

yes, actually i do have twins..and raised them for the first 5 years as a single mom, and had no help..and thank god for it....i believe it made me a stronger person. And why ask if I have twins....i thought this group was for moms of twins..not wannabes

Rebecca - posted on 10/31/2009

Maggie: Do you even have twins? Having a set of twins myself, and being a SAHM, I think even a SAHM needs help taking care of twins. At least to take good care of them. Try being a little supportive.



Cindy: get as much help as you can and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it. Twins are exhausting. I just hired an au pair to help my family out. Sorry I can't be of more help!

Maggie - posted on 10/26/2009

personally, i say you take care of them yourself if you are a sahm.....if you work, get a good sitter. i think personally, that it's ridiculous to have a nanny so you can have all the free time you want.

Joanne - posted on 10/22/2009

I had twin girls 6 years ago. I rasied them by myself for the first year it was hard and I totally wish I could have had a live in nanny. If you ask you GP they should be able to put you on to a few places that specialise in twins house-stay care. I know that there are places out there my doctor recomended I look into them but I never got around to it.

Maggie - posted on 10/20/2009

first question....Do you work?