Losing friends after having twins?

Charity - posted on 09/17/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I heard this topic elsewhere and it got me thinking.... so I was wondering if any of you felt this was an issue. I have to say I noticed a difference in how people reacted to me in some weird way as well as the fact that going places and outings became more difficulty so having to turn down an outing happens especially with infant twins and a 4 year old. I felt like some friends didn't invite me to do fun stuff as much because they probably just figured I would be too busy. Just want to hear thoughts on Losing friends after having multiples/twins.

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Charity - posted on 06/09/2013

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Well I am glad I am not alone either! Now I have also gained some twin moms as friends. I have some moms come up to me and say OMG I don;t know how you do it and ah ah and I am just a mom like anyone else I do what I need to. I am feeling a little more social these days but I would of just loved it when my kids were infants if some one would of came over and held a baby while I got a shower or invited me some where I needed it! I guess it is a life lesson to try and not let a friend end up feeling like I did and still do.

Melissa - posted on 06/05/2013

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Thank you for posting this! I have felt this way as well and thought I might have just been irrational. It feels like we are just too much trouble to hang around now. I feel very alone. People get mad because I can't always answer them ( I work full time and have one year old twins and a four year old as well) so they just stopped calling especially all those people who said they couldn't wait to help when they found out we were pregnant with twins!

Charity - posted on 11/11/2012

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Taking three young kids out is a lot of work! It is hard so I guess I am not alone :) Being a mom is hard have twins +1 (or more) is even more tough. But I guess temporary. One day I will have not one but two kids going to kindergarten. I see my friends and I have felt they have treated me differently after having my twins. I was really frustrated on Halloween. I took the kids trick-r treating and then a few of my friends stopped by trick r treating after we got home. All the people I haven't seen for a while carpooled trick r treating with their kids all together with parents and all having fun. They later went to the bar and had fun and I felt so left out that they didn't invite me. Maybe I was being totally irrational but I felt really left out like I wish they would of at least invited me. Such is life I guess I don't believe they realize it. I go to school and work part time so I am busy and I guess social things often go to the back burner compared to my family and other things.

Amanda - posted on 11/11/2012

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I also lost many friends. I was no longer able to go out whenever my friends were able to. I would tell them I can still hang out but I need advanced notice for childcare. but after I told them that they just stop contactIng me all together. I wIsh they at least called or texted. I tey to get a hold of them but they never respond. I had work friends but no one I saw outside of work. Which was all I needed but a month ago we lost our daycare provider and can't afford anyone else, so I am now a stay at home mom. I have only seen one friend in a month and that is when she dropped off her child for me to watch. But in some ways I feel that I could make more of an effort to connect with people but after I had the kids (twin girls in Nov 09 and a son in Jan 11) I have become more of a home body since taking the three babes out is a lot of work.

Charity - posted on 11/06/2012

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It probably stems from a few different factors. I live in a very rural area. I did start up a mom of multiples club in the closest town with more than a couple hundred residents which is 45+ miles away so I have got to connect with other moms and moms of multiples but it is often through FB or emails. I go to school and work part time and am a mom so I am busy and maybe I have inadvertently pushed people away just by doing that and keeping busy. I guess I just need to make room for more friends and be more friendly.

Emily - posted on 11/05/2012

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So sorry you are feeling this way. It's tough. I found my friends did change. I met a lot of other moms (twin and singleton) while I was on mat leave through a drop in centre, and that made all the difference. All our kids are in the same general age range, so we did (and still do, although not as often) lots of playdates and outings and home gatherings where the kids played with each other and we got a chance for grown up talk. I still keep in touch with most of my other friends, but it's different. See if you can find a mommy group with other moms with kids your age, and see if that helps. I know things like that can be really hard if you are shy or get nervous with new people....but kids are the best ice breaker ever, especially twins as everyone always seems to want to know all about them. Makes for an easy first conversation! Google moms groups or mom meet-ups in your area and see what pops up, or head out with your kids to library dropins and such, and see what happens. Good luck!

Charity - posted on 10/31/2012

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I still feel this way. Does anyone else understand this or relate? I just have really felte left out of things with people lately

Celeste - posted on 09/17/2012

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Yeah, my circle of friends definitely changed after I had my twins. They were all excited and said they would help but once the boys were born, none of them ever showed.



Most of my friends are other moms from my mothers of multiples club. They are all understanding on what it's like to have multiples.



Have you looked into a local mothers of multiples club? If you have one near you, they can be a great support system.

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