Minimal Support

Julianne - posted on 01/07/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Sorry everybody but I just feel the need to rant and rave at the moment. This seems like the best way to get it off my chest rather than upset others with it. :)



I've got 12 week old twin girls non identical, absolutely beautiful babies and a 3yo daughter also. Before I had the twins, I set up some support for myself by way of my dads partner, who began helping me out at 20wks pregnant and all my friends said we can't wait to visit once u've had the babies. Straight after getting out of hospital, suddenly my dads partner has her own problems to deal with and my friends have all vanished off the face of the earth! Is this saying something about me? All the volunteers that u can get to help u out are unavailable whether from the Multiples Association or the local Child and Youth Health. I feel I'm coping alright with all three of my kids but just feel like now suddenly I have no friends. I can count on one hand how many times any of my friends from babies group and those that even live down my street have ever come to visit us. I feel like the minute you have babies whether it be one or twins, etc all your friends just disappear.......



Does anybody else feel like me?

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10 Comments

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Marlys - posted on 01/13/2010

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I feel the same way. I have a 14 yr old son 10 yr old daughter & 20 month old B/G Twins. In the first couple of weeks everyone wants to be there and help.(It felt more like just wanting to play with the twin babies and an hour later go.) All my friends and family are always too busy to help.Also i don't go out because no one will babysit so whatever i do i take the twins my older children are the ones who help me & my husband. I can't even get the grandparents from my side or husbands side to babysit once a month which i let them all know how i felt but it didn't work. they all continue to come once every 2 or 3 weeks for an hour while i'm there so that way there just visiting not to be mistaken by babysitting. I got all my friends and family upset when i told them how i felt and nothing changed. but at least they know how i feel because i couldn't contain myself anymore and thought maybe things would change at least a little.To be honest it wasn't even about babysitting it was more about quality time with the family and some help just because they wanted too not because i asked them too.
So don't feel alone i guess its just part of having twins, well in my case i didn't get help with my older kids either so. If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger. Good luck !

Lyneen - posted on 01/12/2010

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Oh I do I do!!! if having a baby wasn't hard enough.... twins tops the cake, and I cant even imagine having another one on top of that! I feel like if I am not doing it by myself it wont get done... no matter what it is. hang in there... I know I'm trying to!

Brandi - posted on 01/12/2010

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It sucks! I was alone and in the middle of no where town. My husband helped when he was home. But I was so overwhelmed. And scared.

What worked best for me~ SCHEDULES! Me and my twin girls. When I did get brief help~ which was rare, I told everyone to keep the girls on schedule. And if they didn't, I didn't want their help any longer. Shedules helped me so much. It gave me time, just to have time.

And 4 years later, I believe it's what saved me & my girls.

Heather - posted on 01/12/2010

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I also relate to this. My husband is great with the babies but he works graveyard shift and is gone 11-12 hours and then sleeps most of the day! Most of my friends have older kids. People always say they are going to come and visit but it never happens. I also find it hard to leave them with anyone to go do anything because I'm not sure they can really handle 2 babies. It can be very lonely.

Dawn - posted on 01/09/2010

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I hear all of ya! I have 6 kids...12, 10, 8, 6 and 11 month old twins. A lot of my friends laugh and say "you never go out and have fun". Honestly right now especially in the winter (yuck!) it's not fun. Getting everyone ready in their coats, hats, gloves.....it is kinda exhausting. Can't wait for spring/summer, with 11 mo twins it's easier to not deal with all that extra gear.

Anna-Marie - posted on 01/09/2010

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Hello, I've 8 month old twin boy's and a 3 year old aswell, and your far from alone!!! I'm totally the same with my friends, even my normal mum's group I'm some what different to them as they have no idea what it's like! So I have joined a twins and multipuls group and love it and the new friends I've made, so I'd try and do that. My 3 year old loves it as there's 4 lot's of twins his age and they totaly include him in everything so he loves it aswell. Just nice to have a cup of tea and a chat although no one else has twins and another child and i'm slighty younger than all of them! It's a nightmare trying to go out though with 3 on your own!

Cibeles - posted on 01/08/2010

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I have 8mo old twins boy/girl and 2yr old son. I find it comforting to hear others experiencing the same frustration I feel. It makes me feel normal. I had help after my twins came home for 3 weeks and then I was on my own. My husband works graveyard so he is gone at night and asleep most of the day. I can definely identify with the frustation of everyone disappearing. Unfortunely i think everyone wants to see your twins but most don't want to deal with our brave daily tasks. No joke that the task of getting the kids in and out of the house is hard. I find my memory is consistantly getting challenged cuz i am pretty busy.I just look forward to watching the kids getting older as we jump a new hurdle together. I am waiting for the time when they are not infants and we can really have some fun. We have gotten some dumb comments from the public when we try to grocery shop. There were a group of employees in the store admiring the twins when a customer said to her young son as she looked at my twins better to look at them then to have them. People are dumb I leave the kids with my husband or my mom and grocery shop alone now just to avoid people like that.

April - posted on 01/08/2010

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I am right there with you sister! B4 I had my twins I was working and going to the gym 5 days a week! Now I'm am always home never doing anything. I am always wear PJ pants or sweat pants. I call it mommy mod. lol my husband is always like go out and do something. I always tell him you have no idea how hard it is getting out and about with twins. getting ready is a task all in it's own. not to mention getting the HUGE stroller out and together. Just talking about about it makes me tired! And all my firends that have one kid went back to work. The only mom friend I have live 45min away and she has a 4yr and a soon to be 3yr, and she goes to to the gym and bible study and blah blah blah...

Julie - posted on 01/08/2010

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it so hard my husband wors from 5am until 7pm and i am on my own all day and all night becouse he wakes up early i sleep in a different room with the twins so he can sleep as he needs to sleep becouse he is a driver and i wouldent want him falling asleep at the wheel i see my mum at weekends but she 74 i cant expect much from her and my sister work its hard some times i get down a lot but it dose get better

Amy - posted on 01/08/2010

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I know exactly how you feel and they do come back it just takes a while, maybe you could ask them to go for coffee and ask hubby to mind the kids or if not an option hsve coffee at a kids play place, if your friends have kids im sure they would be glad to get out and tire out the kids aswell. Or maybe try finding a group like this one in your area and meeting new people. I have a now 4 1/2 yr old daughter, 2yr old B/G twins and now a 4 1/2 month old daughter.

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