Natural or IVF - why do people think they have a right to know??

Katie - posted on 12/03/2012

I was amazed to get this question so much too. My son was 8 months old when we found out we were having twins, and 13 months old when they arrived (after a VERY extended stay at the hospital on bedrest) The first few times I was asked "are they natural" I just brushed it off, but it was a very common question, I thought that if it was IVF I would be offended. Not sure when it became OK to ask if you had help making babies in polite conversation. I don't get it as much now (the girls are two) but every once in a while someone will ask. I just politely say: "What kind of crazy person would be trying with IVF with a six month old?!?! Are you joking? I was on the pill when I got pregnant with the girls, antibiotics really do reduce the effectiveness of birth control pills... I'm living proof!" In the end I wouldn't let it bother you. I would either think of a snarky answer to use in those situations (i.e. "Yes, in college I aspired to be the student with the most spit up (or poop) on their clothing) or just tell people to mind their own business.

Kate - posted on 11/30/2012

My sister-in-law is currently pregnant with IVF twins and I am pregnant with natural twins 7 weeks behind. Mine were concieved while we were waiting for my husbands visectomy appointment. I already get questions. I don't have ANY twins in my family at all.I don't like people asking becaue if they ask if thet were IVF it's like asking in a round about way if you have fertility troubles, which is a privae matter and rude.

Katrina - posted on 10/21/2012

I have to say that I don't really like the question either. I am 30 weeks pregnant with fraternal twins and it really depends on my mood as to how I answer the question. When asked if it was a surprise, I now respond with "wouldn't it be for anyone?". When asked if they run in my family, I say "yes" since they do, IVF or not. I know people are curious but how I conceive my children is a personal matter which I will share with those that I choose to share with.

9ay - posted on 10/18/2012

Elizabeth. I feel so sorry for you. You are full of arrogance. However you are not special at all. IVF twins are as real and lovable as natural twins.



And I do not get you people who get angry when they are asked whether their twins are through IVF or not. You can simply say no. You might need IVF in the future and then will you be ashamed to answer yes to this question?



Kirby not only aged women do IVF. People are just curious since twins are not that common and associated with IVF in many peoples mind. It has been 2 years since you posted this and I want to believe that you do not get frustrated on this anymore.

Charity - posted on 08/06/2012

I personaly only know of 3 people who have twins and 1 of those used clomid the others were spontaneous. Still the rate for IVFresulting in twins is as high as 20-29% so no matter what twins are special and certainly not the norm although they are more common these days. It doesn't bother me so much that people ask if the twins were through IVF(which they were the result of sex and my two eggs I happen to release all by myself) Someone asked me "are your babies fertilty babies" I could of been very upset if they had been certainly could be taken offensivly. Or the one time someone asked if I payed extra to have them put in a boy and girl like all the celeberties do . HMMM! I am very proud of my babies and they are very special to me fertility issues or not! So Elizabeth you should really think about things. I do however have problems with women who have NO fertility issues and think it would be neat to pop out twins and take non-prescribed fertility meds or lie to fertility Dr's just to try and get multiples. Yep it does happen anyways.

Jocelyn - posted on 08/06/2012

My boys are 3 and I haven't gotten the question in a while. It's usually the "do twins run in your family?" that we get now and I just say, now they do! It's hard to ignore those questions but people are weird and feel like it's ok to ask. I usually just smiled and literally ignored it because it's no one's business! Congrats on the twins!

Rebecca - posted on 08/06/2012

hi most people who concieve twins where i live have had to have ivf and to save on having it twice they opt for twins i concieved them naturally as there is twins on both mine and my husbands family through natural conception and when i meet someone new i get asked ivf or not. i want to answer they are not my first children as i have 2 older girls why would i get ivf now. just grin and bear it people are curious not speaking the language very well where i live i have the option of pretending i dont understand wot they saying which is actually quite refreshing.:)

Gemini - posted on 08/04/2012

Hello im new to Circle of Mums.I really want to have twins(boys coz i already have a gir)lfor the next time i plan but we dont have any history with twins so naturally its impossible. Is it possible to have them through ivf.

Pnina - posted on 05/01/2012

I always have fun with this question, my twins were IVF babies and ppl. fish for info by asking if twins run in the family I can honestly answer yes my sister in laws(since 3 of my sister in laws have twins and one has 2 sets) so they take my answer as not IVF... but it always makes me laugh when they take that as the reason I have twins :D

Kylie - posted on 04/27/2012

WOW. Elizabeth. I truly feel sorry for you for being such a small minded, misinformed individual who is clearly full of self importance. For your info.... IVF babies, twins, triplets or singletons are as real as babies conceived naturally. There is still one egg and one sperm, the only difference being the ivf babies spend their first 3-5 days out of the body before finding their cosy spot in their mummy's uterus. As for your statement that IVF twins are all fraternal.....WRONG SWEETHEART... There are many women who have only the one embryo transferred into their uterus, which in turn splits...hence...IDENTICAL TWINS... Same egg, same sperm. So how about before shooting your mouth off, you actually do some research next time. You really aren't that special, so pull your head out your backside you sad sad woman.

Kylee - posted on 11/17/2011

I have fraternal twin boys who are now 5 and I had them with no help. All natural. I get asked all of the time if they run in my family and I say no cuz they really dont. I am young so maybe thats why no one has ever asked me if we used ivf or something along those lines? I have never been asked if they werent "natural". But people are always drawn to them everywhere we go even at age 5 because they are just so cute and twins are extra special:)

Kellie - posted on 11/09/2011

Elizabeth, l don't think you have any idea what some people have to go through to have children. l have ivf g/b twins. l take offence you calling them fake like twins. l have a twin sister. We are nothing alike at all. We were so called naturally made. There is 14 sets of naturally made twins in my family. My point is ivf twins are just as special and loved as naturally twins.

Margie - posted on 11/09/2011

I had triplets and everyone ASSUMES I had fertility. I hated the questions at first but now I find it a great time to teach them something. Maybe if we tell them its possible without and a few statistics they womt be so inclined to stop another mother? I know I sometimes get curious with other triplet moms but dont ask until they tell.

Emily - posted on 11/07/2011

My twins are almost two and a half, and I get the question regularily. Although I'm a bit of a chatterbox, I sometimes used to get a bit annoyed when I was obviously in a rush....until I had a conversation with a lady that I just about to cut off when she asked the question as I was in a hurry. I decided to answer relatively civily, and turns out her daughter had found out a couple of days before she may not be able to concieve even with help although the outlook was hopeful. The lady was just looking for a positive story to tell her daughter to give her hope, and once we got talking, she was curious about my experience in terms of stress and anxiety, emotion, etc. She had no one else to talk to that had been through it, just doctors, who, although they try to be so helpful, aren't always. She wasn't intrusive in her questions, and I was quite glad I had decided to answer and stop and chat. She was incredibly grateful, and it reminded me that although there are some people who are just nosy, there are others where that isn't the case. Once I was pregnant, I was pretty open about the fact we had some help, and I found it got a lot of conversations going with people I didn't expect, as until I went through it, I had no idea how common infertility issues are, and how little talked about they often are.
Oh, on a side note - I get this question as much from other twin moms I run into as other people :)

Kellie - posted on 11/02/2011

I am a Mum of almost 3 year old twins. l still get asked all the time if my twins are ivf. l don't really mind. However my husband hates it. When l was in hospital one of the nurses asked me. My husband turned around and said, Did you do ivf to have your children or did you just have sex. She went red and said she would never ask that question to anyone again. People often ask me are you twins ivf or do the run in your family. l say both. They look at me. But it is true. l have ivf twin, but there is 14 sets of twins in my family. l am also a twin and my best friend is a twin.

Jodi - posted on 09/09/2011

My twins are only 7 months old, but I get asked that question EVERY time I go out with them!!! I once told a lady, who asked if they were natural, that no, they're plastic, and walked away. I think it's a horribly insensitive and innappropriate question to ask. (Mine were conceived with no help.) I do try to keep in mind that twins are rare by comparison to singlets and people are curious which sometimes makes them tactless. I try to get the point across that it's not really an appropriate question to ask a stranger without trying to sound like a B.

Shannon - posted on 09/09/2011

I love how there are no more replies from Elizabeth....you really are very insensitive, rude and disrespectful about the things you say to people and you should probably do your research on ALL twins and IVF or stop posting nonsense

Shannon - posted on 09/09/2011

I do agree that preople should not ask, as not only does it not matter how the babe or babies got here it really not anyone's business unless of course you want people to know.
As for your age at the time of your pregnancy and IVF, being sensitive to any age as all of us can and have (my husband and I had been trying since I was 22 and several miscarriages and complications, we had identical boys in 2009 via IVF) so that just goes to show it does happen, even at young ages

Katy - posted on 09/03/2011

I have 4 year old b/g twins and I have found that people tend not to think about what they are saying and sometimes do not care about how intrusive they are being.Just tell them you do not wish to discuss it, your not obliged to answer anything to a stranger. Elizabeth your post is very offensive...And very petty, is it not?. My twins were natural, how ever I also have friends who have had twins via IVF that are twins!!.There is no such thing as FAKE twins, its ridiculous, the woman sill carries them and gives birth to them!...You sound like you believe you are slightly more special than everyone else.All twins born are twins regardless of what/how they are conceived.Your not a doctor so do not make ridiculous statements!!...There have been 9 sets of twins in our family, some natural, some IVF...Sorry everyone else, but some people are very offensive!..Good luck everyone else with the same questions we will be inevitably be asked as the (very lucky) mums of twins!!XX

Danielle - posted on 02/18/2011

People ask me ALL the time...do twins run in your family?
I answer them with...."they do now!"

Nete - posted on 02/17/2011

right! everyone do ask that don't they?

well in my case it ran on both side of my family further out.. just my mum never told me, since it was a lotto win in her mind that she would ever end up with grand children. - that shuts people up real fast so you can borrow that story ....

or you could get cute and tell them that in fact you drank a case of beer and smoked 2 packs of cigarettes every day for a month trying not to get preggers but hey here you are.. :oD what about them did they use IVF?

- the unexpected always collects a fun response of peoples faces ...

or even better... you went to octa mums doctor in the hope of 6 but sadly you only got 2 ...followed up by ''hey are your boobs fake, I could really use a good reference after breast feeding twins ....''
hopefully they will catch the hint ...of course you can vary it up with lipo and tummy tucks ...''so tell me I hear you had xyz done....where did you go''...

make it fun :)

CHERYL - posted on 02/01/2011

my 19m old b/g twins were ivf/icsi but were made with lots of love!!and even tho i knew the chances of twins it never crossed my mind i would have them so it was a massive supprise. i get asked that question lots and dont usually mind except one lady said then they arnt twins are they as they dont look the same! thicko!! im a natural twin and we dont look the same.

Liz - posted on 01/31/2011

Elizabeth- What about the people that love kids but need help having them? My sister has four kids her oldest was natural, but they needed help next and got their twin boys, then they got surprised with their youngest.

As for myself I had no IVF and got blessed with b/g twins that will be three in June, and a son that will be one in July. And yes I do have b/g twins, and I take offense to you calling them 'fake twins'. Yes I Know that lately b/g twins have become more common, but that doesn't make them any less real.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/31/2011

unfortunately everybody uses ivf which produces fake twins-most likely twin pregnancy not singleton and they are fraternal not identical. I had twins which run in my family and they were mirror image twins which are extremely rare themselves. now everybody and everywhere you go and read there are twins...so many celebrities have twins and they are all fraternal not identical-and they are over 40 years old which raises the chances of having fraternal twins with or without ivf. anymore it's not unique to have twins. people even joke about it. i know 3 girls i went to high school with that used ivf and they are all having fraternal twins!!! and if you really examine it further, not only are they fraternal, they are also one boy and one girl...aka fake twins. it's not you...it's everyone else that ruined the uniqueness of having twins. it annoys me more than anything too. i see it all the time and i work with the public. women come in all thinking they're extra special b/c they have twins. they ask me if i have children and i just reply 'yeah, i have mirror image twins'. it may sound petty but oh well. medical science vs nature is wrong. there are too many children abandoned that can be adopted. not to mention some people shouldn't be parents and going against nature is wrong.

Tiffany - posted on 03/14/2010

This is in reply to Holly...isn't that funny? I have B/G twins and get asked all the time if they're identical. OUR LAST PED EVEN ASKED ME THAT? Needless to say, she is no longer our ped.

People used to ask me all the time if twins run in our family, and yes, my grandmother did have twins. But, mine were IVF. Miracle babies. Embryos that had been frozen for 2 yrs, last of the "choice" embryos, and transferred to a family member/surrogate. So, although my husband doesn't like to tell anyone that we had help, I tell everyone.

Crystal - posted on 03/14/2010

I have never been asked that but my thought about it is it's no one's business but the person who had them.

Carol - posted on 03/13/2010

Scince my twins are 28years old and the youngest of five I never had that problem. The only question I was asked was how did I cope with 5 kids under the age of 6, the eldest with cerebal palsy, no driving licence and a husband who was and still is a interstate truckie. The answer is i loved then to bits and just got on with it. I am now the proud nan to 11 grandkids and 2 more due this year. Just love them and not worry about what others have to say,

Kirby - posted on 03/13/2010

thanks everyone for your comments!! i have nothing against IVF - let me get that clear!! i have several friends who have successfully had children through IVF, my issue is with people I dont even know asking me how I got my sons. I think its my business, and should I choose to disclose it, I will. I had to put up with a lot of invasion of privacy throughout my pregnancy, especially at my former workplace, and was hoping it would stop upon giving birth. Just wanted to know if people with older twins/multiples are still hearing questions like this, and if anylone else thinks its an appropriate question for a stranger to ask.

Robin - posted on 03/13/2010

Recently I was complaining about this line of questioning to another twin mom. She said she tells people that ask if it was IVF that "No, it was S-E-X"...usually stops the conversation while showing people that his/her question was invasive and inappropriate. I mean come on, it's like asking somewhat what position they did it in when they conceived!

Melissa - posted on 03/12/2010

I got that question at the hairdresser once. I literally could not believe that she ask that of me. I was 23 at the time. Seriously why would a 23 year old go to that length? IDK. People think that they are entitled to ask any question they please i suppose. If you ever get the "Are they natural?" question just reply " Yes, they are natural I GREW THEM MYSELF!"

Melissa - posted on 03/11/2010

I did have ivf and it worked on the first try.I dont care if, people ask me.Most of time,the want info on ivf from me.My twin boyz are 2yrs old and I LOVE THEM,no matter how the got here.Don't let them get to you, you are blessed to have them,no matter how the would have got here!!!

Suzanne - posted on 03/11/2010

I got that question alot while I was pregnant and for about the first year after they were born. The poor soul who asked me that the first time after delivery got a detailed description of the girls birth (I thought they meant birth not conception!). I'm willing to bet that person doesn't ask again!! Mine were most definately an unplanned natural blessing - but who cares? You're pregnant and you have twins what does it matter where or how they came about?? Let's just celebrate the fact they're here!

Stephanie - posted on 03/11/2010

i only had 1 person ask me and my twins are 2 years old and they asked when i was pregnant. why do people think that's ok to ask that!? mine were natural but really it's none of their business! people ask if twins run in the family, that one doesn't bother me at all.

Charlene - posted on 03/11/2010

you dont have to answer there questions just lie and tell then what you feel most comfortable with

Jennifer - posted on 03/10/2010

when people ask me that about my twins (9-month boy/girl twins) they seem to want to know if we were surprised to be having twins (which, we were!) i really don't think they mean to be rude. often, with IVF, while you don't know you're having twins, you know that it's a possibility, while "spontaneous" twins tend to be more of a surprise. i use it as an excuse now...i haven't recovered from the surprise and that's what i'm always running around like a crazy woman :)

Noelle - posted on 03/10/2010

With friends I've been open about the IVF process that DH and I used to have our 7mo old twin boys. But with some strangers, they ask the question as if IVF is the "cheaters" way to have babies. So, when asked I usually respond "Yes, they run in the family, my SIL has twins as well. " I just fail to mention that we both went to the same fertility doctor! LOL.

Vicki - posted on 03/09/2010

Interesting! My boys are 26 and IVF was pretty quiet back then so I've never been asked that question but have been asked a lot of the oh do they run in the family and so on. I figured it always gave me a chance to talk about what a huge miracle they were.

Amanda - posted on 03/09/2010

My twins were natural and husband's brother has IVF twins, so my mil gets that question alot more then I do. I also tell them no god does bless people with twins on his own, sometimes. I don't think it will stop because people don't realize how many people ask you that or how personal that questions is.

Natalie - posted on 03/09/2010

I had IVF to conceive my twins and when asked if they are IVF i tell them the story of how, why and when lol

Whether your children are natural or IVF they are still made in the same way. It just means that with IVF you had a little extra help. At the end of it your child/ren still come from a sperm and an egg!

I dont understand why people feel insulted when they are asked if it was IVF as IVF is very common now and the chances of having twins is getting higher. I know people shouldnt presume and you probably get sick of the same question, but just take it with a pinch of salt. I am sure they dont mean to offend you by saying it.

I am an IVF mom and proud :)

Nikida - posted on 03/08/2010

Mother of 3 boys 12,8,7 and expecting Spontaneous twin girls April 2010

Dont let it phase you twins facinate people who don't have them and even those that already do are curious.

IVF has boosted the odds and thus the # of actual natural twins is not accurately recorded in the last 20 years

Just smile and say they are and were spontanous and know that the question will come up again and goes with the territory.

my youngest 2 are 9.5 mos apart and i was constently asked if they were twins even though they are not

take the questions as appreciation for your children and just realize the questions come with your double blessing :)

Kimberly - posted on 03/08/2010

Just take it as a compliment that you have cute kiddos. I was ALWAYS accosted by currious questions about my frat twin girls. Did twins run in the family? Were they identical (One had a lot of dark black hair and the other only had a little blond)? Were they both girls (they would both be in pink)? At first it would bother me, but then I realized that they were only trying to start a conversation. There is just something about multiples that draws people in. Everyone wants to share in your joy. I finally had to just allow 30 extra minutes anywhere I went for all the questions and people stopping. I started to get away from the constant stopping when the girls had been in school a year and ALL the parents knew the story.lol. Just take it with a grain of salt and it will be over before you know it.

Cindy - posted on 03/06/2010

I get asked that question all the time and mine are now 17 months. The answer I give depends on my mood. However I do have to say the one and only time i've ever wanted to physically smack someone for asking was when I was in the middle of a full NICU unit where every set of parents in there either had twins or triplets and I was asked if mine were naturasl or IVF by a nurse when no one else in the room was asked. I was so mad I just left the room in tears. But given how that hospital treated us I shouldn't have been supprised.

Justine - posted on 03/06/2010

I remember reading somewhere about a mum who when asked if her twins were IVF would reply loudly 'no they were S-E-X! ;-)

Ness - posted on 03/06/2010

my boys are nearly 7 and i haven't been asked that question for a couple of years now, thank goodness. the last time i was asked i replied in a very loud voice that 'no they were not ivf and that i'd actually had sex!' have to say the woman didn't quite know what to say lol. the thing that really annoys me is when they insist that my boys are identical, and will argue with me. my boys are very alike but fraternal twins. it's very frustrating.

Yolanda - posted on 03/06/2010

I get 'do twins run in your family', and I have to say 'no', which everyone is always disappointed by, it seems. Since we did use fertility drugs (we didn't go as far as IVF, though)- so if they ask, I like to tell people 'we got a 2-for-1 special'... then they ask if I want to have more...

Holly - posted on 03/05/2010

People ask the most absurd of questions to mothers of multiples. I just let it go most of the time (and try not to let them see me laugh at them as I walk away). My favorite question that I get CONSTANTLY about my BOY/GIRL twins is "Are they identical?"
Wow. No. No they are not identical. They are opposite genders!! LOL

Shannon - posted on 03/05/2010

On the other side of things...
IMy husband and I were in good health and my husband and I did IVF 3 times due to (and still) unexplained infertility, and we are both in our mid 20's. I think that regardless of age so many people are actually undergoing IVF and statistically multiples are high. I think people do assume regarless of age, multiples or not ect.
I guess it is just more a matter of not allowing this to bother you or better yet make up a fantastic "story" about your twin pregnany so maybe then people will stop asking. I think there are some people who dont mind being asked but I will promise you that IVF multiples or not..stupid questions and CONSTANT stupid questions will ALWAYS be asked, just try yo have fun with it :) and YES we do get VERY sick of hearing them all :)

Rachel - posted on 03/05/2010

I get it all the time as well. I just tell people that they are a blessing, and I wouldn't have it any other way. That normally confuses them for awhile, and I can make my escape. It truly doesn't matter how your child or children were conceived, all that matters is that you're their mom. A friend of mine actually adopted her twins, and they are as much hers as mine are mine. Just be happy that you were given the oppertunity to be a mom of multiples. It doesn't matter how it happened, just that it did.

Amber - posted on 03/05/2010

My daughters are 8 and my sons are 4 1/2 and I STILL get asked all of the time. It's usually "Are they ALL twins? 2 sets? I bet your hands are full? Do twins run in your family? Are they natural?" This is EVERY time I go out in public with them. I just politely answer their questions, and sometimes my daughters pipe in with answers themselves. I'm so use to it now that it doesn't bother me unless we are trying to sit down and eat at a restaurant.

Rebecca - posted on 03/05/2010

I get that question all the time, but honestly, it doesn't really bother me. My husband and I struggled for two years to have our twin boys and I don't mind using the question as a soapbox upon which to talk about infertility. ;-)