Overwhelmed by her 2 year old very clingy twin girls!

Carrie - posted on 05/13/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am a mom to a set of the most beautiful 2 year old twin girls. But I am so overwhelmed by them on the other hand. They are so clingy to me and so aggressive to one another. They are constantly biting, hitting and scratching one another that it is very unordinary to not be holding at least one of them. And when I am holding both of them, they are swatting and screaming at one another. I am also the mommy to a four year old boy and 3 step children, ages 11, 9 and 7. I feel like I have no time to myself or time to enjoy the other children because I am constantly dealing with the twins. Everyone just basically passes them over to me when the times get tough because they are wanting me anyways. Don`t get me wrong, I love these girls to pieces but I am just so worn out. They came into this world nearly 2 months early and I think maybe I still baby them too much because they are still so small but when is it ok to say No, Mommy doesn`t want to pick you up and hold you all day, when should they start showing some more independence outside of me.

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Nete - posted on 06/02/2010

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I use time outs and the naughty chair for hitting (super Nanny) reward good things with a star chart and give they toys a time out if they will not share, after being warned.
I also make them offer another toy, as a trade for the toy the other one has, say please when asking for a trade, and thank you when getting it! they are 2 and it works
I push the sharing with everything, also mummy time, my turn, your turn, his turn, her turn
initially I started this sitting on a rug with both or them and we would have a toy each and the swap, swap , swap after abt. 10 / 20 sec with they toy, until they got the idea that swapping didn't mean that they wouldn't get it back very soon .. eventually I increased the time and practiced with less toys, his turn, her turn over and over ... today they understand that it is the others turn, to be held by mummy and that they will get their turn soon.
I also practice '' who is your brother or sister'' and have them point at each other ''who is your best friend'' and have them point, tell them best friends and family stick together and that they are good to each other '' give kisses and hugs and show them by doing ... and letting them know how much they are loved and that mummy and daddy loves them both the same. when they are clingy I stop what I'm doing and give them the attention they need, I find once they are for-filled and secure ... they get better at playing w each other and give me a minute to make dinner etc.
Is there anyway you can incorporate all of the kids in playing with each other ... maybe legos or drawing ... while you supervise, maybe get some advice from daycare givers... on how they do it ... in reality you do have daycare situation

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Emily - posted on 05/22/2012

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Hi Carrie, I have twin girls that just turned 2 and one of them is so clingy to me. They will both pull my finger to drag me around from place to place but the youngest one, God bless her, will not let me have any freedom or rest. Sometimes it feels like I'm not allowed to do anything; if she sees me sit down to read a book or put my head down to rest, she freaks out and cries until I get up...to do nothing! She drags me around the house wandering from room to room and when she goes to bed, she has to hold my hand and even if I move to adjust myself, she freaks out. It's been like this for about two weeks now and it's just getting worse and I'm feeling bad for my other daughter because she tries to sit on my lap or get some mommy time but often ends up being hit for trying. And when it comes to them together, forget about it...85% of the time, they're hitting and kicking each other. It's like a madhouse at home!

I've had a few breakdowns because of how demanding my daughter is being and I just pray to God that this phase passes soon. I've tried doing what she wants, talking to her calmly saying mommy doesn't want to hold you all the time, letting her tantrum it out in her room and reprimanding her. Sometimes something works and sometimes nothing works. All I can do is use the trial and error method and hope something works.

Sometimes I feel like she's like this because she has to share me with her sister all of the time and if that is the case, then it's really something that she'll just need to get over herself.

I think some me time would help with our sanity but unfortunately, I don't get that opportunity. Hopefully you do...especially with so many other kids...you definitely need it just to keep grounded and to remember who you are as an individual and not as a mommy.

Kathi - posted on 04/02/2012

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Hello Carrie, I do home day care and have 2 little girls that are a month apart in age. And they are just like sisters, they love/hate each other. Now (or about 6 months ago) would be a good time to let them know that they can figure things out for themselves. When the girls here start to swat each other or tattle or not share I let them know they are supposed to love each other not fight and that they will have to go into timeout if they dont behave. It seems to be working for the past 6 months (they are both turning 3 this month and next). But also, you could try, sitting down with them around you, Not sitting on you fighting for you attention, but by you so they know that they can be there without fighting for your attention. Have them roll a ball to each other with you watching and praising them:)?: Hope that helps.

p.s. not sure why this is showing up on my current stuff,,, how are the twins now????

Carrie - posted on 05/22/2010

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oh my god - and i thought i was busy and i only have 14 month old twin boys! So superwoman, people might think this is a bit much but my boys constantly fight - pull hair, hit, bite, roll over each other, etc etc so when i catch it i put the offender in the playpen and obviously say no hitting or whatever the crime but i cant cope when they are constantly crying as they are always hurting each other - i know your girls are older but maybe you could still use a playpen or border off an area of your living room with those kid safe gates or something because i have seen time out in action and you are just way too busy to be doing that for 12 hours a day - i have noticed the difference already in the boys since doing that - they know the consequence already so good luck - i know you feel like pulling your hair out and having a cry but hang in there and be tough - the tougher you are the better they will grow up and stop fighting! i reckon anyway! good luck luv,

Lori - posted on 05/20/2010

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I found that when I take my twins out more they don't fight as much. It doesn't have to be anywhere extravagant. I take them to Lowe's, the local pet store/humane society, for a stroll in the stroller, etc. Also, I make sure they get their naps/quiet time regularly. HTH

Barbara - posted on 05/20/2010

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Boy I can understand my twin girls were b orn two months premature, would fit all the time. We have them in seperate rooms now were they get there own space when they need it and i had to just say no to picking them up. It is hard because they cry be I found if I gave in it only got harder after acouple of really rough days it settled down. The girls are now almost 4 and still fight but not as much, they like haveing their own space to go but still like being to gether. They now will give mom space and are learning they can do it if they try. Every child is different and every situation is different. But try giving them there own space and that just might help them see you need a little space to.

Laura - posted on 05/20/2010

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I have 5 kids.... 16, 14, 6 and 9 month old twin girls. All my kids get along except for the twins. the hitting, biting, hair pulling has already started. My older kids laugh at them because right now, its funny and the girls are so young.. but i keep telling them, wait till they get older and who's gonna be laughing then. it does get overwhelming and a bit scary not to mention stressful... and the way i deal with it is... my oldest will be leaving for college in less than 2 years... so i keep telling myself... soon ALL the kids will be gone and then I can work on ME again.

Keep your chin up.. you're doing a fantastic job. Good luck and God Bless

Kourtney - posted on 05/14/2010

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Hi! Sounds like you have your hands full. Although most people expect their twins to get a long well, most have a lot of sibling rivalry due to always being together. Twins also need some 'me' time. I think you should try splitting them up. Have one do a different activity than the other, or maybe have them safely playing in different rooms.

My daughter is 4 and is still clingy to me. I just tell her No, that mommy is busy or is on the phone, that I will play with her when I get a chance. It's what you have to do to get your stuff done. Do you have anyone who could watch them so you could get some "me" time, even a bath helps! Good luck!

Khadijah - posted on 05/13/2010

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Carrie, let me first say...WOW!!! I take my hat off to you for being a super Mom to all of those wonderful children!! As wonderful as our children are we too need a break. I get that way every now and again dealing with my 15 month old twin daughters. They don't hit each other or anything like that but just the day to day with raising multiples can be a hand full.



A good technique is "distraction". When they start going at each other take them by the hand a lead them to something...anything that is safe for them to play with. When both my daughters are pulling at me this technique does wonders. The puzzled look on their face alone is priceless!! :-) I find that kids sometimes just need something new to interact with to keep them calm.



Its okay to tell them "no, mommy is tired", even though they don't always understand.



Right now your best remedy would be to allow yourself a break once a week or even 3 hours out of the day to get out of the house alone. Do you have any relatives that you could leave the kids with for a few hours? Even if its just to get your nails done or go out for a walk. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel and it will reflect in how you care for the kids and your tolerance levels. It doesn't make you a bad mother to want to get away for a while and collect yourself. These days I enjoy my trips to the grocery store alone when I can get them, or when my husband keeps the kids while I go out for pampers or to get a pedicure. Its the small moments away that helps me to keep it together and be a the best Mom that I can possibly be.



We all love our kids but for piece of mind we all need to allow ourselves a break every now and again.

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