school - together or apart! does anyone regret the decision they made?

Donna - posted on 09/04/2011

my twin daughters were seperated and will remain seprate. Both of them are very out going and have had no problems making friends thank goodness. I think its great that they r seperate, Now that they are getting older all they do is fight half the time.

Anastacia - posted on 09/04/2011

I have identical twin girls that are now in first grade. I listened to everyone's opinion in preschool against my better judgement and seperated them. My family and friends were saying things like: If you put them together, they'll be known as "the twins" or "the girls" instead of developing seperate personalities and friendships. So 2 weeks went by and one of the twins(see, I just did it, "the twins") wasn't doing well. She wasn't making any friends and had really high anxieties about school and friends, so I asked if they would please put them together and they did. From that day on they have excelled beyone belief. They get their confidence from the other one's presence. They shine in the class room not just individually, but together. And they lead the classroom, making if more exciting and fun for the other kids. Their preschool teacher still raves about them and I'm still in contact with her even though we moved from KY. In kindergarden they were at a new school bc we moved to FL. Same reviews...they're a smidge in competition with each other, in a positive way, so they push each other to do better, but also again help the class see that school is fun and they really just inspire the class. Now for the bad news: One last move, only this time the school rules will not allow them to be in the same class, regardless the letters that the preschool and kindergarden teachers sent, along with my letter of course. So, new school, 1st grade, different classes...they're ok. They're making new friends individually, that they don't have to share with each other. And actually one of them is going to a friend's house tonight. The other one is a little upset, but I've explained that she to will get to go to her friend's house soon. It's hard for them to see the other have someone else, but they're getting used to it and they enjoy having a little bit of a seperate life. And they appreciate the time they have together more now than they did before. Honestly, it's hard for me. Sometimes I get so caught up in them being together that I do forget they are two different people. So my advice to you would be to start them off together, so they can have that confidence and comfort of the other one's presence in preschool, while they see what school is going to be all about, but then seperate them so they can begin to be different people. Just bc they're in different classes, doesn't mean they won't see each other at all, they still get lunch and recess together....but it will definately give them a chance to be individuals...bc they are.

Sharon - posted on 09/03/2011

I am a twin that was seperated. I ended up staying back and it ruined my life. Please keep them together. My sister and I live together now and we are 60 years old. I never forgot what happened in 2nd grade when they seperated me from my sister. I didn't talk, was scared all the time, and needed her. Please keep them together, and forget what people say. I went through it and it was not right what they did......... An identical twin.

Laura - posted on 05/30/2011

thank you all so much for your comments - this is a huge subject for parents of multiples and it is a very individual decision. I think the most difficult thing is not really knowing how your twins will react if they are separated - keeping them together is much more predictable! We have decided to keep them together and can't change the decision at the moment, however as they have 21 kids in their class they will do work in smaller groups with other teachers and we have requested that they be separated as much as possible in these smaller groups. Looks as if we may have the best of both worlds - they can go together in the morning and feel as if they are together but can be separated some of the time if the teacher thinks it is better for them.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/28/2011

I don't know if this will help but my sister and I are 17 months apart. When we started school the put us in preschool together. I don't think my sister would have taken school well if they hadn't. We ended up going to different grades later and different classes which didn't work out for her. The more they separated us the more she hated me. We went from best friends to never talking school was awful for her. We are grown now and things have gotten a lot better. I think to much separation can be a bad thing. Well to much to soon. You see my sister was the shy one and I the out going one. I guess all you can do is what you think is best for them and help them a long. Also did you try asking them. I know one lady who asked her twins the first year they wanted to be together the next they wanted to try being apart. It couldn't hurt to see how they feel about things. In fact it might help.

Erum - posted on 05/28/2011

Hi,
I have g/b twins so I am lucky, that they have their own needs and desires. However I had kept them together in the same class till they were in KG. If I had to do it again I would. However I would say consider your childs needs before anything else. If you feel that they need to be together at the moment keep them together , maybe they need each other , later you will not have the option or the choice once they are in elementary school.. Wish you and the kids all the best..keep smiling.:)
My Motto:
Never Regret anything which U do for u kids sake.......

Taryn - posted on 05/24/2011

I have quads and we have separated them since they started school. They shared EVERYTHING at home including one bedroom at the time they started school. They each took great pride in having a class that was all their own and didn't have to be shared with the others. They are now in 6th grade and have some classes together. But, honestly, even now they would prefer to have no classes together. I guess it all depends on the children and if they 'need' each other or not. Lots of kids start school every year that have never had an experience like it and they don't have a sibbling to depend on and do just fine. It's all part of growing, however you decide to go. Oh, and I didn't miss class parties or field trips. If you decide to separate them the teachers will work with you so that you can still participate.

Ceinwen - posted on 05/23/2011

My twins were separated in your version of kindergarten at my request they are both very bright and competive. They have both gone really well and enjoy school. They had other children they knew in their class. Most of their friends they had known from birth could not tell them apart they used visual cues like clothing or else called ten twin. I have also seen a lot of twins who haver not been separated and except for one boy/girl set they had no separate identity and one twin was very dependent on the other. I have known identical twins with asd whobwere separated and yes they had limited friendshi circle but they wanted their own friends. Another set with learning difficulties could not function if one was away or doing a different activity they were so dependent.

Esther - posted on 05/23/2011

we have an unidentical twin boys. elder one look alike me and little one look alike daddy. they didn't look like a twin. they are 3.3 old and now attending pre-k. as the teacher always find that elder one always say no when ask to do some activity only join when his little brother join first. if the little didn't join then he will definitely refuse to join. that seems elder one always depends on little one's decision. and we don't want to see the situation continues...some teacher also told me they will distract each other and made them cannot back to the track. That's means they sometimes will disturb the class progress. i have been told when only one them attend the class(one of them is absent of being sick), he is more attentive to class. So, we decide to put them in separate class in coming sept.

Michelle - posted on 05/22/2011

I am a kindergarten teacher and a mother of twins. You know your children best; trust your instincts on this one! To suggest that they should be held back a year before beginning kindergarten is irresponsible given that we do not know your children. What's right for some is not right for all. There are four sets of twins in our daughters' group of junior kindergartners. All four families opted to separate them when they entered 3K, however, the year prior the two sets of twins were kept together. Again, trust your instinct. Mother knows best!

Karen - posted on 05/22/2011

we kept our twins together until this year, fourth grade, and I wish we had still kept them together. They arent totally dependant on each other, they have different friends, but for me to help out with their class was much, much easier when they were in the same class, I could do both at once and didnt have to either chose one or the other and make one lose out or do each thing twice. It just worked out so much easier when they were together. They remembered things, homework, etc, they both had to bring the same things at the same time to the same class, etc. With them apart, I have gone to things twice, had to chose one or the other for holiday class parties, had to figure out separate field trips, I hate them being in separate classes! It was much better together, and next year I am going to put them back together for sure.

Teresa - posted on 05/22/2011

My girls were together in preschool, but apart starting in K (they were also 4.5). They have 4 days left of being in the 4th grade and I have no regrets at all w/ them being seperated. It was/is SOOO good for them to get some space from each other.

Barbara - posted on 05/22/2011

I have 41 yr old identical twin girls. I started them out in the same class for kindergarten because it was only half days. It wouldn't have worked for my work schedule to have one in the morning & one in the afternoon. However when it came time for the 1st grade & on I left it up to the school. Some times they had a class together but for the most part they did not. The teachers did better too, cause they treated them as individuals, which is how they should be treated, ALWAYS! It worked out fine for everyone.

Clare Denise - posted on 05/22/2011

Soory my name is Clare Pemberton in Cairns....From N.Z. Just replyd about our twins in school....

Clare Denise - posted on 05/22/2011

All I know is that the more together they are the happier they are...we have twin boys and one had Glandular fever and the next year was struggling in school so we separated them and we had adjoining cvlassrooms so every now and again they would go to the adjoining door and hold hands and have their twin moment then they would go back to their class ..and that helped..and they still in different grades now...but when they get home they are very much back in each others world and they need that after school......Go with your instincs ..Our school always keeps them together otherwise if special requests they separate..but we had twins one year at our school in every grade up to year 12.........

Laura - posted on 05/20/2011

My id girls were in the same class pre k through kindergarten. The kindergarten teacher and the principal suggested they be separated for 1st grade ( they fought with each other but no one else in class). I agreed with it. We were lucky because it was a small school so the 1st grade teachers worked together....they were able to sit together at lunch. They stayed pretty much separated the rest of school career...did well and made their own friends. Now they go to different colleges. I don't regret the decision but it is definitely a personal one. If your twins are going into a new situation, keep them together. I think it helps them. Once they are in school and are comfortable, then maybe separate them. If they are able to make separate friends while being in the same class, I would keep them together. If they appear to cling to each other, then separating them might be best. Go with your gut. There is lots of research out there if you need to let the administration of your school know.

Maryann - posted on 05/20/2011

My boys will be six and August and are starting
Kindergarden I agree holding them back is another
Thing to consider. We are keeping them back after speaking to the principal of their school he actully
Advised me to keep them together the 1st year and see how it goes I can always separate later
In his words their only little and may need each other
It's a hugh transition

Janelle - posted on 05/20/2011

I kept my boys togeather in kindergarten although hubby wanted to separate them. I thought after them being at daycare with only 60 kids going to 600 I wanted them togeather they are identical. They are now year 1 and the teacher asked if it will be ok to seperate them this year. They had formed there own friends and by the end of the year were not too concerned about were the other was, they are having no problems being separated they still see each other recess lunch etc.

Tatiana - posted on 05/20/2011

My twin boys are 3 1/2 and they go to the same day care, and next year to the same school, what they told me is that they should be in different class rooms.

Laura - posted on 05/20/2011

Wow! thank you so much for your encouraging responses. Every child is very individual and its really great to hear what you all have to say. our biggest worries are that they will distract each other and be disruptive together and as they will be schooled in their second language that is also an issue. My older son has found it quite difficult and overwhelming in kindergarten and although he is a very confident open child at home he is extremely reserved and quiet at kindergarten (we are not sure why). We thought with our twins if they are dealing with being in an overwhelming situation AND being separated it would have a negative effect. I considered keeping them at home another year as they are quite young (they are born end Feb and cut off date for kindergarten is end April) and small for their age, but in many ways they are very advanced and kindergarten here is all about learning through play. I also think that their language will only develop once they start kiga and the sooner they have daily interaction with other kids the better. Also in 2 years they will start proper school and will be together as there will only be one class so I think they need to get used to it now. Its just very unnerving when everyone who thinks they have a right to voice an opinion tells us we should separate them (although happy to hear your experiences with that)!

Lisa - posted on 05/20/2011

I kept my girls together for nursery and school (they are 5 and are just completing their first year) and don't regret my decision. The school wanted to separate them due to them not being able to 'develop their own personalities' and not having their 'own friends' which I think is rubbish to be honest, they definitely have their own personalities, are very individual and don't often play or sit together at school. I think if they'd been overly reliant on each other and spoke for one another I might have separated them, but they have always been encouraged to be 'individuals'. For my girls it would have been awful for them to be separated because they do like to look out for each other if they are upset etc. It has meant that they settled into school very quickly. We did ask their opinion, they visited the school and the teacher asked them and still they wanted to be together. It's easier practically as well. They go into the same class, I pick them up from the same door and don't have to split myself between 2 classes, which was easier for me when they were settling in. My girls are identical as well, so although they wear a uniform I do try to dress them as differently as possible (diff shoes etc). I know some adults and children mix them up, but I explained to the girls that people will often mix them up and they should say who they are. I also used to be a teacher and have taught twins who remained in the same class and didn't ever find a problem with it. Hope this helps.

Tawny - posted on 05/20/2011

I have twin girls who are now 11 and in the 5th grade. The school they go to seperates twins. When I first heard this I didn't know if I would like it. They had went to the same preschool together but never been seperated. Now that they are older I am glad that the school seperated them.
I think that it gave them the chance to each make their own friends and not always be known as a twin. It helped them both develop their own personality. Good Luck.

Miriam - posted on 05/20/2011

I have baby boy twins, but I also have an 8 year old boy and am a teacher (a counselor next school year) as well. My eight year old has a birthday august 22, and I put him in kindergarten as soon as he turned 5! It all depends on the child not the gender, some girls may not be ready and some boys may. My son has always been one of the most mature and smarter ones in his class since he started school and he never went to day care or pre-k so use your judgement. and i would keep them together for your sake so you can keep up with one teacher and those functions and activities instead of 2, and its probably better for them as they get older they will tell you what they want :+) good luck.

Carolyn - posted on 05/20/2011

i have 2 sets of twins and both lots were kept together in school. they will decide for themselves if they want to carry on sitting together etc . they will make friends of their own too .mine are 28 and 18 and both sets are happy , well adjusted individuals . they all passed all exams at school and college . they are also very close to their twin and each other as siblings. i am a very proud mum of 1 boy and 3 girls x

Mary - posted on 05/20/2011

First as a kindergarten teacher I would say hold off on kindergarten one more year! They will grow emotionally which will help them tremendously in years to come! My twin boys will be 5 in August and I am hiding off starting them until they turn 6. They ate very bright boys but in general it's hard for boys - they are active and starting school too early can be frustrating for them! My vote is keep them together - you will know when they are ready to be separated;) good luck!

Lauren - posted on 05/20/2011

My twin girls, now 10 and in 4th grade, started kindergarten through second grade in the same class. It is much easier to keep track of homework and projects when your children are too young to do it on their own. Also, when your children are in the lower grades it is important to them to have their mom help out in the classroom and chaperone field trips which would be very difficult if they were in separate classes. My girls each have some of the same friends and also their own friends. They have never suffered academically or emotionally because they were in the same class. They are now both thriving in separate classes as they enter 5th grade next fall. Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 05/20/2011

Studies show that ANY kids who start school together- be they sibling, neighbor, friend, whatever- are going to acclimate quicker because they have a support system. The honest truth is you've got to go with your gut and do what's best for your kids, not fall prey to popular twin theory. If you believe it would unreasonably stressful on your twins to be separated, then advocate their unity. If you think they will benefit from and enjoy the time apart, split 'em up! It really is that simple.

Kelly - posted on 05/20/2011

My b/g twins will be 6 when they start Kindergarten in the fall and they will be in the same class. We talked to their preschool teacher about our decision and she said that she says no problems with them being in the same class. We plan on keeping them together until they tell us that they want to be separated. I think it will just be easier for me to deal with one teacher/one set of homework etc...We also have twin boys that are 2 and plan on doing the same with them.

Heather - posted on 05/20/2011

Julia,
It is a false statement being together in school will "stunt their mental growth". That is just unfair to make that generalization. My boys are 10 and we never had an issue with mental growth due to them being together in school, or any other reason for that matter.
They love each other, they are best friend.... they choose to play together, but, they are individuals and are their own person(s).

Julia - posted on 05/20/2011

I think it is good to separate so they can find themselves. and build better social groups. being a twin is hard enough and you someetimes dont have your own identy and teachers always group you together or mix u up. i say separate so they can have their own friends. When they get home they will have something to talk about and might even fight less because they had that time apart. the school is right to separate or else they will depend on each other for everything and stunt their mental growth

Heather - posted on 05/20/2011

I will also add that my school district had a policy to seperate twins and I fought it, and won.

Heather - posted on 05/20/2011

My boys arw 10 now. When they were in school (I homeschool now) they were together.
My boys had never been to day care or anything when they entered K and I, along with their Dr., thought that it would be too stressfull on 5 yr olds to go to school AND be seperated. It was all new to them and they needed to be together :-)

Chantel - posted on 05/20/2011

My boys were together for JK. Then apparently it's mandatory to separate twins here (Ontario). I don't like it and I think it would benefit Nathan(ASD) to be with his brother. Nathan is now in Grade five and still only socially interacts when with his brother.