Separate classrooms at school???

Amber - posted on 08/06/2010 ( 23 moms have responded )

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My twin boys are getting ready to start kindergarten later this month. They have never spent a whole day apart. It's policy in the school district where we live that twins be separated at school (classroom wise). At first, I was all for this idea; thinking it would not only be beneficial for their education, but also for the sanity of the teachers. Now, as the first day of school draws nearer, I worried. They will be attending all day kindergarten and have never spent more than 2 hours apart at a time. They will get to see each other in the hallways, recess, and lunch; but during learning time, they will be apart. Have any of you ever gone through this? Is it a good idea to keep them separated or request that they be in the same classroom??

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Stacy - posted on 08/13/2010

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I went through this when my boys were entering kindergarten, well it was terrible. Now I do agree that it depends on the twins. My boys are 10 yrs old now and for the most part doing ok, but it took 3yrs, with doctors, specialists, and counseling to get them to this point. So for parents who keep their twins at home for the first 5yrs of their lives, w/o babysitters, daycare, or any interaction from others; separation is not the key. Also my oldest is way more attached to the youngest than the youngest is to him, and he experienced regretion in the worst way. The school eventually had to put them back together it was that bad, and they stayed that until they decided to split in 3rd grade. Now we are 4th graders and they do get to see each often, but I still sense that the older one wishes they could still be together.

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Cheryl - posted on 08/15/2010

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First, I must say it angers me that school districts make decisions (called policies) like this without consulting the parents whose families are impacted.



My daughters are entering 4th grade. When they were toddlers, we figured we would know when/if they needed to be separated. We never expected that to be as early as it was. For privacy and convenience, I'll refer to my girls as A and B for this story. In pre-k, a A started to finish B's sentences, and B would spend much of her day crying because she didn't have whatever it was that A had (toy, friend, attention, etc). It was clearly very damaging to B's confidence and self-esteem. So everyone who knew them could see that they needed time apart. The school they were in only had one class per grade, so we had to change schools to get them into separate classes. Because of their fall birthday, they ended up having to repeat pre-k (another parent-less policy), but they were in separate classes. The improvement in confidence was immediate and profound.



Jump forward to now, we have NOT been as concerned about separating them in summer camp. We have begun to see A often give up something she wants to appease B, even when it's not necessary. Now this is damaging to A's self-esteem, so I think there is still benefit to making sure they have time to figure out who they are as individuals, and not just as a pair.



I wish you luck, and trust your instincts!

Donna - posted on 08/14/2010

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my twin daughters will too be starting kindergarten in a coouple weeks, they attended 5 weeks of summer school, the district thought it would be a good idea since they had never been to pre k. Come to find out they were placed in seperate classes. they didn't seem at all phased by it, and this yr they have seperate teachers. I dont really think its too big of a deal, Im sure yur sons will do just fine

Monica - posted on 08/14/2010

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My twins have been in seperate classrooms since 4 year old preschool, they are now entering the 3rd grade. This has been good for them, even though before they spent every waking hour together and have always been close. I was worried at first, but they did fine and were able to become two individuals with different personalities. When not in school though, they are together all the time and the best of friends. It does help a lot that they see each other in the cafeteria, hallways and recess. Even if it is accross the room or hallway, they have the comfort of knowing they are close by.

I would give it atleast the fall semester before making any changes, it may take that long to adjust. If at the holiday break one or both are struggling, insist on them being in the same classroom.

Crystal - posted on 08/14/2010

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Mine are together this is their first year also. They are handling it fine. The teacher has seperated them as far as seating arrangements, but they are doing well with it otherwise. They have their own interests and friends and are well adjusted and it helps to not have 2 different classrooms to keep up with :)

Connie - posted on 08/14/2010

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My twins are now 21, but I am active still on the SCPTA Board of Directors. I suggest that you first, get involved in your boys' parent association. Talk to the principal and see if they separate the classes by "teams". I always requested my boys be in different classes but on the same team, so that class field trips were always the same day. That way, I could volunteer to chaperone and be essentially doing it for both boys. (Being a full time working mom, I could not take two days off to do that!) Hope this helps!

Gretchen - posted on 08/12/2010

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Our school's policy is to separate. I think it has done wonders for my twins because it gives them a chance to 'blossom' on their own. Before they started school, we could always count on one of them to behave a certain way and the other to behave a certain way. When they got to school, that all went out the window! I was worried too, but it really gives them a chance to explore their own space without being labeled a 'one of the twins.' They know that the other is there and take comfort in that.

Nicole - posted on 08/11/2010

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I know someone that requested her twins stay in the same classroom. As I talked with her, I agree and will be requesting the same teacher for my twins. If they are in the same class, they are going to have the same amount of homework. As they get older, this will help out when some teachers give more homework than others. Also, they are going to excel at their own individual areas anyway. If they are getting the same teaching style and information, they will both be on the same "page" so to speak.

Sheila - posted on 08/11/2010

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Mine aren't old enough for school, but I have a friend that is a twin, and she told me that when they got older, they did have to be separated because she always did her twin brother's homework. My thoughts on this is that it is a good idea to separate them now. This will give them an opportunity to be the individuals that they are, and also they will have a different group of friends this way. Like you said, they will see each other during lunch and recesses, so they won't be apart all day. Ultimately it is your choice, but I say give it a chance. If you don't think it is working out for them, then request that they be put together. You might find that they want to be in separate classes. Good luck.

[deleted account]

I would insist on keeping them together until the boys decide they no longer want to be in the same class. There is no reason to separate twins. If one of your sons had a "best friend" in his kindergarden class, would the school "insist" that they be separated? Of course not. Why should twins be treated any differently? They will develop their own friends and their own personalities on their own time -- it's completely arbitrary, and likely detrimental, to separate them so young without a compelling reason to do it.

Tammy - posted on 08/10/2010

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When my girls first started public school, I seperated them so that Maddie would get her own footing socially and Lyndsey would get her own footing academically. This worked well. However, whe they started 3rd grade, my youngest started school. So with 4 in school, I decided to put the girls together so that I could better keep track of 3 assignments instead of 4. This was a mistake for the girls. Lyndseys grades improved but Maddie (who had always been an A student) had her grades drop. She was too concerned with "Is sissy getting her work done, does she understand what she is suppose to be doing, etc". So the next year I seperated them again. Now this year we are homeschooling so I was able to tailor the program to fit each girl. How do your boys do if one goes somewhere for a while such as grandmas or a friend? This may get them use to being apart some. Good luck!!

Therese - posted on 08/10/2010

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When my twin boys were going into kindergarten the policy was to separate them. I was very nervous since they were never apart from eachother even in preschool. the school said it was for the best so they could make new friends and not be competitive with eachother. Well, I must say that the school was right. I was very nervous at the beginning and it was an adjustment but my boys are now in 5th grade and are doing great. They have the same friends and also separate friends. They even help eachother with their homework. there is no competitiion about who gets better grades or who finishes homework first becasue they have different teachers with different work loads. I strongly suggest that they go into separate classrooms. You won't be dissapointed.

Kathleen - posted on 08/10/2010

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I kept my boys together through Pre-K and Kindergarten and separated them for the first time last year for 1st grade. It's worked out really well. There is less competition between them b/c they have different homework, different tests, different friends! I'm not comparing them as much either. They may be twins, but they are their own people with different interests and different learning styles. Saying this, what works for me doesn't work for everyone. Go with your instincts....mom knows best!

Stacey - posted on 08/10/2010

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My twins are in year 4 now and i highly recommend having them in seperate classes. That wat they become less depedent on each other, make their own friends and devolp at their own time.

Theresa - posted on 08/09/2010

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Thats crazy the school wants to separate them.... i was given the choice for my girls... Ask the boys.... what do they want for each other. That is how I chose for my girls prek. No one will know better then those big boys of yours..... GOOD LUCK

Julie - posted on 08/09/2010

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I put my twins together one year, and it was awful. They were so competitive, made no effort to make other friends, and tattled on each other about everything. I found separated they got along better after school, since they had something to talk about. They also made their own friends and had a chance to express their own identities. They still found each other on the playground and at lunch. I'm all for separate!

Kat - posted on 08/07/2010

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Hi, at my girls school we discussed the options with the school - in the end my girls didnt want to be seperated and so we kept them in the same class - they have been at school for 6 months now and are thriving - the quieter one is learning to speak up but she still has her sister there for support - they have also started to play with different children during the break - as they have always been together I feel this is the better option..Good Luck

Amber - posted on 08/07/2010

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Thank you for your help ladies! I'll definitely give it a try and if it doesn't work out, talk with the principal about another arrangement!

Jane - posted on 08/07/2010

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We separated our twins from the beggining. Now they are going into 5th grade and we are putting them together so they will integrate with eachother in a classroom setting. This decision is to get them ready for middle school when they will be sharing a class on occassion. This is new for our school and therefore a test of sorts as hte schools in my area also frown on siblings sharing a classroom. They did well in the past, the only drawback is homework. We enjoyed watching them develope seperate personalities!

Jessica - posted on 08/07/2010

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My twin boys just started kinder last week. I decided since they've never been apart and starting school is scary enough to put them together the first year. Then next year separate them. I want them to have their own friends and not have the teacher always comparing them. I don't dress them alike so the teacher doesn't get confused. I prefer them together because I also volunteer so I don't have to divide my time between 2 classes.

Amanda - posted on 08/07/2010

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In the county that I live in they leave it up to the parents to seperate them or not which is a good thing.. A lot of twins hate being away from each other, I kno my twins go through sepration anxiety and they are only 3 but when they are not with each other they get physically ill... I think that is should be left up to the parents.. but when our twins are ready for school we are going to be doing homeschooling

[deleted account]

My girls start in a couple of weeks too. I had called the school last year to see what their policies were and they do separate them. I was getting things in order to fight it and then started seeing things in my girls that made me think that it wouldn't be such a bad idea. The most they have been apart in 5 1/2yrs is probably a total of 10hrs. I have one who is my "velcro" baby and I'm most worried about her. They are both leaders in different areas but I started noticing in her that if her sister did something then she would want it the EXACT same way and would have a meltdown if it wasn't. So I'm thinking that for her to be on her "own" will help her have faith in herself doing things her way. You could always try the separation and if it's bad then go talk to the principal.

Heather - posted on 08/07/2010

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We will be homeschooling our twins, so they will be together, but when my older son was in kindergarten he had a twin boy in his class whose twin brother was in a separate class, they had recess separate too, as well as lunch... they didn't see each other accept in passing in the hall. For some twins this is fabulous for others it is fatal. It depends on the twins. You know your twins best, if it isn't going well maybe you can speak with the school and demand they be switched to the same class, but who knows, they may thrive!

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