Should I put my four year old twin boys in the same preK class or seperate them?

Steph - posted on 03/15/2010 ( 52 moms have responded )

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Hi, new to this group. Joined today. Just wanted some advise if anyone has any? My twin boys will be starting PreK the fall of 2010 and i was wondering if I should seperate them or keep them in the same class together? They have a huge dependence on each other and have never done anything major without the other one. Should i seperate them so they have to make friends and learn how to interact with other children there age? Or keep them together cause when their older they will more then likey hang out together anyway? Any suggestions or am i over analyzing?

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Holly - posted on 03/20/2010

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My twins are 3 yrs old and best friends. They started pre-school in the fall of this last year. I requested that they be kept together even though there pre-school teacher does not respect my choice. I feel they will eventually find there own friends but they have a special bond that no one can break. I wish I had someone that I could go to school wit evey day when I was little it would be less scary. They ride the school bus in the am with there 3 older brothers and come home at lunch time together. They were so excited that very first day of school to get on that big bus with the big kids. I think it is good they have each other foe security and I am not going to take that away from them. When they get older they will make there own choices when they decide they need there own space.

Emma - posted on 03/21/2010

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Hello, I have 4 year old twin girls. They have been together for the last two years at kindy but we are moving back to the UK and they start school this September. I am requesting to split them into different classes. I feel strange about it but think they need it as we feel they distract each other too much and fight for attention. The reports we get from kindy are that they play seperate from each other and have different friends but as soon as one of them is distressed at all the other is there checking that everything is ok, giving hugs and kisses. We think they need their individual space to develop as an individual person not just one half of a "twin". It's a hard decision to make and everyone has an opinon, but at the end of the day you know your children and how they will cope with been seperated. best of luck, Emma (Melbourne, Australia)

Debbie - posted on 03/20/2010

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Hi Steph

I kept my girls together in pre-school. As a first 'school' experience I think it is important to let them be together if they want that/need that right now. As they get on in grades, the schools will likely insist they be seperated.(although most parents do not realize the schools do ot have the right to seperate simply because they are twins). After a a couple of years in a private church school with 8 kids in classroom; they moved to public school environment with over 25 kids/class and I kept them together for another year. I felt they needed the stability of being together while they transitioned to 'public' school. They next year, they chose to be in seperate classes. This worked great for us!

Amanda - posted on 03/20/2010

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My twin boys were in preschool together until they started the PreK class. I seperated them because the school system would when they started Kindergarten. It was the best thing ever! They were no longer compared to each other. They are now in kindergarten and I don't regret it at all. They still have time to spend together. I also teach preschool and from my experience as a teacher if they are dependent on each other then it would be better to seperate them so they develop as individuals.

Angela - posted on 03/19/2010

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I have twin boys and I started them in head start together but shortly seperated them. They are two seperate kids. With different likes. I think seperating them was the best thing for both of them. Still now they are in different classrooms. They have lunch and recess together. Twins are so unique they will always be each others best friend. Putting them in different classrooms give them the chance to be different from each other.

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Torrey - posted on 03/25/2011

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Mine are in PreK, I have them in the same class, the teacher has them in the same group for certain activities during the day. We (the teacher and I) agreed they are too young to be separated just yet. Its Pre-K not high school.

Janeane - posted on 03/27/2010

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Ours start K this fall, and we have decided to keep them together. We didn't want to add to the stress of starting school by taking them from each other. In time they'll make their own friends and have their own interests. Besides, by keeping them together we don't have to worry about them pulling the old switch-a-roo.

Priscilla - posted on 03/23/2010

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No, you are not over analyzing. I did it too. My 4 year old twin boys, just started PreK (we live in Costa Rica) in feb and we separated them. They had never been apart for long but this has been a good thing because one of them is the leader and the other one follows and does what his brother "orders", so he has no chance to develop himself without the constant supervision of his brother. Now, the teachers tell me that he's doing well and feels "free"and surprisingly the leader is the one who is constantly asking for his brother yet. So, this defenitely has been a good.decision and I feel that we are doing a good thing for them so that learn how to develop themselves alone and don't worry they'll always be best friends and would never separate when old, because their bond is stronger than anything else.

Christiana - posted on 03/22/2010

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It would depend on your twins, if you don't think they could handle it. Then keeping them together may be good. My twins started kindergarden this year, we decided to separate them. But all through their Preschool days they were together. I made this choice because one of my boys was quite and wouldn't make friends on his own. They would also do each others work. I thought that putting them in different classes would help them to be theirselves. I still think that I made the right choice, they have two different teachers and they compliment both of their ways of learning.

Sabrina - posted on 03/22/2010

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My boy girl twins are in the same prek class. I have watched them play and they are always together still and they usually have another class mate playing with them.. In school it's usually a boy that is crushing on my daughter but when we went to to park over spring break they were playing with a bunch of girls and my son was the leader.. LOL.. Mine don't do much apart either. they still sleep in the same room. I don't know what to do when kindergarten starts.. I will have to figure that one out in another year..

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Since your boys have a strong relationship, separating them now as they're starting school for the first name may do more harm than good. If you are really worried about them doing things differently, I would keep them together but talk to the teacher to see if there are separate reading groups, play groups, etc. in the same class and maybe that is the way to separate them. That way they are together in the same class part of the time and apart the rest. After a couple of years of school maybe you can put them in completely different classes too. Just my ideas.

Wendie - posted on 03/22/2010

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when my twins went to preschool they were together. But they did things in group activites seperately. so they could meet more friends.

Hannah - posted on 03/22/2010

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i have twin boys and i seperated them as soon as they started school. it gives them a sense of their own self and not to depend on the other one so much of being there. when one is sick the other one can still go because they have seen that they can make their own friends and not be alone at school

[deleted account]

Only you know what is best for your children - trust your mother's inutition and you can't go wrong!
My twins started in the same class but were seated away from each other and put in different activity groups. This gave them the 'best of both worlds' and it wasn't until year three that I felt they were ready to be apart. YOU WILL KNOW WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT!

Karen - posted on 03/21/2010

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So glad to see someone else with identicals keeping their twins together for kindergarten! It makes me feel much better with my decision.

Karen - posted on 03/21/2010

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I'm dealing with this right now too. I put my identical twins together this year for pre-k. They're in the same class, but in different groups. They've never been separated from one another or from me until this year. For kindergarten I'm insisting that they are kept together in the same classroom. They really have some terrible separation anxiety issues and do not do well when they are not together. I see myself setting them up for failure. So, I'm insisting that they stick together for another year. Good luck at figuring this tough decision out for your little ones!

Whendi - posted on 03/21/2010

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I have twin boys that are in 4th grade! We started them out in pre-school together and then in 1st grade the school separated them without asking us! We decided we would try it because they do not depend on eachother! They do still sleep together but otherwise at school they have different friends etc. That year they started to fight like they never had before! In second grade we requested they be put back together and the fighting ended! We can not explain it but for us it is better to keep them together! No one can explain the relationship between a set of twins but as for us, we have to just try and see what works for them!

Amae - posted on 03/20/2010

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My twin boys started kinder this year and we decided to keep them together. They did fine together in preschool. They were able to socialize with other children even when they were in the same room. I did some research....here's a helpful link to the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Club....http://www.nomotc.org/index.php?option=c... says that it depends on your twins....I have decided to keep my boys together until they don't want to be together or they have a substantial issue in the classroom.......like a discipline problem or negative co-dependency on one another so that they don't socialize with other kids.....so I think the choice is really up to you....you can always try them together see how they do....they might suprise you....but if they don't do well in preschool then seperate them when they get to elementary. You can also ask the teacher to have them seperated within the classroom. My boys don't sit anywhere near each other and they usually don't get to work together either.

Kamesha - posted on 03/20/2010

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Well I have found it very interesting reading all the posts as I am a mother of (fratenral) twin boys. They will be going to pre-school next year and have always been together in daycare. I wondered about when and if I shpuld split them up with them being so young.All of these replys have been helpful. So during pre-K it's okay for them too be together then maybe think about splitting them up for Kindergarten and beyond?

Quilty - posted on 03/19/2010

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We put our twins in the same class for their first year of school. After that, they didn't have any classes together until high school.

Claudia - posted on 03/19/2010

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My twins are starting with pre-k this year and they are staying together, that is the best choice, it depends how well you know your boys and if you think they woun't make it withouth each other, try not to make it harder for them.

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Mine were in the same pre-k. The school we went to gave us a choice and I'm very happy that's what we did.It was a new school for them and most of the other kids had been there since they were 18 months old. It really helped them feel confident in going there. Plus, we moved after the start of the school year so it was nice for them to be the new kids but automatically have a friend in the class.

We split them apart for kindergarten. It was the best thing we could have done. One of mine is extremely outgoing. This is weird to say, but he has that "it" factor. When he walks into a room, everyone notices him. Because of that, he tends to overshadow his brother. My shyer one has really thrived being apart from his brother. The other one was upset about the first week with the separation, but they have p.e. and lunch together as well as do after-care together. We also have a friend who is a first grade teacher and through her years of experience recommends twins be separated by first grade. She has never had one person tell her it was the wrong choice..she does have those who chose to not separate tell her it was a mistake.

Long story short, pre-k we kept them together, kindergarten we separated them. A lot will have to do with their situation. If you have one that tends to overshadow the other, my personal opinion is that separation at k is better. But pre-k it's their first time going to school it's comforting to have a best friend in the class.

[deleted account]

Mine were in the same pre-k. The school we went to gave us a choice and I'm very happy that's what we did.It was a new school for them and most of the other kids had been there since they were 18 months old. It really helped them feel confident in going there. Plus, we moved after the start of the school year so it was nice for them to be the new kids but automatically have a friend in the class.

We split them apart for kindergarten. It was the best thing we could have done. One of mine is extremely outgoing. This is weird to say, but he has that "it" factor. When he walks into a room, everyone notices him. Because of that, he tends to overshadow his brother. My shyer one has really thrived being apart from his brother. The other one was upset about the first week with the separation, but they have p.e. and lunch together as well as do after-care together. We also have a friend who is a first grade teacher and through her years of experience recommends twins be separated by first grade. She has never had one person tell her it was the wrong choice..she does have those who chose to not separate tell her it was a mistake.

Long story short, pre-k we kept them together, kindergarten we separated them. A lot will have to do with their situation. If you have one that tends to overshadow the other, my personal opinion is that separation at k is better. But pre-k it's their first time going to school it's comforting to have a best friend in the class.

Anitra - posted on 03/18/2010

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I have twin boys that just turned 3, one has down syndrome just started at at special needs pre school class, was very hesitant to put on a bus since he is only 3. He has done great started him out riding only back first week and I drove him in, he will start to ride both ways next week. I wanted to have the boyz in the same class, for now the other will start out at a different school. Maybe one day they will be in an intergrated classroom together. My one is very helpful with the other. good luck

Carolyn - posted on 03/18/2010

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It is definitely an individual choice, and you know them best. My boys were in preschool together and loved it. I separated them once they started Kindergarten, thinking that time apart might be nice, though they got along well.They always 'found' each other at recess and always played with a child who was an under dog or handicapped. Once one even snuck into his brother's class. In 4th grade one teacher noticed my son taking a paper out to recess that he'd worked on in class. The curious teacher followed him only to see that he'd found his twin brother to show him what he'd done and his brother had complimented his work.! Precious memories. Even the ones when they smeared poop on the walls at nap time daily for 5 mos. when they were 2! One thing I noticed all through elementary school was that one of them, usually the same twin, seemed to have a 'better' teacher and classroom situation. I don't think they noticed, but I did. In jr high and high school they had some classes together and some not. They grew as great individuals as they got older, but just loved being together mostly. Twins! They really do love being together!
The past 10 yrs I worked at a charter school with 2nd graders and kindergarteners. I noticed that the twins all were placed together by the parents choice-maybe they knew something I didn't back then. Hind sight, they say , is 20/20. If I had it do over, I would put them together.Now I do recall a period from ages 12-15 when adolescent hormones kicked inn where they fought a little-but it passed-thank the Lord... Daniel is going to be 30 this June- His twin brother, Timothy, we lost in a car accident Sept 9, 2001- just 14 mos after he was married. Though Tim was married and they were 21 at the time- they had gone jogging the night before together...twins just love being together. I'm almost sure if I asked Daniel, he would tell me now that he would have prefered the same class with Tim. Blessings dear one as you continue to enjoy your twins-They grow so quickly-really♥

Tracy - posted on 03/18/2010

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I have 4 year old identical girls. They did 3 year old Pre-K last year and 4 year old Pre-K this year. They turn 5 in June and will be in K. I requested them to be in the same class for the last 2 years and for K mainly because they don't get the concept of same class for the entire year yet. I imagine they will soon and then it will be their choice. As long as they don't cause an issue in class and you don't dress them alike making it harder on the teachers, I'd say keep them together until they ask to be separated or can at least explain it to you!

Theresa - posted on 03/18/2010

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I agree with Tracy R. As they get older they need to develop their own interests. My twins were placed in different classes (not by design) until the 6th grade, where they had the same teachers, but at different times. One of them has ADHD and had a hard time adjusting to the social activities in Middle School. The other twin's teacher made a comment to me one day that she didn't see why that twin didn't help the other twin with her homework and make sure she did it. I told her it wasn't that it wouldn't be fair to make that twin responsible for the other twin. That was when I decided to have a 504 plan in place in the school system for the one with ADHD. In the plan it was agreed that the girls would have different teachers as much as possible. It worked great for them. However, no amount of advice is going to help you with your decision about your twins. After reading all these posts, go with your heart. You will know what is best for your children.

Wendy - posted on 03/18/2010

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My boys are 13 and I kept them together through most of Elementary school - they were separated a few times, and it didn't go well. One doesn't like homework and would lie to us about having it. If he was in the same class as his brother it didn't work as well. They are also Fraternal to the point that it took their first grade teacher 3 weeks to realize they were brothers let alone twins :-)

Wendy - posted on 03/18/2010

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It really does depend on your kids. The research shows that children who start school with a friend or a twin do better. If you kids have never been to day care or other outside the home without you functions I would definately keep them together. The reason kids who start school with a buddy do better is it eases the separation anxiety of leaving the parents. If this is the first time your twins have left you - asking them to also leave each other may be too traumatic. I had one girlfriend who's identical twins were very dependant on each other and they separated them and they spent the first six weeks of school crying at the door that separated the two classes. It was VERY traumatic for all involved. Go with your gut.

Angel - posted on 03/18/2010

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My twins are 7 yrs old and VERY close. Best friends. When they went to preschool, their pediatrician advised us that we keep them in the same class. Kindergarten however was a different story. I had them in different classes. My girls are a sort of "juggernaut" together and with 20+ other kids in the class, it would be difficult on the teacher. Also, my twins learn in different ways and each of them have their strong points and weaknesses. As they've gotten older, they've become a little more competitive with each other, so it's been good that they've been in different classes. (which btw, since kindergarten, their classes have always been right next door to each other and have always shared time, such as reading groups and sharing...which has been great!)

Mary - posted on 03/18/2010

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We kept our boys together for 2 years of preschool, and they are currently in the same kindergarten class. They will be separated from now on.....as is the "policy" of their elementary. While they are in class together, the teacher often separates them into different groups, or she keeps them together. As she sees benefits of both scenarios. If your boys are as close as mine are, they will love being together, but they'll also feel secure enough to start branching out, knowing that their best friend is right there. Our boys are as close as anything!! And as they start thinking about 1st grade, they are looking forward to being in different classes, but they have already decided that they are going to still eat lunch every day together and play together @ recess.

Vicki - posted on 03/18/2010

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I'm sort of like Micki - my boys are 26 this year. They didn't have a preschool where we live back then so it wasn't an option for them. But kindergarten the school had the separation policy for all related children - siblings cousins, etc. - so the boys were separated but did a lot of activities together and had adjoining classrooms. their teachers were WONDERFUL and very understanding about the boys concerns for each other. Aaron's teacher said he always was at the door checking up on his brother when she went to the door and she always let him look - super nice and when the brother didn't come to school and Aaron had a tough day bc his brother wasn't there she was very encouraging and helpful. They were separated until fourth grade when Aaron would have had a teacher who would have been VERY detrimental to his education (he had her in first grade and she bribed the kids - just not a good teacher) and we demanded they be in the same room. It worked out very well.

We lived about ten miles from the school and they got on the bus at about 7 AM as well and except for poor Aric getting carsick on the bus so often they did fine. They had a great bus driver who was wonderful with the kids and the youngest kids had to sit up front near him so he could make sure the older children (up to seniors) wouldn't have TOO much influence on them. Of course because they were twins there were always someone who thought they were the cutest thing ever and watched out for them.

Rebecca - posted on 03/18/2010

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we kept our twin girls in the same class but they don't sit together,they have thier own friends.they just like to know that each other is there.

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Hi, I have twin girls that are now aged 12. I have never separated them. I've talked to the schools beforehand - some schools has a policy to split twins. We agreed that they should stay together until the 3rd grade and then the school can split them, should they think it is necessary. Up to now that has never happened. they actually compete with one another in regards to their grades and are doing very well.

You know them best, and I believe the school should listen to you first before making a decision.

Heidi - posted on 03/17/2010

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We decided to keep our 5 year old identical boys together in Kindergarten next year. We found several studies that found behavior and reading scores were better/higher if identical twins were kept together through age 7. The studies didn't find a benefit with keeping fraternal twins together. Interesting stuff...

Stephanie - posted on 03/17/2010

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I have 12 year old twins boy/girl and I seperated them in Pre-K and K. They were very dependent on each other nad I felt that they needed to learn to be with out each other een if its was only for school time. Now they are competitive at school with their grades, but still have that twin bond. Raising twins can be rewarding and frustrating at the same time. Good luck with no matter what you choose.

Celeste - posted on 03/17/2010

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Of course, it's ultimately your decision but I'll share what we did..My twin boys (fraternal) started PPCD (preschools for kids with special needs through the district) when they turned 3. The teachers and therapists felt it was best to separate them because they feed off of each other and it is hard for them to see where they really are at. They see each other for computer, music and Pre K, which made me feel better. They are really thriving and making a ton of progress.

Good luck with your decision!

Teri - posted on 03/17/2010

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I am keeping my boys together for the first year and I'll reassess from there. I figure that for the first few years this will be beneficial.

My friends who have twins in preschool already just have their teachers keep an eye on their interactions and make sure that they don't hang only with themselves.

Tara - posted on 03/17/2010

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To help us get past the fear of seperation with our boys (fraternal), we have started small outings with one parent/child on a weekend. Also, we have them in Sunday school together and find that they like to know where the other one is, but enjoy doing seperate activities. We are not going to force the issue in school unless we find problems with the situation. We are just going to keep doing family and individual activities. We are not doing preK this year. We are waiting for Kindergarten.

Natalie - posted on 03/17/2010

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my twins started school last year,they are in the same class i feel they are too young to be forced apart. i will let my two stay together while ever they want to, they have their own friends so why not let them enjoy the special relationship they have as twins while they are still so little.

Trish - posted on 03/17/2010

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My 4 year old identical twin girls are in PreK this year. I kept them in the same class for PreK but for Kindergarten I am going to seperate them. They seem to have a little bit of sibling rivalry this year that I would like to avoid in the future. Although my girls are very dependant on each other too they are starting to develop seperate friends this year so I'm sure it will be ok next year. Good luck

Micki - posted on 03/17/2010

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Steph,
I have 28 year old boys, born 2 months premie. When It came time for school, the local school told me they would be separated, it didn't matter what the parents wanted. The boys were not ready to be separated, yet. I checked out our church pre-school, and had the boys developmentally tested. It was recommended they NOT be separated, yet. Instead of putting them in the Kindergarten that year, they went into a Pre-K class where they were together. The next year, when they went to Kinder, they were separated, and continued being in different classes all through school. They had many of the same friends, because the friends were put one year in one's class, the next year in the other's class. In high school, though they had different focuses, they were together, with 2 other guys, most of the time. They are still very close with those 2 young men, and call each other almost daily. One is on the east coast, the other is on the west coast.

Lisa - posted on 03/16/2010

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I am the mother of 11 year old twin girls. I had them together from pre K to Kindergarden. I wondered the same thing. I separated them for 1st and 2nd they were learning different things, I kind of liked it cause i would teach them what the other teacher was teaching so they were on the same level. I learned their weeknesses as well as their strengths. But they hated it. The teachers said they are fine together and even have different friends but with in the same group. One excells in math the other reading. They love being together and stick up for one another (age thing). This is the only time in their lives when it is ok to be together. They will grow up get married and never be able to have that time back. I hope they stay together till 12th! They are scared about going to middle school next year cause they want to be together. I am going to make that request but if their grade level requires something different I will not hold them back. They definately have different strengths. Good luck I think it is a personal decision that you and your sons have to make together. I see some of the other moms saying they are individuals. That is how they want them thought of and raised. That is very true, my girls are almost total opposites and have never wanted to dress or be alike. Their teachers all treat them as individuals and so do their friends. As they age they do not look as much like each other as they used to so I think it is getting easier. When they were little it would take a month or so till a teacher could tell. But personalities come thru and they have not problem saying who they are. It s just part of being a twin i guess.

Lourdes - posted on 03/16/2010

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I put my twin girls together for pre-k 3 because it was their first time in school. Know they are in pre-k 4 and I seperated them and everything is fine. They have the same friends still and play together in recess. As a teacher I would put them together at the beginning and then seperate them because I have seen some twins start competing with each other. Good luck

Teresa - posted on 03/16/2010

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the school were I live make you seperate them. My girl were just like your when they started school. We were so worried that they would cry for each other and want to stay together. But in preK they did really good. they had recess together and if they just ask they could went and seen each other. They are doing real well in school.

[deleted account]

My 11 yo boys were in reception ( 5-6 yo) together, bbut I felt they were too dependant on each other, so from Y1 they have been separated. They are still each others closest companion, but have separate interests and separate friends. I separated them as I wanted them to develop in their own ways, and both have always been happy with the situation. You just hve to go with what you feel is right!

- oh and agree that meeting 2 sets of playground Mum's is a real bonus!!
Enjoy! J xx

Tracy - posted on 03/16/2010

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If they are joined at the hip and rely on each other as you say, keep them together for PreK, but after that they really should be separated. They are humans, not just twins and need to develop their own characteristics, personalities without relying on or waiting for approval from their twin. As a parent you want them to develop and grow, this is how is really starts to take shape, by separating them. I had my twin girls together for day care. It was there I realized they should be separated and the teachers agreeed with me. So at kindergarten they were separated and continued that being separated in elementary school. The other positive is you get know that many more kids and parents at the school because you're involved with 2 classes not just one.

Steph - posted on 03/15/2010

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and another question?...We live about 8 miles from the school they will attend and they will have to get on a bus with their 2 older brothers who are 12 and 6 and I honestly dont feel comfortable putting them on a bus at 7am only being 4 years old. Has anyone else had to deal with this? Really thinking about switching schools. any advise?

Delma - posted on 03/15/2010

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hi steph :) it's ok to put them together. they'll have their own interests and eventually their own set of friends later in life. good luck to you...it's tough raising twins...but very rewarding.

Donna - posted on 03/15/2010

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my twin daughters are starting kindergarten in september and my husband and I have decided to keep our girls together.

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