Soooo Frustrated

Kara - posted on 04/11/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have twin girls that just turned 3. One of my daughters is so incredibly independent that pretty much anything we do, she insists on doing herself and if I do it, she will start screaming and crying uncontrollably until I let her do it ( taking shoes off, helping her down from the chair etc..) HELP! I get so frustrated and tell her that Mommy just needs to help with some things...she doesn't want to hear that.

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Glitzedjewel - posted on 04/15/2011

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One of ours is way more independent than her sister, and yeah, sometimes just letting her try works the best. A lot of times, she'll eventually come over and want help if it's something she really can not do. I get when you're in a rush and such, as we're always racing around in the mornings - I kind of build in a little time for her or get the other one ready in the meantime.

Penelope - posted on 04/15/2011

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I agree, just let her. There may be bumps and bruises and you may run late to some things, but it's not worth the argument. She needs to have some control over her life where it makes sense. Like Samone says, just make yourself available. She'll surprise you and ask for help when she needs it.

Samone - posted on 04/11/2011

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In situations like that try to come up with a comprise such as if you need her shoes on so that you can go tell her honey i'll do this shoe and you do the other and we can race to see who can do it fastest. Basically she just like any other adult, you both are gonna have to find ways to allow her to feel independent while you get what you need to get done. Like if your in a hurry give her a time limit say sweetie you got 5 minutes then we have to go, if its not done in that time then say sweetie we have to go let me help or take her to the car and let her finish it there. I mean if you don't find a way to compromise its only gonna get worse. Please don't take this the wrong way. You know she is gonna want to do things herself so try giving yourself a little extra time for her and don't wait to the last minute. Don't take over the task she's doing simply help out and let her do part of it. Like for instance my daughter wants to fix her own plate so I simply hold her up to get the plates then hold her hand while we spooned the food into her plate and then let her carry it to the table, let her put it down, gave her my hand so she could brace herself to climb up the chair. It didn't seem like much to me but it meant the world to her.

Kara - posted on 04/11/2011

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Oh I do let her do things herself and encourage independence and always tell her shes a big girl. There are certain situations, if we are in a hurry or if she just cant, etc. Where I need to do things. It just gets way worse when she is tired

Samone - posted on 04/11/2011

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Let her do it herself. If she needs help simply tell her sweetie if you need me just call. Its ok for her to want to be independent and you should allow her to do these things herself unless there is a chance it will result in injury. Plus I noticed when my daughter was that age when I would step back and pretend to not notice her and let her do it when she needed my help she would ask and then I would step away giving her space and it worked really well. I think she just needs to feel like she's a big girl and if you help her feel that way she will start to reconize what she can and cant do alone and will ask for help when she needs it.

Samone - posted on 04/11/2011

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Let her do it herself. If she needs help simply tell her sweetie if you need me just call. Its ok for her to want to be indepent and you should allow her to do these things herself unless there is a chance it will result in injury. Plus I noticed when my daughter was that age when I would step back and pretend to not notice her and let her do it when she needed my help she would ask and then I would step away giving her space and it worked really well. I think she just needs to feel like she's a big girl and if you help her feel that way she will start to reconize what she can and cant do alone and will ask for help when she needs it.

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