Twin disagreements And the word NO

Amber - posted on 02/13/2012 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My boys don't agree on anything. I don't know what to do on some things. Ex: nap/night time I ask if they want door shut one says no the other yes. Ask if they wanly to go bye bye with me. If they both say no then I don't go. But most of the time one says yes other no . there is no compramising with them how it usually gets resolved is the twin that got his way will give into what the other one wants.



Alos I have a twin who will tell me no all the time even if it's not a question and if I put him in time out he won't stay. I tell him it's not an option but most of the time it is when we are at the store. They even run from me out the door into parking lot I yell come back and all they do / say is no and run in different direction then I have to chance them. I hate taking them with me out in public but have no choice. It's embaricing.

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Well, I'm glad to know I am not alone!! lol, you have to laugh, or we may go nuts.... :) The parking lot thing is very scary... My twins are 28 months old. One day they are good as gold and the next holy terrors.... The oldest twin (by 1 min.), Joel, is cool, calm and collective 90% of the time. Jacob, the younger twin, is my wild man. He is more demanding, more social and definately more defiant. Joel plays independantly more often and is more observant; at least until recently. He is starting to show some attitude too... They fight like cats and dogs. Joel started out with the whole bitting thing and now that he has stopped, Jacob has picked it up and taken it to a whole other level. Joey is brused up all over his arms from his brother bitting him. They are doing it as a defense tactic. It really worries me because Jake almost broke Joey's skin yesterday... They also can be difficult when we go shopping. Standing in the cart, like you mentioned, screaming, hitting each other and throwing a fit for me to tear open a box of brownies on the junk food isle.... I guess it is best to make sure that they have ate and napped before leaving the house... They can make it in the store without becoming disgruntal for about 45 minutes, so I fly through there as fast as I can... lol Then there is always some jerks that looks at you as if to say, "what the heck is wrong with those kids!" That is when I have to start giving people the evil eye, then they quickly look the other way. I mean they are kids for goodness sakes!!!! I feel like a prison warden most days, but they have to learn how to behave.... But I know that, by the Grace of God, this too shall pass and eventually they will get over the terrible 2s and the world will be at peace!!! :)

Ozen - posted on 02/27/2012

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Hello, I have twin girls 4 yrs old now. My solution is I always talk to tem before we do anything or go somewhere. I tell them we are going to a doctor and what doctor will do to them like vaccination. So they know what to expect and I kind of involve them. I use reward option and tell them if they behave well in the doctors office I will buy their favorite magazine or take them to a shopping mall. I motivate them. We together prepare what to wear when we are going out, they like it and dressing up gets easier. In short, a lot of talking, involving them to the event and attracting their attention to different things make our life easier. I always allow them to carry their favorite toys and we prepare our bag together before going out. They know that whereever we go, it is going to be a fun. I never asked them if they would like to go to a market, I just tell and explain the things that can enjoy in the market. They learned to discover new things and enjoy themselves when we are out. When we are back home, I always talk about our day, kind of pros and cons.

Cherie - posted on 02/26/2012

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My girls sound exactly like your boys, they are just about to turn 4 and up till this year things were pretty cruisy, but they are giving me absolute curry this year, Mine swap who is being the no sayer. but they are almost like a tag team with one being naughty and the other nice and then will switch. It is very depressing, I can totally relate to how you are feeling. All I can say is keep reminding yourself, this is temporary, keep consistent and strong if you can take time for yourself, or get someone to look after them while you shop, just so you get a little you time I find it helps lots. Also, let them know the consequences of their behaviour, I know it sounds dreadful, but when mine run off I freak and tell them they will get squished by a car. I know some will say I am making them fearful but when you have two and only one of you, there needs to be a little fear to stop horrific accidents happening. Just wanted to let you know you are not the only mum who's twins are running amok. Hopefully yours & mine will grow out of this phase and be wonderful kids soon lol

Lykke - posted on 02/26/2012

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I agree with all the post's, I too refuse to have my kids act out of control, mine are 5 now and it has its learning curves for kids AND parents:) when they were around 1.5 they ran in opposite directions at the playground a few times, so I simply got them in the stroller and we left that was enough of a dissapoinment for them to leave that sudden that and I did/still do set very clear limits and follow through we all have bad days, after a day like that I cannot wait to run after they go to bed that's my calm that and I go look at them when they sleep and that always helps LOL!

Margi - posted on 02/26/2012

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Everything previous posters said plus you need to tell them (simple & briefly) your plans BEFORE each event. I.E. now we are going to the store, I need you to hold my hand in the parking lot or you will be carried, in the store I need you to sit still (or whatever) or we will leave... this gives them a clear understanding of the behavior you expect from them. Then give them ample warning before you change activities... 'we are leaving in 10 minutes', then a 5 minute warning too. As for getting them to behave sometimes you need to ignore the bad behavior and sometimes you need to threaten the bad behavior. For example 'if you throw your toy again, I will take it away', etc. Just give them 1 warning then ALWAYS follow through with your threat, so make it something you are willing to follow through with. On top of all that you have to give them TONS of positive reinforcement. Point out all the good behavior throughout the day. My twins are almost 3 and we have been through some very challenging stages with them so far, sure it will only get more challenging! Good luck.

Nicole - posted on 02/17/2012

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I have twin girls who will be 2 in April. I don't give them choices, i don't feel that they need them at this point. as for behavior modifications, they dont work on all kids. i do use a harness when i take them to the play ground by myself, if i am a store i use a shopping cart and some stores even have twin ones. i use time out and i do smack their diapered bottoms if i need to. as for out of control behavior at stores, i will tell them in a very unkind voice and with a look that they need to stop. they do stop and get over it. i refuse to have children who think they rule the house. i never give them what they want when they throw a fit. i am not saying that my kind of discipline will work for u, but it does for me. also use short sentences like "walking feet", "not nice" " come here" once u get into long winded explanations u will lose the child attention.

Amber - posted on 02/15/2012

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I have also tried the harness that was a big embaricing fail at first they liked it till they ran and hurt chest then they wanted nothing to do with them. I told them it won't hurt if they don't run and since then they rebelled them. When I pu them on they they just stand and won't come with me or lie on the floor or parking lot

I'm grateful that you girls Are trying to help but I gave tried everything you are suggesting. As for controle they do have some. Underpants in night stand, they each pick a bedtime book, they choose the shoes, snack, drink and if we are out and about during a meal time I let them choose where to eat

Kim - posted on 02/15/2012

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I used toddler harnesses temporarily to teach my boys to stay close. You are right about the control. Toddlers fight for independence and do want control, good advice!

Jeorge - posted on 02/15/2012

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Love and logic

They are screaming out for control. Give them control over something you don't care about. I have a drawer for my boys shirts and they can wear any shirt in that drawer. So when I say go pick out clothes for tomorrow they go and pick. It gives them control and as long as they have a shirt on I'm happy.

You need to love them enough to say no and give them clear boundaries. It is so hard when it's two against one I understand.

I have learned to cherish the moment when we are walking out the door 15 minutes late and some how a child who was fully clothed 2 seconds ago is only wearing socks and shoes. Love them and get a break now and then to keep your sanity.

I suggest for going out, leashes. It seems cruel but it works. My boys liked theirs I got the monkey and a dog and I would put them on backwards so they couldn't undo them.

Kim - posted on 02/15/2012

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I can't even imagine, my boys just turned 2. And for the most part rarely give me a hard time. We go out all the time. I think I got lucky. I wish there was some kind of advice I could give you, sorry.

Amber - posted on 02/15/2012

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Unforcanatly they won't stay in the stroller they know how to undo the straps and then they constantly get in and out my. cousin also suggested a stroller and I told her what they do. " my kids wouldent be doing that I'd smack their hands " well that don't work. same with shopping carts they tell me they want down I tell them no so they stand and that's extremely dangerous. I can't just leave the store when there are groceries to be gotten. Also I tell them no out in public a they will drop to the floor an scream I try to walk away from it but then they scream louder and yelling they are hurt need help and want my hand and will not get up till they have my hand then they want me to hold them or their hand while pushing the cart. Your suppose to enjoy our kids but every thing we do is a struggle and I dread doing anything with them EVERYTHING we do turn into an out of control fiasco.

Kim - posted on 02/14/2012

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Ugh I'm sorry! That sounds stressful! One of my boys throws tantrums when he had to leave when he's not ready. He had hit me too. I struggle to get him in his car seat, but I just hold him there and don't say anything till he calms down a bit. Then, I don't start talking to him till he's done screaming. I can't imagine dealing with what you are going through! Are they too big for a stroller?

Amber - posted on 02/14/2012

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We went to the eye dr today. They ran that place like mad men. They tried going down the hall and behind reception desk. We were done and had to pick out glasses for them and when they found out we weren't leaving with any it caused a big scene screaming, crying, smacking at me when

Putting on their coats a kind lady tried to give one a sticker and they even smacked at her. If I have to go out and they don't want to it is hell I'm dressing unwilling limp kids and by the time I get no 2 done no 1 is undresses and it continues. The only time I give them a choice is if there is one. I'm at my wits end as soon as I got in the car today I just broke down. I don't know where I went wrong? They have no respect for me or there things. I try soo hard to have fun with them bu everything turns into a fight. Even routine things like naps and bedtime and meals. I am consistent I don't say yes one day then no the rules never change.

Kim - posted on 02/13/2012

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Ive always read, don't give a choice if there is no choice to be made. Example, if you need to go to the store and you say " do you want to go", that leaves the option for them to say no. But if you need to go and you say. "Let's go to the store", you aren't giving them the option to say yes or no. It's ok to give choices, but I still believe sometimes parents need to make sure kids know that sometimes there is no choice.



If you are in public and they act up, leave and ignore the behavior. I'm assuming they are old enough that they've learned how to get a rise out of you. Sometimes ignoring the negative behavior is the only way of getting rid of it. Behavior modification is all about ignoring the negatives and praising the positives and setting boundaries.

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