twin fights

Geleen - posted on 03/24/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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how do i deal with my 2 year fraternal twins who always fight?

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Courtney - posted on 03/25/2011

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Check out positive parenting solutions. It has really helped me. My girls are 3 and fought constantly! Actually they still fight a lot, but it's much better. Everyone always told me that they needed time apart and I needed to give them one on one. But, how in the heck am I supposed to do that? It's just not going to happen with my life right now. Anyway Positive Parenting Solutions helped me figure out how to do it. I can't give all the details here, but 10 min for each kid one on one, twice a day. One kid watches tv or plays alone while you give your total attention to the other for 10 min. It's amazing how much better they are. And I was AMAZED at how the twin that wasn't getting the attention handled it. I thought there would be giant fits for that too and although they aren't happy about it, some crying, running off to their room but for the most part they just deal with it since they know they want THEIR 10 min too. The fights are greatly reduced due to this. And if the kid you aren't paying attention to won't leave you alone you tell them that their time will be reduced next time. It works! OH and the 10 min have to be what the KID wants to do. They get to decide. It's actually pretty fun playing with them that way. :)

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Aleesha - posted on 04/07/2011

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Hi, Just letting you know you are not alone. My twin boys started fighting at 7 months so they had to be moved to separate cots. They have had a love hate relationship ever since, but if either one is threatened by someone else they back each other up. Which is great. They are now almost 5 and now play more than fight... but they still get into on occation. When they start fighting I let them go so they can sort it out themselves. The only addvice I can give you is to patient and hope they snap out of it when they grow up a bit. I know its stressfull. Even seperating them didnt work because they wanted to be where the other brother was. Chin up. They cant fight forever..... :)

Jennifer - posted on 04/07/2011

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At 2 years old, you can try using time-outs, though I find that doesn't work with my boys. When they fight, I let them...until it comes to the point where one of them may get hurt, and then I separate them.

Cindy - posted on 04/04/2011

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Aimie....I agree whole-heartedly with the one-on-one time. I know it is hard to do sometimes but kids need to feel like the center of attention sometimes. They even have to share their birthdays. I try to do something seperate with mine every other month, we rotate and as long as it is within reason, they get to choose what we do. When they first started school, they attended a charter school and they only had one class per grade. In second grade, we moved to a new school during the Christmas break. They have been in seperate classes since. Both of them have thrived in areas they didn't before because they depended on each other to do things for them. This was especially difficult with social skills. My daughter is very outgoing but my son is rather shy.

Aimie - posted on 04/03/2011

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My twin boys are 9 and still fight. Unfortunately i think it just comes with the twin territory, They are with each other 24/7 or near enough, they are bound to get fed up of having a shadow. I put my boys in separate classes at school so they could be more individual but they still fight and argue at home. Try and make sure you give then one on one time with you, that might help them feel better. :)

Cindy - posted on 03/28/2011

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If they are fighting over a toy, take the toy away from both and put it in a place neither can reach it. This helps them develop problem solving skills (Not that I mean they are going to be able to problem solve at two years old but it is creating a foundation). If they are just fighting amoung themselves with no apparent reason, seperate them. Time out is not an effective way to discipline but you may need to have them to sit down for a couple of minutes in order to seperate them. You can put them in seperate rooms but that isn't likely to be a feasible option in most people's homes. Talk to them, one at a time, about why they are fighting. Use short simple sentences and try to respond with statements like "Does it hurt when (Joe) hits you in the head?". He is going to say yes and respond with "It hurts him when you hit him in the head too". I have boy/girl twins. They fought quite a bit between the two to five years of age. They are 10 now and fights are very rare (knock on wood). Good Luck!

Cindy - posted on 03/28/2011

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If they are fighting over a toy, take the toy away from both and put it in a place neither can reach it. This helps them develop problem solving skills (Not that I mean they are going to be able to problem solve at two years old but it is creating a foundation). If they are just fighting amoung themselves with no apparent reason, seperate them. Time out is not an effective way to discipline but you may need to have them to sit down for a couple of minutes in order to seperate them. You can put them in seperate rooms but that isn't likely to be a feasible option in most people's homes. Talk to them, one at a time, about why they are fighting. Use short simple sentences and try to respond with statements like "Does it hurt when (Joe) hits you in the head?". He is going to say yes and respond with "It hurts him when you hit him in the head too". I have boy/girl twins. They fought quite a bit between the two to five years of age. They are 10 now and fights are very rare (knock on wood). Good Luck!

Anita - posted on 03/26/2011

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with my 2 year old boy and girl I nearly checked myself into a mental institution over the constant fighting until I decided enough was enough. they are old enough to be disciplined so each time one whinged or carried on or started picking on the other one I just put that one in his or her room (not for a minute either, I only got them out when they stopped crying). They soon learned and now they just love each other so much, they always look out for each other now. They still bicker every now and the but not like before when there was a fight every 5 minutes. Every child is different and reacts differently to certain discipline but this method worked with our children. I would rather be strict and hard on them at this age over the fighting then have them bullying someone elses child. The first 5 years are so important and is the foundation to how they are when they get older I believe. Good luck with everything.

Torrey - posted on 03/25/2011

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Time-Out. But make sure it is a time-out... no tv on in the same room, no talking, no moving, standing up, looking straight ahead for 2 minutes.

Candi - posted on 03/25/2011

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Tell them they can't play together if they don't fight, and then separate them everytime they fight. They'll get lonely for one another. Another thing to remember is that fighting isn't always bad. A little bit of fighting is good for twins because they're working on differentiating themselves and being their own person. Also, try giving them some things that they might want to work together on, like a kids game (Hungry Hungry Hippos would be OK for that small of an age, although you'd have to watch to make sure that balls didn't go into mouths) or making cookies with you. If they each get a turn doing something, they learn to take turns and respect each other's turn. We worked really hard on the turn taking, and it worked. We started with small things, like who gets to choose a book first or who gets to choose a toy first. Then we went to making things with mommy and who gets to put what into the bowl. They're really good at working together now.

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Separate, telling them it's not nice to "play" like that redirect their attention to another activity stressing that this is how they play "Nice". It's how I managed my older two when they very young and were fighting and how I deal with the twins (23 months) now. Although it seems our boy is more likely to play rough than his sister.

Marie - posted on 03/25/2011

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my boys are also 2 and fight all the time. they will tackle, take down. and then start biting, pinching, kicking, and if they get up the fight continues into a fist fight. seriously, it's scary! they mostly laugh while they're doing it, but i wouldn't call it playing.. when they start i get them a drink and snack and sit them down with a movie.. :/

Deborah - posted on 03/25/2011

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i'am facing the same problem with my 22 mth old twins. Can someone please help!

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