Twin personalities...

Marta - posted on 12/31/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My older twin is starting to have a more aggresive type personality towards her sister and I was wondering if anyone else's twins have had this passive/aggresive type personalities. I just assumed they would always just get along and be best buddies. The older twin likes to take toys away from her sister, kind of flick at her hand if she is touching something she is touching. I am just kind of shocked that an almost 10 month old would be that way, but I have never been around babies at this age that are together all the time.

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Cat - posted on 01/15/2011

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My younger twin has always been more aggressive, I think she learns it from their very active older brother.. but the older twin, she is getting a lot better at holding her own PLUS I finally got the younger twin to stop biting, she used to bite her sister all the time when she didnt get her way, it totally sucked!!

Amanda - posted on 01/14/2011

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You aren't alone on this. My twin girls just turned 2 yrs old and one is def more aggressive than the other. She is the one who would bite her sister, take toys away, hit, and pull hair. Its stressful to get through the biting stage, hitting stage and pulling hair. My other daughter wouldn't bite back, but she would hit occasionally. They take each others toys (which they only want when the other one has it - very common with toddlers). I was finally able to teach them to share - which works most of the time, but I do have to remind them to share with the other. Just keep on reinforcing that its not nice to do whats shes doing to her sister, and as frustrating as it gets, its usually just a stage and she will move on to some other stage. It does get better!! My girls are buddies more so now than before, but they have their moments. Good luck!!

Laura - posted on 01/13/2011

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i have identical girl twins that are 17 months old and as everyone else has said, the older is the most aggressive at times. The younger twin is sweet and passive and so laid back but then in an instant they swap roles. The older twin isn't walking yet and gets frustrated quickly so she charges for her sister alot. The younger twin has learned things alot quicker than her sister and has been walking since she was 13 months old. I'm not sure how things are gonna turn out between these two but it sure is fun watching them grow up and become independent. Best of luck to everyone.

Shereen - posted on 01/11/2011

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My b/g twins change roles constantly. they always fight and i feel like i am a policeman all the time. It took me about 10minutes to read this conversation bcs i had to keep stopping to sort out the twin's problems. I think its part of the process of growing up. they dont like it when they cant get everything they want and the whole sharing concpet is alien to them. i am hoping it will get easier as they grow up. my kids have friends who are only children and its much worse with them bcsthey have no idea how to play with other kids. so when i see those kids i realise that my kids are not so bad!

Heather - posted on 01/09/2011

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Our fraternal twin girls use to do that. But as they have gotten older it has even out. We still have a few arguments and toy stealing here and there, but for the most part they get along great and it is no longer one picking on the other.

But just for the record, our 'baby A' (who was born one minute before her sister via C-section) has been the more aggressive one when they were small, even before they were born she was picking on her sister. During our ultrasound she lined up a kick to her sisters head, and it just continued that she was the one that would steal toys and such until they were around 2. Then it evened out.

Amanda - posted on 01/09/2011

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My twins b/g tend to want to fight a lot too. My girl, who is younger, is more aggresive but he can hold his own. As i was reading this i saw that a lot of us are going through the fighting stage, yes i take the toy away too, time outs and firm talking. I find that when it gets really bad if i separate them and dont let them play together they miss each other and tend to be nicer for longer, and the aggresiveness is not so bad for awhile.

Stephanie - posted on 01/08/2011

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I have twin boys who will be 17 months old. They both fight all the time, they both take toys away from each other and to be honest, Marta; it is normal with any child not just twins. Twins you will notice that one is more passive then the other. In singletons you call it the first born syndrome. The older of the twins is dominant the second born is more passive. I have found with mine that my older twin is more aggressive physically and the second born is the one that does things more on the sly and is more vocal about things. When the older twin takes one of his toys he screams at him and takes it back, when the second born of the twins takes a toy from the older one the older one pushes, hits or pinches the younger twin and takes the toy back. It is perfectly normal, it is how you deal with the actions that makes the difference. I find that if you praise the good behavior and let them know when they do wrong it will stop in time.

Janine - posted on 01/07/2011

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Hello I have 3 and half yr girl twins and the older one is definately more aggresive with her sister, she can be such hard work sometimes, the more passive twin is so girly and is getting picked on alot, she does get her own back sometimes but she is more cunning with it. I just use lots of time out in their room

Sheila - posted on 01/07/2011

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My twins trade personalities about every 4-6 weeks. One is an angel, the other one a little terror, then they trade...

Suzanne - posted on 01/07/2011

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My older twin does the same as yours, if a toy she wants is taken by her sister, she hits, pushes and scratches to get it back. She is terrible. Sometimes the younger one gets fed up and hits back but badly, for example biting her on the cheek.

I don't allow this and try and make them play with each other without that happening. However as they are wanting to do their own thing it is happpening more and more. They also love each other so much that they cuddle, kiss, hold hands, get things for each other also. So I think it is just a sister thing that everyone goes through.

CHERYL - posted on 01/03/2011

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hi my son (twin a) is defo more controlling and aggresive 2ward his sister.he hits tacks everything off her.and im noticeing she is alittle passive.but he is more loving too.kissing and cuddling.its nice when i hear them giggling and playing.they are 18ms.im sure its just like all bro/sis relationships.

Liz - posted on 01/01/2011

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my older 2 yr old twin is also the aggresive one. though very occasionally the younger will take over for a bit. they have chalk and cheese personalities, and are constantly fighting (sigh) but at the end of the day one or the other will creep into the others bed and they fall asleep holding hands! i figure they are trying to figure out where they stand in the hyrachy of the hosehold and seeing how much they can get away with.

Michelle - posted on 12/31/2010

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Same with me the younger one is the dominate one. The older twin has ADD so younger one gets frustrated sometimes but these school holiday I'm glad they haven't fought much so fighting must go away with age.

Jess - posted on 12/31/2010

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I have a similar with my 21/2 yr olds but its the younger twin who is the more aggressive, She is very possessive i thought the same thing so i often use time outs and keep doing that and take away the toy which is being fought over

Michelle - posted on 12/31/2010

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Yes twins generally swap the dominate role all the time I think it's their way of finding out what they can get away with. I don't allow fighting in my house. If mine fought over a toy I took it untill they agreed to play with it together and I enforced the importance of getting along now my children play very well together they are 9 so it'll probably take that long but be consistent. It certainly is a balancing act to make sure each twin gets the chance to be dominate but it's important so both can shine.

Liz - posted on 12/31/2010

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My b/g twins( now two and a half) have always gone back and forth between the personalities you are talking about.

Tara - posted on 12/31/2010

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My twins have kind of gone back and forth. For most of the first year, my Baby B was the more aggressive baby. I called her my wild woman while I was pregnant. Every ultrasound showed her kicking her sister down into the corner of my uterus while she stretched out! She was the same after they were born. She took her sister's toys, took her paccy, and was all around kind of the bully, but after they started walking Baby A found her own. She started fighting back. Now they go around all day stealing each other's toys, paccy's, sippy cups, etc. It is just normal. My girls may fight, but they love each other so much. They always want to be together. If one goes into another room, the other follows. If one twin gets hurt and cries, the other twin joins in until someone makes it all better. Your twins sound like they are just normal little angels! I am sure they will work it out!

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