Twins & Birthday Parties!

Christine - posted on 02/09/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

63

12

5

My twin boys are 3 years old and are in their first year of pre-school. They are in seperate classrooms. One of my boys was invited to a birthday party for another child in his class so my other son was not invited to the party. Has this happened to you? What did you do? I was thinking in the future, maybe asking the parents if I can bring his twin brother to the party... but I don't want to be rude either.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Heather - posted on 02/09/2011

4,634

42

1135

That's part of having separate friends. If they were different ages then there wouldn't be a problem with only one child being invited. I don't want to sound rude, but I would either send only the invited child, or skip the party all together. Of course at 3 it might be a party where the whole family is welcome. (I don't think I would just randomly drop my 3 year old daughters off at someone elses house that isn't a really good friend for a birthday party) If you plan on staying (or are expected to stay) then I would defiantly let them know you would need to bring his sibling (as you would even if they weren't twins, I have had to do this with my children when I was expected to stay at a party with my then 6 year old son. I couldn't just leave his younger brother and 4 month old twin sisters at home!)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

9 Comments

View replies by

Jillian - posted on 10/05/2012

1

0

0

Ana, I've run into this problem a lot and always do what you're intending to do. Most of the time parents have been happy to include the other twin. Once I had to offer to pay for my second child to attend. Being asked to pay was a bit strange considering the mother asking me to do this had dropped off 2 children (not twins) to my children's party when only one of hers was invited. Good luck!

Ana - posted on 09/16/2012

1

0

0

Yes, the party is the next month and my twins are 5-1/2 years now and one of my boys was invited to a birthday party for another child in his class and my other son was not invited because they are in separate classrooms. I will send a text message asking if my other boy can attend the party.

Rebecca - posted on 02/18/2011

13

26

0

hi nete, i soo agree with you that the bond between twins should be celebrated!! not seperated. My boys spend nearly every minute together when they are at home from school, they shared a cot together when little, played together, crawled together shared all their milestones together. We feel so blessed that we hadl twins and were able to see all these special shared times!!! My little girl hasnt got a twin sister and soo wished she had one too so we do celebrate my twin boys beautiful bond, but even though they do have a special bond they also love their independence and one on one time occasionally with either their mum or dad. Our school actually were all for my boys staying together and gave me numerous phone calls checking to see if i still wanted them seperated at school - so it was my decision to do this. But all twins are different and if my boys could not or did not want to seperate at school i most definitely would of kept them together - their school has supportive in their seperation. I suppose the same goes with birthday parties. My boys want their seperated times so of course i encourage this, if my could not seperate i would of kept them together in school and so they would prob be invited to the same parties. Other then school, birthday parties are the only time they are seperated as they do soccer and swimming together. so it does depend on the children and the bond they share and some twins would work better and achieve more being with their twin whilst others like mine, would be affected in their learning and i believe mine would compete too much :)

Nete - posted on 02/17/2011

130

12

7

The bond between twins should be celebrated!!! not separated!!........
Most of us go thru life looking high and low for that one special person to bond with as a union... twins are bless by having that great source of bond and security from birth... that can be a huge benefit of confidence to strengthen all their abilities and talents, alone and as a team!
yet schools etc. go to great extend to break up natures gift ... I don't get it ....
I think its rude not inviting both your twins and I would not have attended, unless both twins was welcome..
but then again I would never allow my twins to be in separate classes

Rebecca - posted on 02/17/2011

13

26

0

my twin boys are now 6 1/2 and are in separate classes at school. Yes the birthday party thing is a huge dilemma. We chose to put them in2 separate classes so they would make their own friends and part of that we knew would also go to their own parties. when younger yes they didnt understand why they wernt sometimes invited and i think they found it hard to seperate cause of the 'twin bond' but now at six they are use to it. I am fortunate that my husband can take the other one and their little sis out somewhere else whilst i go to the party with the invited one. this could be hard if u dont have care to get other one minded. They have each now been to many things on their own and are so used to being seperated. It is worth it in the long run if u can keep encouraging seperated times for their individuality and their own special self image and identity to develop. I have the problem where some parents will tell their child if they invite one of my boys they have to invite the other because 'they are twin' even if they do not no the other. I tell these parents that id prefer just the one that knows their child to be invited. Hope things get easier for you :)

Andrea - posted on 02/11/2011

151

12

6

If they are in separate classes then parents would invite the classmate even if there is another twin in another class. The kids may not even know each other. I would take the one invited and keep the other at home. Enjoy the rare one on one time. It is only for a few hours and they are so young they wouldn't know the difference. Your twins would probably have a great time together but the party is for the party boy/girl and they need to focus on that not on each other.

if you are invited to stay then you can take your other son and keep him with you as you don't have a baby sitter. You would be responsible to entertain the one who does not have friends. I personally wouldn't leave my kids at a party without my supervision, they are too small and the party parents are not baby sitters. It can get really tough to watch all the kids - I know, we invited the whole class and parents but none of the parents wanted to stay to our surprise. They didn't even know us. Well, we stay and we find something to assist. I think everyone appreciates help now and then even when they don't ask for it. Anyway, that's another issue. I don't think you should ask to take the other kid just because they are twins. If you are not comfortable with sending just one of them you can always excuse yourself and not go. When you have your boys' party you can invite kids from both classes and parents will clue in if they don't know you have 2 who celebrate birthday on the same day. Just make sure you invitation is sent out in the name of one twin for the classmates they know, do not send invitations for a+b on the same card because it will confuse the parents (should they buy presents for both or the one they know, KWIM?)



Oh sorry I just saw your other post that you already went. I think you did the right thing. It was good to stay and daddy could have one on one time with the other. He may not have felt good but the table will turn when he is invited and the other isn't. it will balance out eventually and they will get used to it. They have done everything together and maybe they are too young to start doing things individually because they still feel more comfortable as a unit, it will work out eventually and they will learn the nuances of being separate individuals.

Mandy - posted on 02/09/2011

8

34

0

my twins are not old enough to ran into that problem yet but i would let the one thats invited go to the party and spend some one on one time with the other twin do something that twin wants to do and let him know that sometime he will be invited to something that his brother wont be invited to and he will go to that party and you will do something with the other brother. i thnk its good to have different friends and there will be times when they are both invited im sure. good luck

Christine - posted on 02/09/2011

63

12

5

Thank you. I know it's a part of growing up & having siblings. I just felt so bad for my son that was left out, at 3yrs. they don't understand. We actually went to the party, just me & my son that was invited & I stayed the whole time. My other son that was not invited went out for a special lunch with daddy. His feelings were hurt so I was just wondering what other parents of twins do. It makes sense that siblings that are not twins would go through the same thing too.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms