When should twins be separated in school?

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My twin girls just started preschool this year and are in the same class and doing great. I'm having anxiety about separating them further on in their education. I've heard that twins should be separated at least by the 1st grade so that they can better develop their characters and make their own friends and not be compared to each other by their teachers, etc. Any takers?

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Kelly - posted on 12/06/2011

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I also agree with Rebecca. As long as one is not dependent on the other I see no reason to separate. My b/g twins are in the same Kindergarten class and have no problems at all. In fact, I get comments from some of the women that volunteer that they had no idea they were twins because they never even talk to one another. It is nice for me because they always have the same homework and schedule. I plan on keeping them in the same class until they tell me different.

Kellie - posted on 11/12/2011

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Hi, l am a mother if twin g/b twins almost 3 years. l am also a twin. l have a twins sister. We were keeped together all primary school, but ln high school l was keeped down in year 7. This was the best thing that could have happerned. In my case my twin would answer for me. l hated doing anything on my own. She was the pushy twin. So when l was keeped down l did not have her to stand behind. With my twins l am going to let them be in preschool together and them separate them the following year. Just because of want l went through growing up. Hope this helps. Good luck :-)

Samira - posted on 05/26/2013

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twins should be separated when you find they are not responding well to being together. Otherwise, they should stay together, God created them together so why are we so quick to be told separate. Do what feels best for you and your twins. No school system should be allowed to say you must unless they have good reason because every situation is different so it should be taken as such. hope this helps. I'm a twin and I also had twins (girl/boy). they are 5yrs old and in KG together. They did great according to me and teacher so I have decided to still keep them together for grade 1. (the principal accepted my decision). At the beginning of each school year I sit down with there teacher and tell her to treat them individually and not as siblings and to also not compare them, They put them in separate groups with other kids most of the time and this really helps. so although they are in the same class they are separated within the classroom. I find that really helps. They still feel secure but can be independent. Hope this helps

Louisa - posted on 06/02/2013

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I asked for my twin girls to be separated right from day one, I know it sounds horrible but I believe they work better on their own. anyway their school decided that Willow the younger one was clever and needed to go into a higher class while Jazzy stayed in normal classes

[deleted account]

As I'm sure you already know, your twins already have their own personalities and own characters. Separating them has zero effect on those features and it's totally ridiculous for anyone to suggest otherwise. I would say the best thing you can do for your children is to keep them together until they make the decision that they no longer want to be together. The only exception would be if you have one twin who is dominating the other, but it doesn't sound like that is the case.

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Sheri - posted on 06/10/2017

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Let them make that decision. I did with my girls and it was easier on them. Now they are 20 and best of friends. Just don't rush it they are their own support system.

Robyn - posted on 08/21/2013

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My twins have been in the same classes all the way to middle school. It's been a great thing for them. That said they "function independently in the classroom" so teachers haven't given them trouble and they just enjoy the other's company. It also makes my life MUCH easier with them getting the same homework etc. .... I know a fair number of twin sets and none in which there is any trouble amongst the twins in telling themselves apart, mine came with their own personalities as did all the others I've met. They make their own friends, and then make friends with new people they wouldn't otherwise like because their twin likes them. They explore things they wouldn't have on their own because my sister wants to do it. I think keeping them together actually gives them more experiences to help them develop their characters and grow into self-realized people. If they fight allot and want the space, sure separate them, if they cling to each other too much and fail to interact with others again maybe you should separate them, but in most cases it's not necessary they'll grow up just fine and happier for a best friend like most of us dream of.
One mother of twins who is a friend of mine who separated her identical twins did so because the other kids in their preschool class didn't bother to learn their separate names because the teacher never encouraged the kids to recognize that her girls were separate people. I supported her in demanding separate classes for her girls in that case but really it was the fault was the teacher who didn't put any effort to recognize she had two students. Unless there is a specific reason you feel they should be separated, go with your gut. Let them be happy.

- robyn

Mindy - posted on 01/11/2012

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Hi! My twins were in pre-school together for 2 years, and 4K together. We decided on seperating them for Kindergarten. My twin boys even wanted to be seperated! :) They both are doing great and have there own friends! The nice thing is they get to see each other at recess and lunch! One of my twins speaks for the other one so teachers advised us to split them up to get there own identity, friendships, speak for themselves, etc...Good Luck!

[deleted account]

well, my 5 year old twin girls are in kindergarten right now...before then started school I requested that they be put in the same class but they wouldn't allow it and told me that because they are siblings they would not put them in the same class. But now that they are separated it actually did them some good because I think my girls would compete against each other if they were in same class. They are doing really good in school and say bye to each other before class and they know they will be re-united after school!

Peggy - posted on 01/09/2012

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My girl twins were in the same classroom up until they got to the middle school, which is 6th grade. Our school has two teams for each grade in the middle school. They were both on the same team so that they had the same homework but they didn't have their classes at the same time. Teachers were surprised when they found out that they were twins. It took some of the teachers weeks to even realize that they were twins. My girls did great in elementary school. Most of the time they played with other kids. They really couldn't be bothered with each other. They do have the same friends but they interact with them at different times of the day. I think keeping them together in elementary school was great but separating them in the middle school was great also. They get along most of the time. There is fighting but no worse than their older brother and sister did!! You need to do what you feel is right for your twins. You know them better than anyone else!!

Michelle - posted on 12/22/2011

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If your Twins are doing fine then don't separate them the only reason to separate is if one twin is be dominate in class. I did some googling on the net and separating Twins and sometimes separating Twins can feel like the same lost of a partner. I made the decision to keep my boys together. Schools and older people will try to tell you to separate twins but it's your decision not anyone else to make.

Christina - posted on 12/08/2011

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I had my girls seperated since Kindergarten. They do very well in seperate classes. One of the twins has always been very dependent on the other, but ever since they were in different classes she has really blossomed into her own sweet self. I think her being not in the same class has also really helped her confidence.They are in 3rd grade now and are happy in school. Sometimes they will play with eachother at recess and lunch but not always. After school they always have alot to talk about, like what happened in class and how their teachers are. I ask them if they want to be in the same class but they always say no. They seem to be very happy and are adjusting very well in school. They even help eachother with their homework. Sometimes teachers will have different lil tricks to remember math or spelling rules and they share these things with eachother. I think its great that they help eachother like that. Bottom line is that my girls were ready to be seperated. They are very close but also very independent of eachother. You know your kids best and if you think they will be okay seperate then I say go for it. I think you should ask your children if they want to be in seperate classes. best of luck to you!

[deleted account]

We started our twins in nursery school when they were 2, almost 3 (Dec bday). The school put them in the same class. I felt ok w/that b/c it was their 1st year in school. When they were 3 (last school year), we had moved to a new state and they separated them. I was nervous since not only was it a new school, but a new state too. They actually did great! It couldn't have worked out better. I've talked w/a few parents this year who we also knew from last year and they didn't even realize they were twins! I'm really happy about that b/c I don't want them to be "the twins" to everyone. They need to be their own person, make their own friends, etc. One of my best friends (she lives in CO, we live in TX) has a daughter the same age as our twins, but is in kindergarten this year b/c of the cutoff date being different in CO. Anyway, she has twins in her class, and they never play w/anyone else. They don't have their own identity or friends! If the pre-k ours are in had kept them together, it would've been fine with us. But, we would have requested them be in separate classes next year (starting in kindergarten). I'm sorry Michelle, I don't agree about asking your kids. I don't think they're old enough and definitely not mature enough to make the decision that's best for them at 5yrs old. I agree w/Kellie about it being better for the twin that's more shy to be away from the dominant twin so they can learn to do things for themselves. Best of luck!!!

Michelle - posted on 11/13/2011

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The best advice I've gotten on this topic is to ask your kids what they want and follow their wishes. Sometimes what we want and think is best isn't what our kids really want or need. Ask them and see what they say. Try it their way and only change it if there was a problem. Good luck!

Tricia - posted on 11/11/2011

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I can see that point but I believe that twins will always thrive when they are together, I don't think they should be separated until they want to be...when they are old enough to make that choice for themselves until then I think it will allow them to be confident and comfortable in their class, when they are they are more likely to be able to learn and grow easier...hope that helps! :)

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