Would you separate your twins at daycare?

Melissa - posted on 01/16/2011 ( 95 moms have responded )

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The daycare my twins attend want to separate them. They are 3 year old identical twin boys. The problem I have is that the facility only has one room for each age group. So they left me a note saying that "Eli is moving to the 3 year old room as of 01-17-2011" and that means Aidan is staying in their "2B" room. I know how I feel on this issue, I am just wondering other moms opinions. If there is any question about the boys- they are equals in every way. Their knowledge of the ABC's- 123's- and everything else are the same.

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I have a huge problem with doing anything for the sake of doing it because of a specific rule. My boys were together through pre-school.



They changed schools for kindergarten and a specific rule became an issue for my twins because the school had a blanketed rule that twins had to be separated. The big problem was that at that school, kids were grouped into a respective classroom based on ability. Both of mine should have been in the top classroom but the twin that scored a little lower, even though it was good enough to put him at the top, had to go to the second level room (out of 4 levels). What that meant is that for most of his work that year, he was the only one in his classroom doing the advanced work that the ones in the top classroom were doing. He was really at a huge educational disadvantage that year.



This year we moved them to a private school for first grade. One of the key factors in our decision was they wanted to be in the same classroom.



A lot depends on the kids. If your twins are so close they lose their identity when they are together, or only play with each other and not others, then separation might not be a bad thing. But if they thrive better together then that needs to be considered too.



After our experience, I'm wary of any school that has a set policy for twins because all twin interactions are different and what might be right for one set is not right for another. The decision to separate or stay together really needs to be made on a per family basis based on the characteristics of the kids involved.

Andrea - posted on 01/23/2011

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And since I was so heavily pushing for research, for those who are interested in it there is one here about the Effects of Twin Separation in Primary School (yes MZ twins do have more internalizing, depression, withdrawal, anxious, somatic and reading problems):

http://www.vetgenetics.nl/publications_v...



Here is another one about School placement and separation of twins: a review of research:

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/School+pla...

and this is the pdf version of the research:

http://www.jsc.montana.edu/articles/v8n1...



You can cite any of these or print out and show them, ask for their side of research that shows separation is beneficial. if they don't have one, ask them to update their policies based on research.

Kellie - posted on 11/25/2011

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Hi, I am a mother of g/b twins. They are almost 3. I am also a twin. Growing up l was the shy one. My sister was the boss. Even with my personal history, l don't think l would be separating my twins at 3. Plus that is for you and your husband to make the choice. Your daycare has no right to do that for you. Your twins, your choice. Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2011

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I would look into laws in your state...many places cannot separate twins w/o parental consent.

Sasha - posted on 01/24/2011

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No way! Demand they keep them together at that age. I waited to separate my identical twin boys until kindergarten. The school supported my decision either way. It's the parents' right to make the choice.

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Naomi - posted on 02/04/2011

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Hi Melissa
i have twin boys just turned 3 and my twins go to daycare also. as a parent of twins and if your twins are anything like mine theres no way i would separate them neither would they want to be separated. my boys are as close as close can be and i cant imagine why a childcare center would even want to separate them.

Sarah - posted on 01/30/2011

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Why do they want to seperate them? If not a good enough reason for you, or one that isn't souly in the best interest of your boys...ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

Nicole - posted on 01/29/2011

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my boys went to kindy together but because of the way one of them kept getting the other one into trouble we asked for them to be seperated at school, this is working better as it gives them a bit of breathing space and they discuss what each other is doing in their classes. However mine are not identical not sure if that would have made a difference or not.

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2011

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I have 2 year old identical twin boys, and I would definately not separate them. I read in someone else's post about how identicals should be separated so they can develop and learn to be on their own, but I do not agree. My boys play wonderfully with eachother, and with others. If there is an issue of the teacher just not being able to tell them apart (which is usually the case, but they are loathe to admit it!), then there are many simple remedies for the situation. My boys wear different colored bracelets, on opposite wrists. My 3 year old nephews, who are also identical twins, wear different colors. Every situation with twins is different, some can be easily separated, others don't do very well with it. My cousin has 1 year old twin boys, who look very much alike though they aren't identical, and they have always been separated in daycare - but that is their PARENTS' choice, not the daycare's. If my boys were at a daycare that did that without consulting me, I would be extremely upset - probably to the point where I would seek another daycare.

Our school here has a policy of always separating twins, whether they are fraternal or identical, and I am already in communication with the school for when my twins start. They have this policy because they "believe that they need to develop a separate identity" - I don't think that we'll have an issue with my twins, and I told them as such. There is no state policy mandating their separation, then it should be my choice as to whether or not they are separated. If they insist on separation, we will utilize our school choice option, and send our kids to another district that doesn't have this policy.

Good luck to you!

Karen - posted on 01/28/2011

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My boy/girl twins are 11 and in the 5th grade. This is the first year they have been seperated. We requested that they stay together until 4th grade, because we felt they would have been distracted by worrying about each other. You pay this daycare, if they don't listen to your concerns then you need to look for something else. I believe that 3 yo twins should be together. This is just too young to start seperating them. PS my child are always in the top 5 students in their grade, so being together all those years was not detrimental to them.

Laurie - posted on 01/28/2011

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I have 14 yr old B/G twins and this seems to be an issue for their early years in school. I have done both , in preschool they were together and I think that was important for their growth and self esteem issues. When they stated kindergarden the school seperated them and their relationship changed not for the better and they became very hostile towards each other so.. in 1st grade I insisted on them being together (not an easy fight ) but definately well worth it in the end. You know your children and what is best for them donot let anyone tell you differently. They are twins and let them be twins!! I can only speak for myself but Identity issues are crap my twins and twins in my family have their own personality's own opinons and are different from the day they come into this world so no worries they will grow become teenagers and have their own lives no matter what and so what if they are close and love each other and depend on each other is'nt that what family is all about anyway! Oh, and do not get me wrong there are days they hate each other (give me back the days when they were under 5 and loved to always be together) GO with your gut feelings and let them be themselves it makes no difference what classroom they are in, and donot let anyone tell you different let them be young, secure, and together cause the day will come sooner than you think when they create their own life!!

Annette - posted on 01/27/2011

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I think, you really should ask them to give you more background on their decision. My 4,5 year old twins (boy and girl) would never want to be separated. They share a room and they are in a kindergarden class together. Separating them would be really hard for them. Unless one twin is very dominant I would not separate them.

Linda - posted on 01/27/2011

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I would put my foot down! Just because the are twins why do people ASSUME that they are not being treated as individulals?? That is ludicrous! My twins just started pre-school and they are three. They asked what I prefer, and I wanted them together and to nap next to each too. You should have a say in this decision.

Heather - posted on 01/27/2011

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Cal, I do not think you are over reacting, I would request them to be put back together. You know your children far better than they do!

Suzanne - posted on 01/27/2011

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Hi this message is for Cal Howard, I had a similar thing happen when Lillian had to go to hospital last year. She got a very bad UTI (Urnary Tract Infection) I had to be with her for 4 days of being in hospital. James my husband was with her sister Julia at home. Julia fretted and was just miserable. She was screaming Lillian all around the house and mummy she was looking for us both. She was just moaning and James found it hard to calm her down.

Since then Julia does not like Lillian to be too far away, she is very sensitive and she freaks out if you look like you are leaving and not taking her with you. So can understand that separation is not good for twins and I know they need to do things on their own from time to time. However this incident with Lillian happened Easter 2010 and Julia is still thingy about things. In child care if Lillian is out of her sight she freaks out and has to go find her. So Cal it is not just the terrible two's they are bonded and when one is missing they get very upset. If you have not done so, I would put them back together for now and I hope that will help heal the upset of not having each other around. They need to be with each other, well for now.

Suzanne - posted on 01/27/2011

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I personally think the boys are too young to be separated, 3 years of age is young for me to separate them. My girls are 2 years and 4 months and they go to childcare together and are in the same room. This room goes on age. So I don't know why they would take one child and put them in a different room if they are the same age. This does not make any sense. If the rooms are for age groups your boys should stay together by that rule.
As others have pointed out, I would ask them what their reasons where and tell them that you need to be consulted before any move takes place. You are there mother and will not agree to separate unless you agree.
My girls fret when they are not together and I agree that doing things as an individual and not part of being sisters/twins is great; however I don't want to cause distress and upset when they are too young to understand. I want them to want to go and do things on their own and this will eventually happen. I think doing this at a young age can scare the child and make them withdraw and fret.

Cal - posted on 01/27/2011

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I'm sorry I haven't had time to read all the replies yet but I will as the EXACT thing has happened with my 20 month boy/girl twins! I felt they were far too young to be split up but all my friends & family that don't have twins keep preaching at me that "I must see them as individuals" & that I am not letting them develop as two people just as twins. Well I went ahead & split them up & to be honest it's be a nightmare at home! My daughter has started sleep walking & getting in her twin brothers bed up to 9 times a night. This is causing him distress & I'm totally shattered. She has also become very clingy around him & constantly ask for him. Her behaviour has deteriated to & I've had some very nasty comments "go away" & "no, mummy" that we didn't have before!
Again my friends & the staff who are more used to singletons have said it's just the start of the terrible twos & it's normal. Do you think I'm over reacting? These changes have happened within a week of her being moved to the over 2s room.
Thanks for listening, Cal x

Tricia - posted on 01/27/2011

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I would not separate my twin girls at a daycare. You are paying them to care for your children and i feel are entitled to keep your boys together.

Debra - posted on 01/27/2011

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There should not be any reason to separate the boys, especially if they are equal in most areas of development. Is it maybe a problem of the staff being able to tell the boys apart - I know we moms of twins get to the point that we ask if the children are twins because we have learned to notice small differences - but the general population seems to have a problem telling even fraternal boy or girl twins apart. I'd talk with the staff and find out the real reason they feel the boys should be separated.

Carrie - posted on 01/27/2011

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My girls were in the same room in Preschool and now share the same Kindergarten room...just my opinion :o)

Sandy - posted on 01/27/2011

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If they had 2 rooms for 3 year olds, that would be different but because they are actually holding one of them back, I don't think it is right. I would tell them no because it isn't fair to hold one of them back just because they want them to be separated.

Regarding separation in general, my twins were together for 5 years in daycare. When they were going to start kindergarten I had to fight to keep them together. Going to a new school, having a new teacher, new routines, and not knowing anyone but each other - it would've caused a lot of anxiety issues with my twins (and myself) if they were separated. There were 4 sets of twins in their Kindergarten classes - all sets but mine were separated. Some did okay but one set of twins were hysterical every day - crying a lot and had to see the school psychologist every day. So I think you have to make the best decision for your kids. For some parents it was better to separate early and it worked out. But you know your twins better than anyone so you should make that decision.

I asked to have my twins separated in 1st grade because they were used to the school and the routine and both had made a lot of new friends. The separation in 1st grade wasn't even an issue with them. It was very easy - no tears from either of them on the first day. They are in 2nd Grade now and doing great. They are still very close but have their own friends.

Good luck,
Sandy

KATE - posted on 01/27/2011

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I fought this same issue with my identical twin boys and I won. It was hard but I hit back with articles proving that twins will separate themselves when they are ready. I would stand up and ask what proof they physically have to say that your twins should be separated. I know there is more literature out there supporting staying together than separating. You can find a lot of this information in the Twin Magazine or just by searching online. Most people who don't have twins, especially identical twins, do not perceive them as having individual personalities and think along the lines of "twins meaning one". My boys are now fifteen and they tell me they are glad I fought for them to be together. They gradually separated themselves by the end of elementary school, by having their own friends and interests. They still are extremely close and I think they will always have a bond that the rest of us don't quite understand. Fight for that if nothing else.

Rachel - posted on 01/26/2011

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I'm a mom of 3 yr. old Identical twin boys as well. My boys are doing quite well in nursery school being separated. When I was asked how I had felt about having them separated in school..... I felt it was important to have them separated due to always being around each other and to be able to interact or parellel play with other children besides each other. Also, not having that separation anxiety as they grow and experience the world around them. I think it's a good thing.

Myke - posted on 01/26/2011

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I have identical twin boys they are now 18 years old. My boys were kicked out of almost every day care in our town of Fairbanks, Alaska due to the boys feeding off of one another so eventually I had to separate them and now I am glad I did. They made their own friends, which of course meant more children over for birthdays but it was fun. They each grew in manner that when one would learn something different at his day care he would he would come home excited wanting to share it with his brother. They also appreciated each other more making their interaction at home a little more tolerable. I think it hurt me more than them when I had to separate them but after a week or so they started enjoying themselves. Hope this helps and if you have anymore questions please feel free to write me at mykem@hotmail.com Have a blessed and wonderful day/evening

HOLLY - posted on 01/26/2011

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I would ask why first..... then offer solutions to correct them..... my twins stayed together until kindergarten.... they more than likely stay in the same room through pre k maybe kinder depending on school and classroom. ... again just ask for there reasoning behind this change... no since know adding stress to the kids if it un-nessesary. Goose luck.... keep us posted... I am curious to find out the reason. They give.

Jodi - posted on 01/26/2011

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I have 9 year old twin boys and they were together all through day care, preschool, prep and grade 1. They felt more comfortable with each other the younger they were and as they got older (grade 2) my husband and I made the decision to split them as we could start to see a bit of a difference between them academic wise and one of the boys was relying on the other a bit. Even after spliting them from grade 2, and they are now in grade 4, they are still both doing really well. The best thing is neither of them can keep checking up on the other and doesn't notice the difference between their abilities now because they aren't in the same room seeing what each other can or can't do. I would never allow the daycare or school make that decission for me. I feel the parents know best and it should be their decission on what they would like done with their children. I have one of my boys at the top of the class and the other middle of the class and I have also had the preschool teacher a few years ago ask me if I would consider keeping one back in preschool and letting the other go to prep. I was like NO way. They are twins I am not separating them and allowing one to go to the next grade and keeping the other back so I put them both through prep after preschool and was allowed to do this as the boys were born at 26 weeks and permission was given from the education deparatment. I think it is the best thing I could have done because now they are both doing well.

Naomi - posted on 01/26/2011

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I have fraternal twins and they fret for each other when seperated. If one is hurt or upset the other comes running to their aid.
NO WAY would I allow a daycare centre to seperate them without a very justifiable reason and placing them into a room that isn't age appropriate I also have a problem with; having said that I did have to ask the daycare centre to allow Oliver to speak for himself as Sophie often spoke for him as he has a mild hearing problem; but I didn't see that as a need for seperation.
My twins often didn't even play together at daycare but took comfort in knowing that their other "half" (for lack of better way to put it) was there if they needed them.
My twins start school next week and I have asked the school to keep them together until they ask to be seperated.
They will know when they want to be seperated; my son has only been in his own room for 12mths; because he wanted to be like his BIG 18yo brother.
Prior to that he shared with his twin sister Sophie and they often slept in the same bed. It is a progressive thing; they know when they are ready!!

Kelli - posted on 01/26/2011

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I would definitely separate my twins..only if they both were in rooms of children their age...I feel like they need their own identity and when they are together it is a bit distracting because they are always in competition with each other..I wish the Mothers Day Out and school they go to did have separate rooms for them!

Lisa - posted on 01/26/2011

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I would ask why they want to separate them. If they can't give a good answer, I would either fight them on the placement or seek out a new preschool. My twins are 13 now but when they were in preschool, they were in the same class. Their first year, there were 2 classes but one was filled with full-time daycare kids and the other was mixed. My kids were preschool only so they stayed together. When it came time for K, I asked the kids what they wanted. One didn't care but the other begged to be in his own class. It was the best thing for them to be seen as individuals and treated as such. They are in 8th grade now with very different likes, dislikes, desires, goals, etc. Both are in college prep classes with their own friends, etc

Veronica - posted on 01/26/2011

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As an adult identical twin - I'd say it is important to have together time and apart time. A lot depends on the individuals involved - if one twin is hanging back socially, is less confident and is lagging behind, and the other is dominant - definitely separate them more often. I was the dominant twin during our childhood and it hasn't done my sister any favours as an adult. There is an awful lot of competition forced on twins, and if you are always the one getting the more negative comments (e.g. bad one v's good one, smart one v's stupid one - see another post for discussion on labelling twins) it can really affect your self esteem. Let them develop as individuals and pursue their own interests. Day care centres don't usually make recommendations for no reason.

Christine - posted on 01/26/2011

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Hah no I would not want to separate them. But before deciding how I feel about it I would ask why and see what the reason is.. like if they were fighting a lot or something maaaaybe but then again maybe not. If there was not a problem no I wouldn't want them separated. At least not this young. If I did something like that I would want them to be older and able to understand (easily and clearly) what was going on.

Laura - posted on 01/25/2011

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In my opinion, NOT at only 3 years of age. That seems crazy. If I seperated my boys that are 3 also, I don't think they would even understand and they would be asking for each other all day every day. I will probably seperate my boys starting 1st grade but not before that. I want my boys to be together and be friends. Later I think it is good for them to become their own person and be more independent, but 3 is still so young.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/25/2011

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Yes because they need there on identity and and they can function by themselves instead of one twin trying to be the dominate one.it a good idea even when they get to kindergarten.I did it and it was the best thing ever.

Andrea - posted on 01/25/2011

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oh oh my boys always vomit at the same time. If we have only one bucket they will head butt going into it. When one starts to feel sick the other runs for the bucket to help. This is not a joke. We can see when they are separated they don't act the same way, as if a part of them are missing. We had a birthday party last saturday and we had another set of MZ boys invited. Well one was sick so dad brought the healthy one and his little brother, the 2 other sick boys stayed at home. Before it was time to leave, he asked me to pack some stuff for his twin brother and he also asked for some loot that he picked out for him. He didn't do the same for his baby brother. It's as if he was not part of him. He was much more subdued and easier to manage but he isn't so tame when both are together. My sons do the exact same thing. If we are out shopping and I get something for the one I have with me, he always asks to pick something out for his brother. What singleton shares to this extent and has empathy developed so early? How many can stand up for the sibling when he/she is in trouble? I have not met much but twins? All the time.

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You are so right Cindy! Twins do have a special bond. As I said before my twins are 42 years old now, and I remember a story from when they were in day care. They used to do nap time, and for some reason one was at one end of the room and the other was at the other. The teacher was amazed because one woke up and didn't feel well and vomited, and the teacher said, "I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, the other one just rolled over in his sleep, and vomited, too!"

Cindy - posted on 01/25/2011

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don't do it!! i have 5 year old twin girls that are in preschool and i will not have them seperated! the teacher and i have decided to do it easy. for the 1st few weeks of school, they sat next to each other. true, one is more dependent on the other one, but the teacher and i have decided to seperate them gradually. after a few weeks, she moved them over one seat. they still sit at the same table. they have moved 2 more times, but still sit at the same table. my girls are aware they are near, but they also have othfer friends now. perhaps your daycare provider sees that your twins are always together and don't play with the other kids. you can't just move twins abruptly. it should be done slowly. twins have a bond that other siblings don't. word of advice: keep them together at least til their personalities are apparant that they don't totally need eachtother/ good luck

Andrea - posted on 01/24/2011

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You are so right Nete, the teachers could move another kid to make room. People are so much into making them individuals by separating them (how abut treating them like they are individuals and not a team), but they forget the special relationship they have. They have been together since they have been conceived, they don't know any other way to be, it is their normal and it takes time to develop their individuality and separate from each other. They don't need help forced on them to do that. Of course every parent can see when they are ready because they will maybe have different friends, they will ask to be in a different class, they refuse to take the same sport as the brother or sister; there are many ways to know they are ready or they wish to be alone. I am a DZ twin and we never wanted to be in separate classes, although we did best for everyone's sake when we didn't sit right beside each other. This is what my kids' teacher does, they sit at different tables in different groups and they get some individual attention sometimes when one is sick and has to stay at home. I don't keep both at home when one is sick and they have different music teachers, go shopping or visit grandma and also have separate dental or dr's appointments. It is more work but all these people can focus on the one kid regardless of the twin. They even nap alone sometimes, depending on who needs it, especially now that they are cutting it out at different speeds but we always followed their leads with nursing, feeding, sleeping, playing and comforting, it was never a team mentality to save me time and energy (and how badly I needed sleep too LOL, it is a distant memory now) and I expect the same from others who deal with them only for a couple of hours. If I can do it 24/7 without help, others should be able to do it here and there too.

Nete - posted on 01/24/2011

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Absolutely not! I don't for the life of me understand peoples obsession with separating twins! What?!..- are they trying to claim that your twins are not the same age group??? Let them move someone else child ... a singleton wouldn't really be effected or care what room they are in... If they still persist, change day care or file a complaint ...

Michelle - posted on 01/24/2011

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When I was teaching we had twins one year and a set of triplets another year. I would ask why the daycare feels they need to be apart. We homeschool now so our boys are always together, but I would be interested in hearing why the daycare doesn't want them together.

Saundra - posted on 01/24/2011

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Hi - My girls were 3 when we started kindercare and they attempted to seperate them - i fought it at that time because my strongest twin was very upset and i knew it wasn't the right time. As they got use to the process and system of daycare about 9 months later - I did seperate them. I feel if your twins are comfortable that is the time. My girls are 13 now and have never shared a class in elementary or middle school and I find that is best for them because they are individuals who just happen to have been born at the same time. Bottom line you have to feel comfortable don't let the center dictate it......

Melissa - posted on 01/24/2011

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I would not separate them. My twins are almost seventeen, and I did not separate them until I think it was first or second grade. Don't separate them until you feel it is right for them.

[deleted account]

I realized that after all that I said, I really didn't address the issue of day-care . . . I don't think you should separate them in day-care.

[deleted account]

Melissa, I agree that maybe one is just advancing more than the other and so he's moving ahead.
As far as separating them, I felt the same way - - I wanted them together. When they got into regular school, I was told that they had to be separated so that each could "achieve" without somebody always being the loser. If only one could be the "best" at something, the other was always the "loser." By putting them in different classes, I was told, they could each be the "best" in their respective classes. Makes sense.
My boys are now 43 years old, and they've each achieved success in life, I am happy to say, but I will say that they stayed together in day-care. Hope this helps.

Kathleen - posted on 01/24/2011

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I did not seperate mine because they have a strong bond and can't live without each other, they have no right to do that.

[deleted account]

hey andrea...really brief look at first link. maybe you can start a thread on it. pretty amazing and am sure would help lots of people!

Justine - posted on 01/24/2011

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Seems crazy to seperate them just for the sake of seperating - if they're development is equal it is unfair to have one in an older class than the other - sure if there were two classes perhaps it would be a good opportunity to seperate them, and that issue will surely come up later on, but not to move one to a different age group class just for the sake of it! By the way, I'm also not impressed that your daycare just left you a note rather than discussing with you first what you felt was most appropriate for your children!!!

Andrea - posted on 01/23/2011

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I would never separate them that young. It seems obvious that they are not taking into account their skills and abilities but put them into separate classes - I can't even say for convenience because it isn't that difficult to look after MZ twins when they are wearing different clothes (if you dress them differently for individuality's sake). I was worried about this kind of policy too and I asked when my kids started JK and they were already 4.5 then so older than yours, and I was told they don't separate them that young because it is hard enough to be separated from home, they don't want to add the extra stress of separating from the one they knew from day one. Do they have a policy? Did they show you it in writing?

Visit this page about twinslaw: http://www.twinslaw.com/TwinsLaw.com.htm...

You will find lots of info and research to support parental choice and flexible policy by the schools. The intro page is especially interesting where it will tell you what you won't find on the web site. I was sad to see how families were treated because some teacher thought he/she knew more about twins than the parents.

Why the web site was started:

"Legislation: A Bill has been introduced in the New York State Assembly and Senate that allows parents of multiples to determine whether their children should be in same or separate classrooms (Assembly Bill 3523, sponsored by Assemblywoman Catherine Nolan, and

Senate Bill 2074, sponsored by Senator Frank Padavan and co-sponsored by Senators O. Johnson, Larkin and Rath).

Purpose: Regardless of whether you think your multiples will thrive in the same or separate classrooms, school administrators will make the decision for you with no knowledge or consideration of your children and their unique relationship. All of the research that has been done on this issue supports a flexible placement policy, where

the decision to separate is determined on a case by case basis, rather than an arbitrary, across the board policy. This legislation insures that schools have a flexible placement policy that includes parental preferences."



I hope you can find your voice to advocate for your children and keep them together if that is what you wish. There is nothing wrong with separating them if a parent thinks both children will benefit from the experience. It should not be the teacher's convenience that determines this choice. If they don't budge I would keep them at home but I know not everyone has that privilege. I knew people who switched schools or made other sacrifices because it was that important for them to keep the children together. We shouldn't have to do that but not every school board is that educated about twins' special needs.

Good luck.

User - posted on 01/23/2011

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hi there, i have twins grown up now, they may be equals in your eyes but they are still two people not one, t0o many people treat twins as one. they do need their own space and time apart, it should be you choice when to seperart them and not be told when. (as i always told people that said to me why do you split them, i'd say well you dont put your kids in the same clas do you.)

Meagan - posted on 01/23/2011

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No I won't , I have fraternal twins (boys) and I have found they are better together they seemed to thrive better,they are twins and they are close by nature,I just think it was "unatural"

Allison - posted on 01/23/2011

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Not at all. I have girl/boy twins and yes my daughter is a little more advanced but we kept them together until their 2nd year of pre-school, Ellery wasn't making any friends and Lorie always played little mommy. If I had same sex I would have kept them together longer

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and if you are (which I am not assuming but saying) if anyone is not paying as in is subsidized care you technically are still paying as they are getting their money for having that space filled by your child!

Stacey - posted on 01/23/2011

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In NJ where I live it is the parents decision in schools. You should def have the say in daycare whether your children stay together or not. The daycare has no right to make this decision, you are paying them to care for your children. If your children did not attend daycare they would not be seperated, they would be together.

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and one more thing! (another 2 cents)...I don't care where they are developmentally in the sense of abc's and 123's. daycare is for learnign through play. abc's comes through play and play happens best when children are confident. if there is a social/emotional concern which you didn't say there was han why should they be separated! if you want them together than find out what is their reasoning and don't back down if it doesn't feel right for you. I've had twins in infant rooms, preschool rooms as well as when I worked as an asst in a grade 1 class. the grade 1 boys were ar different places with different things and so what? they are different people! who is exact? it is the teachers job to work with both children as individuals and ensure they are given the opportunities to have their needs met! ust ike with any other child.
yeah, guess I am pretty angry about this one :) !!!

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sorry for replying but not reading all posts. would love to but no time and really want to respond.

I work in childcare. I think that is absolute bs! and I ahve a feeling they are only doing this because of space and money, as that is often the case. if they have not talked to you about any issues in past then you'd assume they are doing well together, right? why hold back a child if he is supposed to and is ready to move on to another room? and vice versa if not ready why push forward?
this actually pisses me off.

1. as of this day. no, what about gradual entry with visiting slowly then going forward?

2. a note? give me a break. couldn't face you in person?

3. daycares need money. they often shift children into other rooms when they have waiting list and need a space. not always in best interest of child but best interest of $ (not saying this is the case here but is pretty common)

4. doesn't this merit a bit more of a note. like as in maybe a meeting with you. but that touches on above point.

anyway, it is past the date. what happened?
and really wish i had time to read all of this. apologies if repeating anything anyone else has said!

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