AHHH! WHY CAN'T MY HUBBY SEE THE MESS !?!

Brittney - posted on 07/30/2009

I know whatcha mean. I only have 1 daughter she is 3 but i do all the house cleaning. I have been a stay at home mom since she was born. I thank my hubby for going out and working a full time job and being a good dad but sometimes i get so tired from having to pick up after everyone. Its like it would be so nice if you could help me out some but if i ask its like well i work and u dont but i think hes coming around to me not working per say. he knows how hard it is to be at home all day with her lol and its not easy. Also sometimes i get depressed too cause im at home alll the time. Its not an easy job but i do love being able to stay home with her. But i have to do everything even cut the grass lol

Luzenia - posted on 07/29/2009

i feel you pain the i dont have a baby in the house anymore all my boys sleep through the night so i am not up at 1 am but i get SSSSSSSOOOOOOO MAD when the one thing i assk my husband is to take out the garbage and HE CANT DO IT its like HELLO am i the only one who can see that its full and whe it get that full my kids make a huge mess when they claen up their breakfast lunch dinner and snack plates!!!!!

Jess - posted on 07/13/2009

I sure do love this topic, but i don't think the site will give me the space to vent as much i do about this.
My house is such a mess all the time, as soon as i clean it up i have 3 children messing it up again (4yr old son and 1 yr old twins boy/girl) so i have very little time to do anything and when i do get it done it is ruined. My husband comes home from work and he thinks i have done nothing all day because it looks the same as it did when he left, but now that he is home it gets worse, he puts his work boots infront of the couch, his bag next to the dining table and all the crap in his pockets (screws, nails, paper, coins, wallet, phone ect) on the table with his jumber, jacket and everything else he has, we can't even sit at the table for meal times because all his crap is on it. I can never catch up with the washing because it is never ending, the dishes are always piling up and the carpets and tiles really need a good clean, but there is only 24 hrs in a day and they are already taken up. If i try to ask husband to do something he thinks i am nagging him that i end up having to do it myself.
Again when i do get the washing done and the clothes are all folded i put my husbands on the bed for him to pack away where do they end up on the floor.
I am so sick and tired of having to do everything because i have 3 children who don't do what they are told well 2 of them are too young and a husband that thinks because he has worked 8 hours he has done his fair share but when does a mothers job finish???? never it is a 24 hour job and we dont get paid for it, we have to do it cause no one else will do it.\
As i am typing this i am my daughter pulling washing off the airer, a son throwing toys everywhere and another son getting filthy outside. How does one keep up with everything without the help from there partner? it is getting impossible for me.
Don't get me wrong he is a great father but he is a lazy and semi useless husband. It is making me go crazy, would love to go on strike but my point still wouldn't get heard and nothing would get done.
I understand where everyone is coming from i just wish men would grow up and take more responsibility of their homes as well.

Rebecca - posted on 06/17/2009

i have went on strike before and he didnt like it we are now divorced and yes i have 3 kids and i was raising 4 kids that was him being the 4th kid! he wouldnt help unless he was pissed off at me or the kids and that was the only time he would lift a finger... i hve done tht with my kids to help make them help me around the house and yes i am a stay at hm mom too and my kids are 15 14 12 yrs of age but i raised them myself with out his help what so ever he thought of himself and no one else..... take him aside and talk to him or make a gurls day and have ur friends come over to ease some of that up on u and have them help u out dont feel like u cant ask for help we all get over whelmed i still do and been divorced for 2 yrs now...

Di - posted on 06/12/2009

I think its a man thing....lol My hubby's idea of cleaning up the toys is to line them up against one wall, o yes very neat but my idea is put them away completely. He does sweep the floor and he does the dishes. Occasionally makes the bed, wouldn't know how to wash the floor or scrub the toilet......but he does vacuum once a week.....Then again, he did live on his own for a while so is grateful he doesn't have to do anything other then vacuum. And yes he tells me when he does the dishes and sweeps the floor he is doing it cos he loves me. Believe me he wouldn't do it for any other reason. But he does thank me when I do his laundry cos he hated doing the washing the most when he lived alone. The biggest gripe I have is that he takes his socks off and leaves them where ever he takes them off. If I didn't say something to him the next day about the fairies coming in to pick them up, they would still be there a week later, I know cos I have sometimes left them there just to see how long they stay there. A week was as much as I could stand. That and that he drops his dirty clothes all around the bed....little piles everywhere. Don't you just love em....lmao

Antoinette - posted on 06/07/2009

Hi I have the same issue but I have two childrern...a 6 month old and a 15 year old going on 16 and work outside the home and my husband is extremely lazy and now our 15 year old is becoming the same way and it is rather annoying...when I do laundry and hang his work shirts to dry they never get hung up and the excuse he has for it just doesnt make any sense at all...he has become so lazy that sometimes I just want my own room and space because I don't like to live that way...he is also a good husband a father but just not a very neat man...I try to ignore it but it tends to get under my skin...

Fae - posted on 04/22/2009

I think my husband is the product of not learning to pick up after himself as well... His parents' house is a mess and none of the remaining children living there (an 18 year old and a 35 year old!!) pick up either. When my hubby "cleans" he needs a few days to do one chore. When he "cleans", it means he did about one-fourth of the job and if it involved trash, he hid in the closet, under the bed- anywhere but the trashcan! He just moves the mess around. It's insane. You'd think after 7 years of being together, he'd have picked up a part of my clean freak mindset.

Valerie - posted on 04/14/2009

Oh I feel you ladies! I thought my husband was the only one. I feel like I'm the only one that cleans, does the laundry, take care of the kids, gives them a bath, get them ready for bed, get them ready for school or for the day. And when I ask my husband to do something, it's like pulling teeth and it takes him foreeeeever to do it. When he does something he wants a pat on the back or a reward or something. Do I get that? Ummm, no. Now, he's on vacation this week, and do you think the house is going to get clean, the laundry gets done, or the dishes gets washed. NOPE! but sure enough the video games are getting played. ARRGGG! He's a good dad, and a good husband, but I need help! I"m not superwoman/ supermom. He does work 50 + hours a week, and his job is physical, but why does he feels like when he walks through the front door his day is over. My day isn't over when I come home from work( eventhough I only work part time). My night shift of Mommy duties begin. He drives me crazy, but I still love him and can't imagine my life without him.

Nikki - posted on 04/14/2009

My husband will get so mad because our house is not sparkling clean. We have two boys, two dogs, a cat and when hes home he does not clean up after himself. I started to feel really bad about it, because I thought I was just being lazy, that lasts until I go out and leave him with the boys for a few hours and when I get homethe house is a disaster zone. And he does the same thing, he will mop the floors or something like that and he wants me to be thanking him the rest of the day. But if I do it, its no big deal. He works alot so I try not to get mad, but when he's home he leaves soda cans and plates everywhere. Drives me CRAZY!

Sarah - posted on 04/05/2009

my hubby says that when he washes up (rarley), its because he wants to show me how much he loves me! I told him, unfortunatley i dont do chores because i love him, i do them because they need to be done! grrr, it really annoyed me. I prefer flowers or a cuddle to show love! not bloody chores!

Holly - posted on 03/27/2009

I have the same problem. My husband drives me nuts because he doesn't clean without me asking and if I do ask he resents it. I don't really know how to make that work since we end up unhappy with each other either way. He also drives me nuts because he leaves lids off of containers all the time and leaves his trash or compost laying on the kitchen counter. I really don't know what to do. If anyone has managed to resolve this problem in their marriage I would love to hear about it.

JULIA - posted on 03/17/2009

I truly believe that men like the ones described here, including my husband, are the product of parents not teaching them responsibilities growing up. I constantly have to ask my husband to help KEEP the house clean and he doesn't seem to understand what I mean by "clean". Men have totally different standards when it comes to cleaning. My husband tells me if I need him to do something to just ask him, but when I do, he does it on his schedule and I end up doing it. I stay home with my 3 year old, and do all the cleaning, and the cooking, and the errands. It's more mental and physical work than being in an office environment, and I don't see why he should feel so tired. I've been in an office before, and after I decided to stay home with the baby, and to me being in the office was more like a relaxing break from all the chores in the house, and I still came home to cook, clean, and pick up the mess my mother-in-law used to leave after watching the baby at our house. Men are overgrown babies with a job.

Chloe - posted on 03/15/2009

I only have one son who is now 4 months old and I know how you feel. I stayed home until my son was just over 2 months old and did EVERYTHING! Even though I am breastfeeding, I pumped so my husband could help with feedings. I never really asked him to, I was hoping he would see my exhaustion and do it on his own. I totally know what mean about the household chores. I have to ask him to even start the dishwasher. I did the dirty part of loading it! There are a couple nights a week I don't get of of work until after 8pm. So I figured by the time I got home my son would have his bath, if need be, be fed and be sound asleep. But no, my husband says he is "scared " to give our son a bath and that he can't get him to go to sleep like I can. I think it is pure laziness to be honest sometimes. It has gotten better, but not great. We have had "discussions" about it. It's mainly me complainging. I think your husband will either do it or he won't ragardless of what you say. That's how mine is; does it when he feels like it.

Tami - posted on 02/11/2009

I've moved in with my b/f  I have the girls who are 13 and 15 and he's got a son who is 13 also. When it was just me and the girls on our own my place was ALWAYS clean. Now that we've moved in with him, my God I can't keep up with this place.

The other day he clears off the coffee table and boom he thought the living room was clean. We are expecting a new baby in June and we have no room for her. The crib and changing table is in our room with all of our furniture. He has his clothes all friggin over I mean everywhere in our room.

It drives me insane that I can't get this place clean. As soon as I get it cleaned by the next morning it's like I havent done anything. He drops his change anywhere, if it falls out of his pockets onto the floor it stays there. I keep telling him he's gotta stop that this baby will choke on it once she starts moving around.

Ughhh I need a 24/7 maid service

Heather - posted on 01/27/2009

Wow... I relate more to Angie on this one, but even though he does clean up (like w/ a mop & bucket) my big disaster with him is his constant clutter and mess! Like, he'll leave plates on the table after eating instead of taking them to the sink, or he'll leave dirty tissues on his bedside table instead of tossing them in the trash (it's only another 5ft away - heck, _I_ could toss it in from there!), or he leaves his books and papers (he's a teacher) in "organized" piles... all over the ENTIRE bed & dresser & kitchen table...
Any ideas for getting him to clean up after himself??? I'm really getting tired of cleaning in general, and esp. cleaning up after a toddler... but isn't he old enough to know to clean up after HIMSELF yet? How do I make him see??? and "men are blind" isn't doing it for me b/c it really doesn't solve the problem OR make me feel better. Hopelessness is NOT helpful!

Keisha - posted on 01/21/2009

Men are idiots!! They are blind to the mess of the home i am a stay at home mom with three boys six five and three. Three boy dogs and one boy cat and a husband so it's one big mess with no help. Laundry never is touched except by me and I will finally get fed up sit on the couch and go on strike. watch them scurry then. It takes a strike or two to get my point across and my husband doing it ALL to realize what goes into a clean house ect. good luck and try to remember men are blind to that really and they just don't see it like we do. Our disaster is a crumb to them. 

Angie - posted on 01/12/2009

I only have 1, but I remember how I felt when he was a newborn. My husband finally said, "I know you don't like it, but just tell me; I can't read your mind"

What gets me now, my husband tries to help me out. He'll be so proud that he cleaned the bathroom or mopped the floor, and expect praise. When 9 times out of 10, he's just completed a chore that I just did that morning or the day before. It wasn't dirty, but thanks for cleaning it again.      So my husband not only doesn't see the mess, he doesn't see the clean either.