Caroline - posted on 12/07/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )
Hi I am new to this community. I have come on here because my husband and I are at an impass and we need outside perspective. I can't tell any of our friends who know us so I thought I'd ask some anonymous fellow mums. So here goes...
Those of you who are in the UK will know the chaos and hazards the recent week of heavy snow and ice has brought. Those of you who are abroad, take my word for it - it is extreme and we are not used to it! We are based in Scotland - the worst hit region and were set to travel down the North East of the country (also badly affected) on a long journey but had to cancel when our daughter became ill and also because the trains weren't running due to the weather and we would have faced a very long dangerous road journey with a poorly toddler. So on the day we were supposed to be returning home when the weather again took a turn for the worse making the roads totally impassable I said to my husband 'it's a good thing we didn't try to make that journey'. He was rather dismissive and ended by saying that he would have enjoyed driving in these conditions. He was treating it like a game, a test of his abilities. I had been looking for some confirmation that we had done the right thing because I felt bad about cancelling on our friends. I knew deep down it was the right thing, the news was constantly telling me how bad it would have been to travel and on top of that our daughter had been certified unfit by the GP but I just wanted him to say it. Anyway he carried on being flippant and seeming to contradict me at every turn. I did not understand this because it had been he who had made the decision not to go in the first place. After a heart to heart where I explained that I just felt bad about canceling on friends and just wanted some reassurance we seemed to be resolving things. I reminded him there had been many sad stories of children killed on the roads this week and just at that point we skidded round a roundabout (rotary) and he laughed about how he had done it on purpose to see how much grip the car had got. Again he was just treating it like a game. Our baby daughter was strapped into the backseat at the time. I was so stunned and horrified. How could he be so irresponsible with her in the car? Had I been talking to myself? He sees it as no big deal. In my attempts to explain that I don't think he should be doing such stunts with his daughter in the back he seems to have got the idea that I'm wanting to grouse about the snow?! He told me he isn't interested in hearing about it because no-one we know has died. I know several friends of friends who have been killed because of it but why does it matter whether we know them or not? The point is he shouldn't be taking risks with his baby's life. I've only tried to tell him a few instances of my friends experiences (being stranded overnight or being in accidents etc) to try to get him to see there are risks he needs to pay attention to. I'm not harping on about it or anything. I'd stop if at any point it appeared like there was someone home in his head. So sorry for taking so long to explain the situation. I'd like to know other people's perspectives and I may show this to my husband because he still maintains that there is nothing wrong with sliding the car on purpose with his baby girl in the back. We have never had weather like this in all our lives and he is not used to driving in these conditions.