Dreading the day I have to deal with my ex !!

Vera - posted on 06/27/2011

It’s a lot easier to read the comments from all of us telling you to go get help and call the police than it is for you to actually take the steps to do it. Trust me I know. I also know you already know what you need to do, but you keep putting it off in fear of what may or will happen from him. The main question is: Do you want to live in fear all of your life and do you want your child(ren) growing up around this?” If the answer is no then you need to step up and do something about it – you already know it.


write him a letter - it must be sent certified - stating that his items are to be picked up, he is not to enter the premises while doing so, and let him know that if his crap isn’t off your property with in 30 days (I believe this is the legal time) you will legally dispose of it. If he shows up say in 6 months wanting it show him the returned certified letter stating that he was notified. There is a thing with the police something like “domestic stand by” or something like that where they stand there and allow someone to get their things out of a house/property so there isn’t any domestic violence.

Ask a neighbor to help you move everything onto the lawn or porch before he gets there. – DONE end of that story! If you don’t have his address then call the local police dept or sheriffs dept and ask them what to do with abandoned property - legally.

2nd part – umm you pretty much know he has threatened to kill you and from what I read it was even in writing? So WHY haven’t you gone to the police and filed charges? Do you want to die? I don’t mean that rude but even if he hasn’t bothered you in a while you are still worried about it right? – Yep you are!

I would suggest calling CPS now – not later and speak with a social worker about what your rights are as a mom, what he can do to the child etc. I would also discuss his violent tendencies, talk to them about the drugs and what the other kids are going through, speak to them about the violence towards his family etc and ask what can be done to help your child once it is born. Tell them you are terrified not just for your life but for your child’s life. See what advice they can give you.

Yes your child is going to be around drugs, over dosing, etc if he stays with the father. Even supervised visits are only for so long and all he has to do is act like a great daddy and then he is on his own for the visits. They keep giving the dad chances because truthfully courts don’t give a crap these days and people lie! BUT ALSO because NO ONE does anything to prove he HAS done anything. All the things he has done and probably only one has been reported …. Do you get what I am saying. You don’t have to be a tattle tale but you SHOULD report all this violent crap!

If you are on government pregnancy aid it also may cover counseling – speak to your doctor they may be able to get you a therapist – speaking to one may help you with some stress.

Tell yourself this every day
“I am a strong woman, a mom, and a human being. I deserve to be treated with respect and in an acceptable manner. I don’t deserve to be threatened or abused”

Bethany - posted on 06/27/2011

I dont know what country your in but in Australia you can take him to court and claim full custody while your pregnant so the court orders are in place the second your sons born. Hope that helps and I hope this can all be sorted out for you. My ex was abusive to me while I was with him but now I seem to hold all the cards but im still taking him to court for full custody of our 3 year old son and our unborn son!

Candice - posted on 08/02/2009

if you think the other children are being abused, please call children's services. you don' thave to have proof to start an investigation. they are required to investigate any claim.

Rebecca - posted on 06/17/2009

u need to get out of that situation u are in with him and bless u that u are pro choice! and even tho u dont want him in ur childs life just remember he did help make that child and he does have the right to see that child but u can get him for supervised visits and what have u doesnt mean an over night stay with tht child for the courts are going to look at his record and look at him and laugh and say wht are u going to do to help with this child? u will have the child no matter what.... family courts will rule the mother with her children over the father unless they see them unfit and it sounds like he is one unfit father and doesnt or hasnt choosen to grow up! my ex hasnt grown up either and my divorce was in 2007 and well he still thinks everything is him him and only him.... take the advice of good back boned ppls and stay safe a threat is a threat weather it be physical emotional or mental its still a threat and exspecially on u and ur unborn childs life.... take care hun

Laura - posted on 06/11/2009

yes you should get custody of your son cuz it wont matter whether of not his name is on the babys certificate. both my kids fathers name arent on their certificate and they still are able to see my kids. but i dont think he will get custody of your child like i said he has to prove you an unfit mother first. and as for calling i would no child should go through that abuse.

Amanda - posted on 06/09/2009

Do you think he could still get custody or have unsupervised visits if the only reason he has custody now of the other two is because the mother ( his girlfriend)has drug problems. He aslo has a history of drug problems and he is suppose to be clean for over 10yrs but if your girlfriend has a drug problem and surround yourself with other who have drug problem and you sell you rx out of your home chances are he is not clean anymore. I also just found out by his grandmother that his girlfriend called and said he has been abusing the kids ( beating the crap out of them ) so bad that she said the next time he does it she was calling the cops. I was thinking of calling cps just to do a check in on them cause I absolutelty love his boys and they dont deserve to be treated like that they are acting out because of the enviroment they are raising them and they shouldnt get abuse for it .should i call Cps?( I probably Will I just need a second opinion) and can I go down and get full custody of my son whithout him being on the birth certficate or haveing his last name and say I dont know who the father is ? or should i wait until he is born and see what happens? because when my son is born he will no tbe on any paper work and wont even be allowed to be present at the hospital per my wishes. so if he decides to come and take my son he will be charged with kidnapping bu tfirst he has got to get in the house to take him anyway...

Laura - posted on 06/05/2009

well the only way he can take your son away is to prove you unfitand i didnt mean that you werent looking out for yourself or your unboen son.but you sould get yourself a lawyer as soon as possable and show them the letter and tell them what you went through the police wont be able to do anything now about it but the courts can. you have to get custody of your son because if you dont (and i dont mean to scare you) but he can walk in and take the baby and there will be nothing you can do cuz you dont have custody from the courts. my ex tried to do that with my son but i had custody i called the police and they told me i was luckey i had it on paper or they wouldnt have been able to to anything even though my son has my last name he had every right to take him out of my care if i didnt have custody. the courts will give him access to your son unless you prove him unfit its very rare they give supervised access unless they see the father as a threat to the child and since he has custody of his other two id be surprised if they give him supervised so if you want supervised access like i said you have to prove to the courts that hes a danger to your son and unfit to take care of him. i went throught his for three years so i know the courts really well.and if the other two kids are not being treated properly my advise is to call social servise and get them involved cuz no child should be put through that.but your mom is right its very rare that they take a child away from their mother. dont let your guard down around your ex like you said hes unpredictable.

Amanda - posted on 06/05/2009

His granfather even told me to have him charged and I wanted to even a few weeks later but I was told it was to late. To do it now would be me kinda being paranoid and I know that is what he wants it has been almost 5 months since that letter was sent and I havent heard from him or seen him and I dont try to.... isnt it to late anyway?I live in a family owned house and my Dad and mom checks on me regularly and my cousins and uncles are aware of the situation incase I need them and his family has even threatend him because of the crap he is pulling. I use to be frightened all the time jumping constantly, but then I realized I am not going to let anyone drive me out of my home and believe me I am thinking of me and my sons safety along with my family and his. I am in a bad way right now financially that is why I am living in that house so I cannot move and I am rarely home except to sleep.First he has to prove he is the father with a dna test because his name will not be on anything and my son will not have his last name either. I am recording everything, i have been reading every book taking classes as they become avilable, I will have letters from friends and family about my parenting , I already plan to tell the judge i dont want him left alone with him and i want supervised visitation. I didnt think about the drug test thing thank you for that or the tape recorder which i will be getting for when the time comes. I am just really nervous about the future my mom was a register nurse/public health nurse and is now retired and she told me not to worry it is very hard for a father to take the child form the mother but i cant help but worry this is my son the one i though i would never have and it scares me because he has been in and out of court with the other kids and the judge keeps giving him chance after chance knowing that all of this is going on that is what scares me the most .......

Laura - posted on 06/04/2009

heres your biggest mistake call the cops have him charged. and start looking for a new place. heres a question for you do you want to keep living in fear your going to have enough on your plate to deal with when your son is born you dont need you exs bull crap. my ex did that to me and i was jumping at every noisei aplied for housing and get the heck out of that place if you cant afford to move anywhere just yet go stay with your family or some place youll be safe you need to start thinking about yourself and that baby. he wont change and thoses threats arent empty ones.

Laura - posted on 06/04/2009

been there still dealing with my ex. my advise would be document everything and a little trick is get yourself a tape recorder my lawyer once told me you can record your conversation with another person as long as its not a 3rd party. dont fall for anything he has to say and if you think he does drugs ask the courts to have him sent for a drug test and make it clear to the courts you dont want him left alone with your child. bring him to court first you stand a better chance at winning and if you have courses ( parenting classes infant development or a public health nurse) get them involves they will help you with your case and give you a good reveiw. My son had a childs lawyer she came in and spent time with both sides of parents. I won my case even though his father still gets to see him i was granted custody of my son,