Family law please help

Serene - posted on 04/25/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Is it wrong for me have my daughter without her father in the room? He has denied her since I was 3 months pregnant, We were going to move in together but I changed my mind so he denied her. But, when i told him that i wanted our daughter to have my last name he got and adittude and told me that he was going to get a dna test and file for partical custody. I haven't talked to him for a month and when we do talk it was through texts.
I had never met his family and i donot want my daughter with his family that i donot know. How do i get full custody of my daughter. I was going to tell him that hes not the daddy and make up some guys randome name. What would you ladies do? Please Help....

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Carol - posted on 01/14/2012

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FIRST OF ALL : you do not drive your child to him if he wants to see her he makes the trip if you do that the judge will tell you to continue ... to do it.. why are you going to court? if it is just on child support he cant bring it up full custody unless he or you files for it i.m guessing its just for support .. do you have a lawyer? does he have a lawyer? and when you are in court let him do talking so he can put his foot in his mouth ...only talk when you are spoken to wear something nice do not bring the baby to court on that day ... find a day care for her .do not give him a peak at her that day !!!!give me more imfo on stuff

Serene - posted on 01/14/2012

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I havent been on here in a while. In October of 2011 my daughters father and I ended up taking a D.N.A test. When he received the results he had called me up cussing that he wasnt the father of my daughter. Which he was 99.99 percent the father. He had to call the courts to get it verified. We talked on the phone and tried to work things out for our daughter, it didn't work. We met each other on Thanksgiving Eve and I met his mom and dad. He showed me an outfit that he had gotten for her that was too small. I told him in advance that it was. He never took it back to give it to her when his parents met her. His mother talked to me like she was so excited to become a part of my daughters life. I gave her my number to call me. She never has and still hasn't.

My daughters father hasn't gave me a dime, NO christmas present for our daughter and DONOT offer to drive to my town to come see my daughter but wants me to drive 1 hr away to see him and send my daughter to him. I refused to send her to his house over night. I refuse to drive 1 hr away and lately ive been ignoring his calls because he isn't doing anything for my daughter. We go to court next month and he thinks that he is going to file for custody, yeah right he hasn't seen her but 4xs in the past 19 months. I DONOT feel selfish!! I have gave this man a chance to be in my daughters life and all he does is harrass me about sending her to him.

Christmas Eve was a disaster my baby was sick with a high temperture of 101.00 and was coughing and throwing up all day. Her biological father texted me asking if he could see our daughter. I was in his town visiting family and I told him to come over. He didn't want to he wanted to meet me somewhere because he had her a gift for Christmas. I told him that London wasn't feeling good and he said," What does that have to do with me?" lecturing me how i am keeping him away from his daughter. I finally agreed to it and he spent 20 mins with her and showed up empty handed. My daughter started coughing when he was holding her and he litterally threw my daughter at me. She threw up all over me. So after that i told him that I would see him in court.

Cathy55369 - posted on 12/26/2011

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dont do nothing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the baby gets your last name unless you agree and you are not married dont even put his name on the birth certificate and you will automatically have full custody and you wont have to get any permission to move or go on vacation you will allway get the upper hand !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[deleted account]

i didn't realize how old your post was when I responded!!! congratulations on your new baby girl!!! I don't think you are being selfish at all. technically he has no legal right to her unless he takes you to court and establishes paternity. so until he does just enjoy your little bundle of joy!!!!

Serene - posted on 06/17/2010

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I ended up going into labor on June 7th. I had a beautiful little girl by the name of London Faith. I named her my last name and the father was not in the room with me. I told the nurses that they were not suppose to give out any info about me.
I ended up delivering a healthy 9lb 6oz baby girl. 22 1/2 inches long. I was on stand by for an emergency c-section because i was told that she was a big baby and i wouldn't beable to deliver her. It was a wonderful experience but a sad situation because when i ended up having to push her out my mother left my room to go pick up my son from daycare. I ended up delivering her by myself.
As the father goes i have not heard from him and my daughter is 10 days old. But, honestly i really don't care because i don't want anything from him. I don't care about child support. I guess i am selfish because i would rather raise my daughter on my own so that i don't have to deal with her father or his family.

[deleted account]

i am a paralegal, and my favorite area of law is family law. you can give your child any name you want. even if he gets a paternity test and he is the father that doesn't mean you have to change her name to his. it just means that he is to be added to the birth certificate. he is going to have a really hard time getting full custody. i don't think you should lie about it because that can really hurt the child in the long run. legally he has the right to know his child. but you can just go to the hospital when its time and not notify him. in the hospital what you say goes and it's your responsibility to fill out all of the paperwork. if you don't put him on the birth certificate he will not be the child's legal father untill he files a petition to establish custody through the courts. just remember: if you don't put him on the birth certificate or allow him to claim paternity you cannot ask for child support. so you need to make sure that you are doing this because it's what is best for the child. not because you are hurt that he denied her when he was hurt.

CLARISSA - posted on 05/26/2010

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I went through and did the exact samething you went through. He got made because he wasn't getting his way, told me his wasn't signing the birth certificate that he was getting a DNA test done because I was "acting like" she wasn't his. Then told my midewife my situation, they gave me a fake name had her and thought it was fine. My daughter was in the NICU and I was walking down the hall to see her, and there were him, his mother, aunt, cousin, and brother just sitting out in the hallway!!! He acted like he didn't remember anything he said and they were all on me hugging me like we were one big happy family.

Later, they still showed up at my room, there was the big argument and I was told that "well you weren't married so he does have a right to a paternity test," that "it doesn't matter if he told you to have an abortion, you should let it go," and blah, blah, blah. They ended up getting put out by security, and I was told that they would be going for custody and the whole shabang. It's five months later. And he has contacted me, but about being a "family." I think the sameway Shelia does, if he has any doubt you pay for the DNA test and for any other paperwork, because I don't have a doubt in my mind. I didn't go for paternity, child support, none of it.

He thought that because I didn't want to be with him he could throw up getting an abortion and then her paternity in my face to make me change my mind about being with him. I don't have time to hear him say I'm not the father, I'm the father, I want her, I don't want her. Then turn around and expect me to give him access, yes he helped create her, but that doesn't give him a right to disown her everytime he gets made at me. Like you said, when she gets older and she wants to find him, we can, no problem.

Serene - posted on 05/25/2010

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Sandra are you trying to tell me that my daughter is going to date"bad boys" because her dad wont be around.... Please give me a break just because you don't have both parents in your life doesn't mean that you are going to be raised wrong, or make wrong dicisions when your a teenager.... Thats a joke.. There are many women out here that are single parents and they are doing a good job raising there children by themselves.. I'll be one of them also!!!!!!

[deleted account]

Serene... maybe try not to tell her that her father was a sperm donor. Maybe tell her the truth, that way when she is a teenager and she is with the "bad boy" in school she might have second thoughts knowing what her mother had to deal with

Serene - posted on 05/21/2010

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Well, its been 2 months since i have heard from my unborn daughters father so i am excluding him from every thing. I dont care about child support, DNA test, court, custody battle, his family or if he is in his daughters life at this point. Ive even made it to when i go into labor the hospital is not aloud to give anyone any information about me, I have erased my contacts for him to get a hold of me on the internet and in the process of changing my cell phone number.

When his daughter gets older and asks me who her father is i'll explain to her that he was a sperm donor. That is very common now adays and there is nothing wrong with that

Heidi - posted on 05/11/2010

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Since you were never married you have the choice as to what your childs last name is going to be. Don't make the same mistake I did. I gave my son his fathers last name and its been nothing but headaches for me. Travelling is a bugger because he has his fathers last name and I always have to get consent to take my son a vacation out of Canada. Go for sole custody and have your daughter take your last name. Dont worry about what the dad thinks, because by the sounds of it he won't be much of a father. I know my ex isn't much of a dad to our son and unfortunately we have joint custody. Mind you my son only sees his dad two or three times a year.

Its funny because yesterday I sent an email to my ex asking him where I should send a letter for consent for my son to come the Disney with us this summer and he has yet to reply, so chances are I will have to go to court and have a judge consent for him to go and my son said if his dad doesn't allow him to go he never wants to talk to him or see him again. Kids say the darndest things, but I wouldn't put it past my son to do that because his father has hurt him so much in the past.

Your daughter does have the right to know who her father is though, even if the dad doesn't want to be a part of her life. Don't deny her that. She may hold it against you later on in life.

Becky - posted on 05/11/2010

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He will have NO rights to the baby until he takes you to court and gets a DNA test. Give the baby your last name.. Even if he does get joint custody he will not be able to change the name without your consent so they baby will always keep your name. Don't put him down as the father as the courts will do that when and if he gets the DNA test. And until he takes you to court you get to say who sees your baby and who dosent. Good Luck

Aenea - posted on 05/02/2010

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FIRST OF ALL I DO NOT AGREE WITH KEEPING A CHILD OR THE FATHER AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. (DEPENDING ON THE SITUATION) GIVE THAT MAN ENOUGH ROPE TO HANG HIMSELF WITH, PERSAY. TO GAIN FULL CUSTODY ON YOU DAUGHTER YOU NEED TO GET AS MUCH INFORMATION AS YOU CAN ON HIM TO SHOW TO THE COURTS WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE FULL CUSTODY AND HE NOT HAVE VISITATION. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THAT JUDGE FEEL YOU, MAKE HIM KNOW THAT YOUR SITUATION IS BEYOND BETTER THEN HIS AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE. AS FAR AS HIS FAMILY YOU SHOULDNT DENIE HIS FAMILY OF BEING A PART OF YOUR BABIES LIFE. YOU TWO SHOULD GO AND MEET THEM, GET TO KNOW THEM. WHO KNOWS THEY MAYBE GOOD CHARACTER WITNESS FOR YOU. TAKE THIS ADVICE AND DO IT, THAT WAY IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE THE BIGGER PERSON. IF FOR ANY REASON HE WANTS TO SEE HER, BE NICE ABOUT IT SAY YES, BUT I CAN ALMOST GUARANTEE THAT HE WOULD NOT SHOW UP. THIS IS FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING, THE TEXTES, MESSAGES, WHAT HES DOING OR NOT DOING ETC.... NOW IF YOU HAVE DONE YOUR PART TO BE LEANIT TO INVOLVE HIM AND HIS FAMILY AND THEY DONT STEP UP DONT WORRY. ONCE AGAIN IT SHOWS YOU BEING A BIGGER PERSON. NOW IF YOU WANT HIM TO GIVE UP HIS RIGHTS AND HE WANT. I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, BUT HERE IN NEB. IF THE ABSENT PARENT IS WHAT THEY CALL THEM HAS NOT PARTICIPATED, CALLED, CAME OVER, ETC ETC ETC....IN THAT CHILDS LIFE FOR SIX MONTHS THEN ITS CONSIDERED AS ABANDOMON. I CAN GIVE YOU MORE INFO, NOT HERE, IF YOU WANT EMAIL ME AT aeneatuttle9@hotmail.com. HOPE THIS HELPS YOU!!!

[deleted account]

I just had my little guy 8 wks ago and in the hospital mom is the law, and you are the one who will fill out all of the paperwork. Give the baby your name (the hospital automatically will because it's easier to match mom with baby), he can pay to have it changed. Let him do all of initiating, court wise. Chances are he won't want to pay the money that it will cost to get any custody. You can always consult a lawyer, most consultations are free. Were you going to put him on the birth certificate? My boyfriend had to sign papers saying he was not contesting the fact that he is the father before they would consider putting his name on the birth certificate without any dna proof. Baby's dad doesn't sign, he doesn't go on the birth certificate until courts decide he does. And, you don't have to tell him when you go in to have your little one. I would suggest that when you give birth, have who you want in the room so that you are comfortable, this is about you and your daughter. You can always tape the birth so he can see it later if he changes his mind about your daughter. Of course, if you go for child support then you will need to do the dna test and such, but child support is very different than custody or even visitation. Child support is purely monetary, however he would then also have ground work laid to go to court for custody (but like I said, that will cost him some $.) He sounds like he is being purely possessive about your baby, and that's what she is, yours. You are carrying her, and you are giving birth to her, she's yours. Good luck with the birth, enjoy it!

[deleted account]

I dont know if this is going to help, But my son also was born out-of-wedlock. He preferred the partying life, drugs and such. He as never there for me when I was preg. He actually was one time but that was so he could beat me around while he was drunk. He said he wasn't goin to be there when I gave birth He had no interest in him, and it was a complicated pregnancy, so I did not give him his daddy's last name, I gave him mine, and u can too! As for his family and such, dont do anything Ur not comfortable with, Thats the best I can tell ya'. I surely hope U find the right answer in Ur heart!! keep me posted!!

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