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Family stresses

Denver - posted on 12/23/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

22

56

My husband is stationed in GA. and we're currently visiting family in FL. We weren't even going to make the trip this year b/c we've been putting out the expenses every year to come to family. Now that we have a 5 mo. old, we wanted to make it easy on ourselves and stay at home. My husband convinced me to make the trip anyway b/c my dad was suppose to send us money for gas. He didn't come through, but my mom sent it to us out of her pocket. We were suppose to get extra money from my dad as soon as we got here, but that still hasn't happened. Now we're not sure if we'll be able to make it home and be able to survive the upcoming weeks on one paycheck.

But that's not my main frustration. What is, is that my brother has been released from jail recently and has moved in with my mom. My brother has stolen from my family and I, threatened more people than I can count, including myself and my husband, continues to use drugs, drink, etc. He cannot be trusted and manipulates anyone who will fall for it. So as you can see, this doesn't make me happy that he's living with mom... again... a 25 year old man, living with his mother. Anyway, so now we're here for the holidays and I don't care to have my brother in my life, I don't care to have him in my son's life, and my husband down right despises him. He only causes me stress and has actually caused me to have anxiety attacks. The other day I get a message from my brother asking when we were coming to my mom's house and if he can see our son b/c he wants to. I beat around the bush for a minute, but I finally sent him a message being honest and explaining that I don't care to have him in my life, but for our mother's sake, I'll tolerate him b/c it means spending time with my mother. But after this huge message telling him how it is, my mom has been acting weird towards me. Canceling plans and when I asked her out right what was the issue, she wouldn't say.

What pisses me off is that once again, my brother in putting a strain on my relationship with my mother and this is MY vacation. I want to relax and not have to run around for everyone. We're playing this by ear, and when I make plans with a person, I'd like to have them follow through with them. It also really bothers me that I have to tip-toe around my brother to avoid conflict.

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Kimberly - posted on 12/26/2009

165

40

I understand where you are coming from. Its not fair that it seems you have to bend over backwards for a loser brother but let me provide what may be a little insight (not an excuse but moreso an explanation). Most parents will tend to lean towards the weaker child, and I think its partly because they take on the blame of this child's (grown or not) faults and failures. I've learned that parents sometimes, usually not intentionally, will seem to overlook your need because in comparison to another sibling it seems you're doing fine, better than fine. As far as why you're mom is giving you the "funny acting" treatment...well you really already know why. You've hurt the loser's feelings and she didn't think that was very nice. It sounds silly because you're both adults (you and your brother) but in her eyes the sister who has it together is picking on the brother who is struggling a little (even though he brings it on himself I'm sure he has made it seem that he is the victim to her). Your brother most likely leads your mother to believe his life is soooo hard and everyone is against him and he just threw you under the bus. Its the story of the "weakest link".

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