Get involved or get gone!

Tannisha - posted on 06/08/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My ex husband is so infuriating! I can't stand sitting by and watching what he is doing to our little girl and not being able to do anything about it!! It has always seemed that he was more excited about her when I was pregnant than her actually being alive. He's in the Army and has always used that as an excuse for not being involved. I understand when he deploys. But when he's home he can pick up a phone and call her or get on webcam to spend some type of time with her! She is four years old and he's been physically present in her life for 7 months. HER WHOLE LIFE...7 months. You could at least make web cam dates! Send her letters! SOMETHING. He came back from Germany last year and ever since he's been taking her every other weekend. The two weeks in between his visits he acts as if she doesn't exist. Now that he's started dating he doesn't even spend those weekends with her he drives down with his girlfriend and lets his father take care of her. I don't know what to do because it's really starting to take a toll on her emotionally. She acts out majorly for his visits and then comes home when he drops her off angry and upset every time! I have tried talking to him about this over and over and he always has an excuse for everything. I wish that he would either realize he's a dad and act like one or get lost and stop hurting my baby girl! Wow it felt good to get that out...

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Heidi - posted on 06/20/2011

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I pretty much know what you are going through. my ex use to come and see our son a regular basis, but after him and his now wife started having kids together they now have 3 the visits came less and less. My son is now 12 and on his 12th birthday he decided to cut all ties with his father. It was his choice. A child can only take so much neglect and hurt before they snap.
Months would go between visits, but the longest stretch was 13 months. My ex was suppose to call twice a week and that didn't always happen. Sometimes a few weeks would go between phone calls.
The last visit my son had with his father was suppose to be fun, but apparently it didn't turn out that way. He came home angry because his father promised him some quality time just the 2 of them, but that didn't happen. One or more of the younger sisters always had to tag along. My son likes his sisters but he all he wanted was some much needed bonding time with only his father.
Nothing I can do but my son made his own decision and I respect the decision he made and I will always support and love him, but he also knows that if he ever wants to call his father I will stand by that decision as well. He is free to call or visit his father whenever he wants, but that hasn't happened as of yet.
I am disappointed in my ex for treating his only son and oldest child the way he does. I am also angry at him for always blaming me for his lack of interest. He made his bed now he has to lie in it and deal with the consequences of his actions. I thought things would be different, but they aren't.
I am thankful my son has the most amazing stepdad who loves him and treats him as his own. Our life and family is complete and my son is extremely lucky to have a family that loves him dearly. My son knows just how lucky he is, but I am sure deep down it bothers him even though he says it doesn't.
All you can do is love your daughter and be there for her. As she gets older hopefully she will decide what she wants to do, but right now she is hurt, and confused and needs you to be there for her.

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