Good Husband..Bad Wife!

Ely - posted on 02/20/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Ok so I'm going through an emotional roller coaster.I know things are suppose to change after you have a baby but I'm not quite sure how. I feel horrible because most wives complain about their husbands not helping with the baby. My husband is the complete opposite. He is so helpful with everything around the house and the baby. We do everything 50/50. He'll do the chores to help me out, stays up with the baby, changes him, baths him, feeds him, pretty much everything. So on a rare days off he helps. Lately, I just feel so over whelmed with everything he works works all day and comes home just to eat and sleep. I just feel angry towards him all the time, I'm real short with him, get bother by everything he says, and since the baby we've only been intimate once because I just don't want to. Granted my husband is not perfect he has his flaws, loves to argue and pick fights with me but overall he's great. I just don't know what to do or if its even normal to be feeling like this. Am I the only one? I don't think it's depression..I think I feel his views on me have changed. He sees me has a mother and not a woman. I think thats why I began to have anger towards him because his attention is always on the baby, video games, and sports. There's no room for him and when he does want to be affectionate I blow him off. I dunno I probably don't make sense I'm just all over the place and I guess I want to hear it's ok and happens to other moms/wives/significate others.

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Tasha - posted on 03/16/2010

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Well Ely .. I am in the same boat that you are ... I am the same way with my husband.. I get mad at him and I have no idea why one minute I will be laughing with him and then he will do something and i'll snap just like that ... and then I go through these crying spells where i just break down and cry and Have no idea why.. and my husband helps A LOT .. he stays up with our son so I can get some rest.. and changes and feeds does dishes,laundry,sweeping everything.. and I have taken it for granted and I think that we are on the verge of a devorce.. we are young parents though.. i am 21 and he is 24... we have only been married 8 months.. and its just taking a toll on us .. its very hard because ... I feel everything is my fault the falling out of our relationship is my fault.. but You are not a bad wife at all! So dont be so hard on your self... like Alexandria said you could just be under to much pressure and maybe try talking it out with your husband... hope it all works out for you and you dont get to my stage!! Good luck hun!

Alexandria - posted on 02/23/2010

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First of all and most importantly you are NOT a bad wife. I am sure you are just feeling overwhelmed with everything, which is prefectly normal. Maybe you feel like your husband is trying to show you up, him working all day and then getting home and helping you with everything that you were not able to get done in the day. I think you are being to hard on yourself. Let him help if he wants to, the only thing is dont get to used to it cause then you will expect it ALL the time and then others days that he gets home and just wants to do nothing you will get upset with him cause you expect him to help just like every other day. Maybe try praising him for the things that he does for you. My husband is also very helpful, but then went through this phase were he didnt want to help anymore and all he wanted to do when he got back from work is sleep and on the odd occasion he would play the play station or watch hockey. I got so frustrated and it seemed all i did was yell and screem at him. Clearly this did not make things better. Then finally i decided to talk to him about it. I work full time as well and i didnt think it was far for me to do EVERYTHING at home and him do nothing, expecially cause i know he can help as he used to do it. Then we had this big conversation about how shitty work was and how he hates it there and how he is sick and tired of being treated like shit at work. I had NO idea that this was going on, i was very shocked. But as soon as he talked about it, it made him feel better. We are now expecting our second baby and he is being VERY helpful again and we talk about his work alot so that he can vent about it and it seems to make things better. Also we are in the mids of finding him a new job so i know that will help.

But i wanted to tell you that you are not alone and i absolutely know what you are going through and dont worry it will pass, your emotions will still be a little off from having your son and soon things will imporve. In the mean time try talking to him, it doesnt always work the first time but if he doesnt want to talk then leave it at that and then try at a different time. That is what i did and eventually i must of brought it up at the right time and he decided to talk. Good luck, i will be thinking of you and praying that things get better, but remember you are NOT a bad wife!

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Truef - posted on 04/02/2014

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We women are more emotional than what men are because of the hormones that are working in our bodies.
Learning to control my emotions helps me alot. I meditate to clear the mind of thoughts to relax me. When ever I get a thought that I don't know what to do with [anger, fear, self pity, jealousy, depression] etc; I just watch it. I don't give in to it or try to fight it, I just face it and it loses it's power and goes away.

Yort - posted on 03/12/2013

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Every one gets mad, just some take time to cool off longer than others, I', a 3 day guy, talk to you 3 days later. Kids are hard, but worth every penny. Good luck Marie,

Yort

Yort - posted on 03/12/2013

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Women take on the baby as their own, leaving the husband behind, disdant and un loved, lonely as hell, In many ways. You need to balance out the mother hood and husband to a good place. Try enjoying things you both like, but take time to care, show affiant love and provide for the baby. You have a great thing going; just don't fuck it up girl. Man needs you, his children, and most important his wife he can grow and make a beautiful l marriage. Marriage is hard, but kids make it worth it. Good luck.

Yort

Marie - posted on 03/26/2010

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You also need to remember that for the next year or so your hormones are going to be all over the place and your feelings may be elivated for a while ... your husband sounds like a great guy and they are very hard to find now a days .. appreciate what he is doing and maybe take some time and go do some girly things , get yourself back into the groove of things .. get a haircut , chat with friends and start to feel like a woman again.. i'm sure he doesnt just see you as just a mom .. your still his wife and sometimes all it takes is your confidence to start that spark..talk to him, get someone to babysit and just have some you and him time ...this to shall pass ...

Candice - posted on 02/22/2010

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Communication is the key, don't bottle everything up inside because men don't know how you are feeling, they don't read us like women. You need to talk it out, you'll feel so much better for it.

Mindi - posted on 02/20/2010

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maybe you should talk to him about how you feel. he might think you can't have any time together since you had your son. that's how my so was. we make time for each other now. i hope everything gets better for you.

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