hubby has "date" with an old girlfriend to meet our kids, but I'm not invited?

Amanda - posted on 08/24/2011

i dont think u r over reacting AT ALL, the fact that u r not included is kinda weird, if u were i could understand, but the fact u r left out of this is not right at all, id say dont let this one just go without knowing the WHOLE situation

Justa - posted on 08/16/2011

Wow...I've read this entire thread and am quite mad for "Lisa Lucas"....I see this was originally posted last year and now I've read to the end.....I was wondering what ever happened? lol! Were your instincts right hun? I hope not! :o/ How did everything go? xx

Laurie - posted on 08/11/2011

My ex-husband insisted on taking my son to meet his then-girlfriend (we were still married) at my in-laws' house. He seemed to think there was nothing wrong with this, and neither did the inlaws. I shouldn't have let him go, but there was a visitation order in place and I didn't realize I could refuse on behalf of my son. It was definitely the beginning of the end. Apparently he was living in la la land where he wanted to see if my son would like his new girlfriend, which would probably make him feel better about leaving me and him. The girlfriend, too, probably wanted to feel like she was not actually ruining a family and changing his son's prospects by getting his father to leave us. My lawyer told me that girlfriends like this want to think that their new guy is a "good dad" despite the obvious evidence to the contrary, and they want to feel good about themselves like they've done nothing wrong. I would say that your husband knows exactly what he's doing and you had better watch him very carefully. There is no way that this is an innocent meeting.

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

I wouldnt put up with that.. i wouldnt give my DH 2 seconds of my time!

Cynthia - posted on 05/14/2011

i agree with annmarie, this is perfect advice.

Lissy - posted on 05/14/2011

I would be pissed that I wasnt invited .

Giacci - posted on 05/11/2011

you are completely NOT wrong. something probably is going on. thats a little weird that she just so happens to pop out of the blue and now hes introducing YOUR children to her and without you present. i would NOT allow it... thats just fishy if you ask me..

Maigan - posted on 05/11/2011

UMMM NO! your NOT even CLOSE to wring AT ALL! I just rad this and got mad for you damn it! Like is this a joke!? How dare your husband think its even close to acceptable to bring YOUR kids to meet another woman from his past without you being there! UGH Im so mad! Honestly I dont even feel like he needs to go see her PERIOD. You said he has not seen in in years right? Well seems to me that if he was fine without having her around for the past 2 decades then he'll be fine not having her around for the next 2 decades as well! I really feel like you have more then 100 reasons to not be ok with this situation. And I honestly don't think this has ANYTHING to do with being 'insecure' because ANY person...man OR woman I believe would have some ill feelings about this situation. I think that maybe you should just tell him that its not happening, with or without your kids. and if he REALLY feels the need to re-connect with this person then he can do it WITH YOU being present as well. PERIOD. Like you said, you have been married for 15yrs. Im sure you know him like the back of your hand so play whatever cards you have to play to get him to agree with your point of view. If you play the rgiht cards he'll soon agree with you and forget that he even had any reason to want to 're-connect' with that person. (OMG I just realized that this post was from last July...lol, oh well...lol Hopefully everything worked out to your favor...if you get this, let me know how everything went)

Jaime - posted on 04/10/2011

I haven't read the other responses, just your OP and all I can think to say to you is TRUST YOUR GUT! Aside from checking his call history, you had an initial reaction to the news about him meeting up with this person. I don't think it will do you any good to speculate about what could be going on, so I would just confront the issue and get it out in the open. And if you're not comfortable with him taking your kids to meet this woman, make that known to him. Sounds very strange to me that he would be excluding you from this get-together.

Schmoopy - posted on 04/10/2011

I def think you should have been included in the get together!!!

Listen to your instincts. Old flames have a way of rekindling.

Vera - posted on 03/29/2011

The question is how he would feel if you put him in the same situation. Calls from your ex-lover and then suddenly he finds you are meeting and taking your children? There is a certain level of respect he should have for you. Him even mentioning that you would be uncomfortable should have prompted him not to be doing this in the first place!!!

He should have been open and honest in the beginning by letting you know they talked. Once they spoke about meeting up you guys should have talked and made sure it is ok with both of you, then you could have discussed at that point if you would go or not. That way it puts the decision in your hands, makes you feel like he isn't being sneaky but also it lets you make a decision to go or not.

If it were me I would sit my honey down and speak about it, tell him how you are feeling, how it's unfair to you and you want to go and would like it if in the future he can be honest enough with you to let you know what he is planning so you won't be in this situation. I would also come clean about finding the number in the phone. He won’t like that you were checking up – but then again he did put you in a position where you are very concerned and questioning his faithfulness in your relationship.

He is putting his bestfriend/wife/partner/lover/childrens mom... in a bad position and that isn't fair to you! So he should be able to do the right thing and that way you guys have open communication (that is the key is communication!) I would also bring up the valid point of how he would feel if it were you doing this to him… bet he wouldn’t like it at all!

Remember before you start getting jealous, or just start over worrying, he may have good intentions- he just may be going about it the wrong way…. You guys have been together a really long time!

Melissa - posted on 03/29/2011

You're NOT wrong!! I would be so pissed. I would NEVER let my fiance go hang out with one of his ex girlfriends!!! Especially with my kids! And him not inviting you seems really shady. If you don't want him to go you just need to tell him. Whether he likes it or not he needs to respect the fact that you aren't comfortable with him going and he needs to cancel whatever plans he has.
Good luck hun!!

Jessica - posted on 03/24/2011

No, you are not wrong. This is an extremely high red flag and most women would agree. The fact that he is inviting the kids and not you is the most awkward part about it. If he is just taking her out for a reunion so she can see how far he has come then you should be included. After all, you did all the hard work of bring those kids around and you are apart of his life.

Saydra - posted on 03/16/2011

no. honistly if my man wear doing that i wuld be suspitous to if he respected u at all he wuldent go with out u! he wuldent even be calling her with out telling u firs and y. just talk to him about it if u dont want him to go tell him tell him how u feel and based on his reaction do what u feel is right! hoping everthing works out!!!

Kimberly - posted on 03/02/2011

Go with your gut. It doesn't sound right to me. First off he doesn't invite you but he's taking your kids...I'm so confused by that. Either you all go so there's no reason to doubt what his reunion is about or no one goes.

Angela - posted on 02/15/2011

AHA I DONT THINK SO! I dont think your over reacting at all,Iam not insecure at all,and I wouldnt let that fly. If you both knew her in whats the problem then? And If he was my husband,I would also remind him that there is no "I" in "we" and since your married and a team,you have every right to go...I dont understand either why you have to play private investigator, shouldnt he open with you about everything? Just sit down and have a talk with him and let him know how you feel...Hope it gets resolved for you :)

Jessica - posted on 01/23/2011

I guess what id do is ask your husband why..why after 20 years is he interested in seeing a "ghost' from his past..so to speak, especially not including you!
There are always friends to be made, so my only conclusion is that he still has an interest in her..and if so..you as his WIFE..have every right to put the hault on this whole ordeal.
After all how would he feel if you were taking your kids to meet an old flame..screw the other getting caught being jealous..hes YOUR husband..you have every divine animal right to ward off other women.

Joanne - posted on 01/11/2011

your not wrong i could understand that he may think you would be uncomfortable if she is an ex and i can also see that maybe he wants to show off your kids to show her how well he has done, mens logic !?! however where it sort of falls down is the phone calls why did he not say? do you trust him? did he not think it would upset you and not bother saying anything? or did he think it would upset you and didnt know what to say? maybe you could ask him what his reason is for seeing her it may be totally innocent. is he taking the kids to reassure you that nothing is going on? it depends on your relationship with him can you tell him your not happy with it? if everything is above board then surely he would ask you along. My husband had to meet with his ex wife not long after we met i felt physically sick but we arranged that i would meet him after 40 mins at the place he was seeing her which made me feel better shown her that i was in his life and he was leaving with me and stopped my insecurity. just because you have been married so long doesnt mean your wrong to feel bothered by it surely that shows you love him and your marriage At the end of the day shes just an ex from 20yrs ago your his WIFE and have been for 15yrs he chose you. hes your husband talk to him good luck xx



i must add though if this was my first husband i wouldnt have let him meet any woman even if he met her in our front garden in front of me, my entire family was bugged and on camera, my second though now after 5yrs i wouldnt be bothered if he had to meet his ex wife and she was butt naked x

Randie - posted on 01/02/2011

So assuming there is nothing to worry about... This should be treated like just a friend. If this was a male friend and you knew him too, then of course you would be going along too. It shouldn't be any different just because this is a girl. And it seems like either him or the girl "friend" is the one that's uncomfortable with you going. And if that's the case and she or he is the one that's uncomfortable with you going, then there is definitely more to this situation.

If you tell him that you are not uncomfortable with going, and then he still makes up reasons you cant go, then that it your answer right there that one of the two is the one that's uncomfortable. And if either of them is uncomfortable with you being there then they shouldn't be doing it at all.

I would call this girl if I was you or Facebook her and say hello and see where that goes.

Lyndsay - posted on 08/17/2010

You are absolutely not wrong. Why the hell is your husband wanting to hook up with this past flame anyway? I agree with all of the others who would expressly forbid this get-together. If he goes anyway, look up one of your old boyfriends and see how he likes it.

Allison - posted on 08/12/2010

Bottom line he kept being in prior contact with her from you. If there's nothing to worry about # 1 you'd be invited to this get together and # 2 you would have known the moment they started talking on the phone or by other means. You can't stop him from going (though i'd try) but you can certainly stop your kids from going. That is rediculous to say that you can't come but he's bringing your children and then expect you to be ok with it and sit at home.

You are not wrong and after 15 years of marriage I would hope he would respect your feelings enough to talk this out with you. Good luck!!

Kelly - posted on 08/10/2010

If I was in your shoes....... I'd tell him that it bothers me, find a sitter and tag along....if it's just an innocent meeting and he respects you as his wife, then he wont mind.

Gena - posted on 08/09/2010

I say invite yourself then. Don't let him see your insecurity because right now you don't know what the real intentions are. Maybe she is bringing her husband? How old are you kids? Because if your kids are like my kids they will tell you ever detail of what went on. So if he was trying to hide something he prob. wouldn't want to bring kids. Also maybe he truly thought you wouldn't want to go. It's not like he is hiding it from you. Don't freak out until you really have something to freak out about :)

Elizabeth - posted on 08/07/2010

I agree, I would tell him "I don't mind if you hang out with old friends, but next time please include me".

Sandra - posted on 08/04/2010

stay calm.
Tell him "No, I haven't seen her in 20 years! of course I would like to go." (in a sweet friendly voice)

If he still says "no." then you know something is probably up.

If he really doesn't want you to go, then I think you have every right to make sure that your children do not go either. If she wants to meet YOUR children, but YOU are not invited, something seems fishy.

ALSO..... this was his quote..."Well, I really didn't think you would want to go, so no. I thought it would be too uncomfortable." ..... You could also say to him that you appreciate that he thought about your feelings, but what would make you uncomfortable would be not being invited.

hope it all works out.

Kat - posted on 08/04/2010

I agree with what some of the other girls are saying. If you know her, then I would assume that (unless you're on less than rocky footing with her personally before this "date") you would be included in this endeavor. I wouldn't freak out on him for it. Maybe there's something simple underneath all of this that you don't see. But I would sit down and explain to hubby dearest that not going would actually make you more uncomfortable than going. If necessary, pull out all the stops (i.e. "I don't want you to have any trouble with the kids, maybe it would be best for us all to catch up if there were three adults there to patrol the ranks." or "Oh, wow, I haven't talked to her in years. Are you kidding? I'd LOVE to catch up with her again.") Also, calling her is an option, but I'd recommend trying to politely butt your way into the meeting first, and maybe call her to "catch up" and say how "sorry you are for not being able to meet up" with the two of them and maybe you can get together...Like Annmarie said "You attract more sugar than vinegar." But I don't think you're wrong in being concerned.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 07/31/2010

You are not over reacting at all,,,,,im getting upset for you. How would he take it if the tables were turned…have you asked that (in a sweet voice)
The others are right, about staying as calm as possible for as long as possible. Us women are great detectives, so is that is what you must so then do so, and I wish you the best with this….

Brenda - posted on 07/30/2010

Sheila's advice is great! Its a diifficult situatiion to be in...treading carefully is very important. Bringing up or behaving like he has been dishonest, can do more harm than good..esp if he is being plane ignorant to how inappropriate it is for him to go along with the children. Just be cool and calm...I have thought about this catch up your planning to have...I would really like to come along!! Be quiet....dont say anything else....even if he doesn't reply for what seems like forever.
Filling the void by saying or explaining too much will enable him to grab onto and shift the focus from the question.
Pick your moment!
Try not too turn yourself inside out, hes your husband, you know his signs and what to be aware of. Trust your instinct
dont make yourself crazy! Clear headed...........
Goodluck

Morgan - posted on 07/29/2010

I agree with Sheila, let him know that you would love to go to dinner. It would be even better if they haven't chosen a dinner location yet. Just tell your husband that you made dinner reservations for all of you and just pick a place. Don't let her be the deciding factor in any of this. You should make the judgement call!!

Sheila - posted on 07/29/2010

I would tell him, well, you're wrong I would love to go to dinner with you all. let him sweat it out.

Olivia - posted on 07/29/2010

Oh no. You shouldn't be putting up with that after being married for so long. You tell him you are not going to put up with that.

Jamie - posted on 07/29/2010

"Turns out it's an old girlfriend that we both knew 20 years ago."
There is your "in" to go to dinner with her and your family you both knew her, and then she can come to your home with her significant other, if there are any other intentions then just saying Hi it will fizzle its' self out or you will then have a good idea if you need to act on any attitude/behavior.

Morgan - posted on 07/29/2010

Like Annmarie said give her a call. It would give you a chance to talk to her and explain that you don't feel comfortable about them having dinner without you. It's not right that he wants her to meet your kids, why? It just sounds kinda odd to me.

Amy - posted on 07/29/2010

this is major disrespect to you. I personally would not have let him go. My husband ex from high school days got in contact with him he told me about it. now me and her are best friends and talk all the time. I would let your husband know how you feel about this and if you are not included your kids should not go and nether should he. y'all are a family. the warning signs you have are a woman's intuition listen to it, it tells you the truth I know from experience.

Annmarie - posted on 07/28/2010

Not wrong, but don't go full tilt on his butt until you find the whole truth. You attract more with sugar than vinegar. Jumping to conclusions could make you look like an insecure fool in the end. Don't be naive either and look the other way. Copy her # and give a call. Ask her to lunch, feel her out, neither one will see this coming especially if you nice and calm....good luck!