I want to throw my husband out a window

Melissa - posted on 09/27/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

10

48

1

I have an 8 week old son, and I'm going back to work full time next week. I sat down with my husband to talk about my schedule (that will work around his so we don't have to pay for daycare) and the chores that need to get done at home. Wasn't I surprised to hear him say "you can do those things while watching the baby, why can't you do them when you get home from work?"

Is it so hard to put dishes into the dishwasher or away when they're dry? Is it really difficult to vacuum and dust a little while the baby naps? How hard is it to do the laundry? The baby LOVES sleeping on the washer while I fold clothes from the dryer. Since when is it our responsibility to raise the kids, clean the house, make all the meals, and work full time (not to mention I have a part time job too!)?

I have always made more money than him. Is this his way of "getting back at me" for being the breadwinner? I'm about ready to hire a cleaning lady- something he would absolutely hate if I did- but I can't do all this on my own.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

12 Comments

View replies by

Mary - posted on 04/25/2013

12

0

1

I don't think men have a clue what women do! I am just returning to work and also have started my own business. I am working 4 days a week, hands on and the rest of the time is scheduling my work so phone calls, emails, ect. We have extra kids(step) on the weekends. I feel like I go all day long and try to make things easlier for everyone else, but no one is making it easy for me? I make a dinner for my hisband and son so that when I;m working at night he doesn;t have to.....dinner never gets cleaned up. Then when I'm done work, when I'm not offically done cuz I still have messages and book keeping stuff to do still, he is sitting on the couch (baby in bed for an hour or two now) and complains that he doesn;t get anytime to work on his stuff!!!!! I feel like my job never ends ever, I never run out of to do lists, I just get exhausted and put myself to bed...usually after midnight.
Sorry for the rant. Men are frustrating.

Patricia - posted on 03/08/2013

353

0

71

I also say hire a maid. Some things are not worth fighting about. This is one of those situations.

Stacy - posted on 02/21/2013

15

0

3

I would say to hire a maid on his dime! When he realizes that you are paying someone to clean your house he might just change!! Men just don't get the fact that we SHOULDN'T have to do everything on our own. :( This is the same way that my fiance is...he doesn't get it...thinks that it is ok for me to work, come home take care of my daughter, clean, do laundry...just crazy that men think this way. So my advice is hire a maid!! Good Luck!!

User - posted on 02/03/2013

7

0

1

I totally agree with its not worth the fighting. My first year was hectic. He helped in the beginning and then gradually stopped when he returned to work. I was back at 5 months also. The more I fought him on the chores the lonelier I felt because it was a constant battle. I do mostly everything. He takes out the trash takes care of our dog and sometimes helps with the kids at bedtime. I wish he did more yes, but I appreciate when he does help. I would rather have great times together then time fighting. It just creates distance between us. Life is definitely crazy at times but he accepts me for my flaws and I accept him. Don't get consumed trying to change them you will end up way more unhappy then of you learned to accept. If it really is that bad you would of left. Family is most important. I don't fight a battle that is useless.

Shayna - posted on 10/08/2012

7

0

0

We did the same thing! I worked an 11 hour night shift and then was up during the day with the baby. its like when is there time to cook? when is there time to clean and spend time with the baby, i mean theyre not babies forever! men sometimes think that women should just automatically be able to do all this stuff with their maternal instincts or whatever. men are delusional

PK - posted on 09/12/2012

2

0

0

Melissa,



Please don't fight with your husband. Many women go through this stress! Please hire the cleaning lady once a month to help you out till you transition to your job for some time, and discuss this with your husband. Also, find out what chores your husband likes to do and give him those.

Try using paper plates. Do the cooking once a week only. Don't fold the laundry, just dump them into drawers. Hang the work clothes so that they are not crumpled. Most important- have a good healthy diet to give you the energy for you and your baby. Another most important thing is to sacrifice the urge to fight with your husband so that your baby does not have to go through all the yelling and fighting.

Di - posted on 10/20/2009

521

20

47

So, hire someone. If he doesn't like it, then tell him to do what you were going to get her to do. If you are working full time and so is he then the household should be split, if he doesn't want to help then bad luck if he doesn't want a cleaning lady to pick up his slack....



ps, make him pay her, after all he's not contributing with the cleaning....lol

Michele - posted on 10/03/2009

61

19

15

wow stop doing for him, he seems to think you are a machine. Time is moving fast daily you also need a brake from life or is that a no no. Make life easier for you, get your child needs done early. Then work on yours there will be less dishes an laundry if he dont seem to help. He will be eating take out an doing dry cleaning an when he sees his money is going fast he will wake up. Men are like babies you have to teach then everything even when they believe that you are the one to do it all. Which of course we can but marriage is suppose to be two people. Good luck

Michele - posted on 10/03/2009

61

19

15

Sometimes men seem to forget that we are not their mothers. I wish there was a way to program then to understand life chores have to be done as a team. Marriage is like football you make a daily pass you better not miss it ,like take trashout or birthdays. These are like team plays remember them or just fumble. Sad we have to talk like that but now my husband know why little things get me angry because I always have to play fair an follow all the rules for us all. Women always hold the ball....

Kristen - posted on 10/02/2009

13

33

2

I know how you feel. I have done all the housework and taking care of the kids for as long as I can remember. My husband still does not do much to help me. I do tell him that he has to take out the trash and burn the trash. Sometimes, I ask him to do something and later I find out that he still did not do it. If that would be him asking me to do something for me, he would get pissed off at me if I did not do it. He does not spend much time at all with our 4 children. I have been frustrated for a few months now about all of this.

Susan - posted on 09/29/2009

74

19

9

Ah. The Second Shift...
http://www.nytimes.com/1989/06/25/books/...

I worked for years, juggling housework, bringing the kids to daycare, all the shopping and planning family events. When we decided to move to a different state, my husband and I decided I would stay home with the kids. I still recall the day he said, "But honey, you'll have to do all the cleaning, all the cooking, all the shopping." I looked at him and said, "Yes dear. But I do all of that now- around a 45 hour a week job and another 15-20 hours of commuting."

Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 09/28/2009

77

29

11

My first thought is why is he expecting you to do all of the housework? Does he not live there too? How hard is it for HIM to do those things when he is home?



With both of you working, both of you should be able to maintain the household. Communicate with your hubby why his comment bothered you. Explain how you see things. Out of respect for each other, you both should be able to come to some sort of agreement I would think. Put your foot down! I know how hard it is being a single mom at keeping the house clean! I seriously would just have a talk with him. Just my 2 cents! :)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms