Live in Mother In-Law is out of control!!!!

Ann - posted on 04/17/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My MIL is driving me crazy... she thinks that she can get in the middle of any conversation that I am having with my husband. She thinks that she can live in our household and not pay a dime as long as she gives him her debit card to use saying someone has to take care of him.



Recently she came up from the in-law apartment then started with her opinions.I asked her to go back downstairs and she refused therefore I forced her downstairs.



This is completely our of control and I can not take anymore of this!!!



He tells me that he feels like he is in the middle. I am two steps of walking away from him and our home.



i want a lock on the door to the basement and he says it is a fire hazard. I want her to get her on washer and dryer, he says this is costly. He says that she can not afford to live on her own.



I am so done!!!!!



Any suggestions????

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Dori - posted on 06/07/2012

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wow been there done that my MIL was crazy litrally we moved here almost all the way across canada because she was having a hard time (job loss) and she offered to help with our children . the first few months were ok then her true self started to shine throuh . she stared saying things to me that noone would say to someones face ie i was lucky her son puts up with me since i didnt keep house well but she would have no problem making a meal and leaving dirty dishes and pots from one end of the kitchen to the other, but our finial straw was when we found out she was bad talking our kids her only grandchildren saying they were brats (ages 3&1) and always yelloing at them when we were out and pretty much telling ppl we were keping her locked in her room all lies and blaming me for our sons autism . she has been out of our life for almost 2 years and it has been so much calmer and less drama as someone was always out to get her i know my story is a bit diff then yours but i think she needs to be out of your home cause in the end it may be the end of your marriage just from the stress alone could break the camels back good luck to you

Mo - posted on 05/15/2012

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I was in a very similar situation and I went the same route as Mardi suggested - make her existence in YOUR home as unpleasant as possible without being nasty. When your husband won't stand up to his mother it's unfortunately up to you. My husband agreed with me (when she wasn't around) and was just as annoyed my her mooching and entitled behavior as I was, he just refused to stand up to her. So I stopped washing her dishes and cleaning up after her and allowing her to make a mess in common areas of the house. I took the stand that this is OUR home (mine and hubby) and if you don't contribute and you don't like the rules you are free to LEAVE. I treated her like the child because she acted like one. She miraculously found a way to get her own place pretty quick.

Mardi - posted on 05/09/2012

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Ask your MIL how she liked/got along and if she ever lived with her own MIL??? You might be suprised by her response, and there also might be some good information there to use to your own benefit.

If he is comfortable with his mum there, then its a matter of making the mum uncomfortable there, not enough access to things, ignore her comments and talk over her like she isnt there, dont consider or even listen to her input, if he thought he was in the middle before, let him see what being in the middle is really like.......he isn't going to change unless he feels uncomfortable with how things are now.

I wouldn't go down the line of a direct ultimatum, due to the fact he now has his mummy back in the house and ready to look after him, so he might think he's in a good spot.....I'd be more underhanded than that.

Then if you want her out, that too will be up to you. Get her involved in group activities of her age group, so she can make friends, socialise and be out from under your hair, and also find a potential flat mate.

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Certainly worth talking to your husband away from your MIL. Let him know how it makes you feel. Agree what guidelines should be in place while she is still living with you, then talk to her and lay them down. Also talk to her and let her know that although you understand that she loves your husband (her son) very much, that she has to make sure that you have time together as a married couple. Maybe encourage her to take up a hobby that will use up her time and bring up that you would appreciate a bit of help with the running costs of the household. Also appreciate some basic respect as well.



It is also worth considering what are the other options with your MIL - can she move in with someone else/flat share etc..



Good luck

Karen - posted on 04/26/2012

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I don't know how you deal!! That would drive me insane! Snotty remarks like "someone has to" is just ungrateful.



I can't suggest anything because I would want what you want, and that's for her to be in my business less. Sounds like an ultimatum is in order. What is he comfortable with doing that will satisfy both you and himself?

Louise - posted on 04/18/2012

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I think you are right two grown women can not live like this they need there own space. It is difficult for him as it is his mum, but if he loves you he will realise that you need your space and time with him alone. If he is happy to live like this then there is a huge problem here. Sit him down away from the home and tell him that you can not live like this. Tell him how unhappy you are and that you have thought about walking away. If he does not react to that then there really is not a relationship left.

Mum may not be able to live on her own but she could flat share. She needs to stand on her own two feet!

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