Karen - posted on 04/26/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )
I need to vent! BAD!
I have 2 older sisters, and one of them has made my life a living hell. From the day I was born, she saw to it that I would suffer just for that reason.
From putting fleas in my hair, to putting poop in my food when I was really little, she did all that she could to make me feel unwelcome. She used to say things to me when my parents weren't around, really messed up things that left serious emotional scars. When I was 8, she slapped me across the face, then blocked the doors so I couldn't leave the house, then continued to hit me over and over until I balled up in the corner. I could go on and on about the things she has done to me that were chalked up to sibling rivalry. The physical fights started when I was 12 and she was 20. She attacked me one day for absolutely no reason and I actually put up a fight. Up until that point, I just took it. We fought like that for years, and usually over stupid things. It was always her that started them too. I will never forget the time she flew out of the bathroom wearing only a towel, and clocked me on the forehead with the cordless phone. We got to fighting and her towel got ripped off, yet she was still fighting me completely naked. She was on top of me, trying to bash my head into the tile floor, I was 15. I bit her boob in defense and she let me go.
She has done it all. She wen't through a paint huffing goth phase where she threatened to slit the entire family's throats while we slept. She has "tried" to commit suicide at least 15 times in her life, some of which I was home for and saw with my own eyes. She is why we were THAT family on the block. She has accidentally O.Ded by being stupid on more than one occasion. The loves her beer and her "dude bro" male friends. She is coming up on 40 years old now, and still runs around like some 18 year old without responsibility. She can't keep a job because she will flirt with the wrong people, but when she gets fired, she cries jealousy. She's a skinny blond so her friends believe it.
She won't go see someone about her problems, and even if she did, she would lie her face off. Everyone else is always to blame.
I live 1,000 miles away from my family now, and yet I still get dragged into the drama. I did a good job of distancing myself in the beginning, but now I am being accused of not trying to have a relationship with my sister. Honestly, why would I want all that in my life?
You know what though, I am not a heartless bitch, though I like to pretend I can be one. It really bugged me the first time my mom came to me with this. I prefer that my mom stays out of the biz between me and my sister, because my mom doesn't know just how much of the past I carry with me. I try to tell her sometimes but it's just not worth it to go there. Recently my sister's best friend died, and knowing her, I knew she would be freaking out about it, so I decided to be a sister and reach out. I told her if she wanted to talk to me and let it all out, she could. She didn't though. I heard from my parents that she spent that week drunk with her other friends. I have no issues with her not taking me up on that offer, but I wanted her to know that the option was there.
Since then, which was a few weeks ago now, I text my sister. I send her pictures of my daughter, and I try starting conversations. You know what I get back in response to my texts and pictures? One word replies like "nice" and "cool". How do you carry on a conversation with someone who constantly gives you one word replies to everything you do? In my heart I knew I was reaching out and being genuine about trying to have a relationship. I can't forget the past, but I can try to move on, if shes willing.
Instead of being a sister back, she went to my parents and complained about how I don't try hard enough. I don't update her enough on my daughter. She thinks I don't like her at all. How can we get passed this if we can't even get started with trying? I feel like every time I get to a level of contact that I am comfortable with, it's not fast enough or not good enough.
This is a very intense person I am talking about here. I can't see myself just jumping right into a full on friendship with my sister, walls down and all. That just can't happen. It has to be eased into. I have been through too much with her to just be care free like that. I wish I could just trust her, but I can't.
If you are wondering where my parents were in all this, that's a good question. They worked full time jobs, and were extremely lazy at home. I did tell them the things she did to me, but they were fully aware they were dealing with a crazy person and opted out of confronting her about the things I told them. I hated it. My parents really let me down a lot. I did not have the protection a child needs. I was left to myself a lot. I actually almost got kidnapped one time because my sister was supposed to be watching me over the summer, but instead she slept all day while I played outside. My neighbor was the one who saw a man getting too close for comfort and sprung into action, calling me over to her house where she took me inside.
I am actually tearing up now thinking about this stuff. I feel like my family just doesn't understand at all.