Need Advice/Suggestions

Lisa - posted on 10/31/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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To give you all a little background, my mother just passed away in March from a form of Cancer (she lasted two years longer than they originally gave her), but because of the disease, she came to live with me and my family. My brother lives in another state, so all the arrangements were left for me to handle. Two weeks after the funeral, I finally had my breakdown. I admit, I went bezerk, yelling, crying, throwing things. I was even packing my bags, I just wanted to get a way. I realized that I needed help and made an apt to go see my doctor, but in the meantime I had returned to work. My husband of 14 yrs calls me and leaves me a voice message that he couldn't handle it anymore and was leaving and would have all his stuff out by the time I got home. A person that was supposed to be our friend came and helped him pack, he has been living with them ever since. He stopped working, so he has not paid anything to support our son.

Recently, I found out through his sister (him and I have not been on good terms) that he was in the hospital having surgery, that he was diagnosed with cancer. My son was up all night worrying about him and asked me to go see him. On the day of his surgery, I went to the hospital and waited for 5 hours for him to come out only to have these "friends" have me kicked out, stating that they had power of attny.

The one is a mother of 3, and in my opinion, not a very good one, she has a 13 yr old who is already on the verge of being promiscuious - an 8 yr old that she doesn't make go to school and a 2 yr old who is allowed to basically eat anything he wants (all junk) and it's ok if he doesn't finish his dinner. I do not want my son around these people. I told my husband in the beginning that if he moved out and got a place of his own, my son could go and see him, but he chose to stay there. My son is 14 and has friends that live close by them and I know he lies to me and goes over there against my wishes. With this latest stunt that they pulled, what can I do to ensure that my son does not have any involvement with any of them. We are not yet divorced, so I don't believe I can get any type of legal order to keep them away. Yes, I want revenge. Would love any and all suggestions on what you would do.

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Stacy - posted on 11/02/2009

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Well, Lisa, it definitely sounds as though you have quite a whirl wind that has ripped it's way through your heart. But as you know revenge is a dish that is best served cold. In saying this make sure that what ever steps you take do not back fire. Although, you and your husband are not yet divorced, I would advise you to file for a poor mans legal separation this will give you and your husband the ability to meet with someone and come to certain agreements that would allow him to visit and also not place your son i the [position that would make him tell you lies. The problem is the people are not the problem your husband is if he wants to have contact with him he would be reasonable in complying with your wishes in keeping your son from them. Although it is not your sons fault, this sounds as if you and your estranged husband need to act in matter that will show them and your son that you can come to a medium. I mean you are grown and you are the mother, stand and demand. But make sure you think very wisely in your actions are you may find that your anger will cause you great regrets. I wish you the best.

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