Ready to leave husband!

Jamie - posted on 11/30/2012

Wow, I haven't looked at this post in years. Had no idea of all the responses until I was notified on Facebook. Thought I'd give a little update. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I waited til the next day and I calmly told him that if he ever talked to our son like that again, that he would never see either of us again. He knew I was serious. I explained that I really needed his help, and that we were a team. He apologized to both me and our son.

I ended up not going back to work. I just had this feeling that I was needed more at home. My husband was blessed with a job working along side a man who has strong family values as well as a strong relationship with God. When the job was done (hubby films reality shows), this man invited us to church with him. And it has flipped our lives upside down as much as having our son did. My husband used to have a very short fuse, no patience, and little understanding of the importance of controlling these things with children. He has learned all this, and learned that life isn't just about himself. Are there still occasional outbursts of frustration, yes. Both of us get frustrated occasionally, our son is very trying. But we BOTH have learned how to communicate, not just with each other, but with the kids too.

And that brings me to the next chapter of the story. We have a 10 month old daughter now. All of what happened prior to her arrival, I believe, was in preparation for her. Not saying our son didn't need patience, or happy parents, just that our daughter requires a little bit more. She has Down Syndrome, and was born at 29 weeks. She is developmentally delayed and more than likely has learning disabilities.

Things have changed so much in the past 3 years, it's like we aren't even the same family. We've grown in number and in love. My husband is working a lot lately (12 hr days, 6 days a week) and he only gets to see the kids for about an hour a day. And let me tell you, he eats up every second! He's had the last 2 weeks off and it has been all about the family.

I want to thank everyone for their concerns, their encouragement and let anyone out there know that if you are going through something similar...communication goes a long way. My husband has had a bad temper, but he was never physically violent. If yours is, then the safety of you and your family are the most important thing. And NEVER be afraid to ask for help.

Kerrie - posted on 11/30/2012

i saw this post and am feeling similar to how you felt. I just realized that this was posted years ago. how did it turn out? did he turn around? are you still together?

Mrs Jessica - posted on 11/24/2012

Hello,



I am mrs matilda morgan from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband george morgan, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to france he meant a lady called clara, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don't know what to do until I met my friend miss florida and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called prophet okoro ahebhamhen who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 3days. Miss florida ask me to contact prophet okoro ahebhamhen. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After three day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact prophet okoro ahebhamhen on any problem in this world, he is very nice, here is his contact ahebhamhenspell@gmail.com. He is the best spell caster.

Stephania Van - posted on 11/17/2012

you really sound about like you are telling my story.. i didnt leave, at first.. but it didnt get better...

i was preg with my second, and one hour a week i went to tops meeting..

my husband despised taking care of kids.

i left one day but got a few blocks away when i realized i forgot my present, so i turned around.

as i walked by the plant in fornt of our piture window i saw my husband pick up my son and trhow him accross the room and tell him to shut the f up... so he cried all the more.

and before i could get in the house he was over there screaming in my 14 month olds face that he was f'en pissed as your f'en mother to leave me with a lil Sh*t like you to take care of.

he could of killed my son.

so i quite makeing excuses for him, gathered up my son and left.

what really killed me was that my parents thought that was ok, and i needed to chill.. there words of wisdom, well youve gotten mad and taken it out on some one else havent you...

for yoru sake and your childs do what you think is right...look at whole situation from out side..

if this was your best friend or your sister or your daughter, and they was supporting a man that screamed profanties and a baby... did nothing to help.. and all the rest that you know... what would you advise em to do.

dont worry about doing it alone.. you already are.

and there is help out ther for single moms.

no one can make that decion to stay/leave for you.. you have to make it your self.

but you are making what ever decion you make not only for you, and not only for your child, but also any future kids, and you are deciding how your child will be raised, so you are deciding for your grand babys as well...

Richard - posted on 11/16/2012

trow that vidieo game out an tell him to man up children arent an easy task but its as much his responsability as it is yours it took two of you to make your child an two of you to raise it if he cant deal with the task maybe you should leave

Ruth - posted on 11/16/2012

I know there are a lot of men (boy children) who will act this way but the majority that I know (even though they never do quite enough with the baby or helping us out) are not like your husband nor the other women that have written. I think they have all given words that might be right for you because they obviously have been closer to your position then I have been. However, the thing that worries me the most is that your husband is treating this little 9 week old so badly. So scream at him for crying - what's next?? Please talk to your dr. Perhaps, when the dr. understands what you are going through (and your husband) he might be able to offer a better solution. Most drs. will have come across situations like this many times in their practice and have resources most of us don't know about that they can access. Right now you have 2 children to care for. Get help before this problem escalates. Protect your child. God bless you! (And this boy-child you married doesn't work? Looking for a job is a full time job - perhaps someone ought to tell him this or he needs to go home to his own "mommy" so he can play his video games!@

Robin - posted on 11/16/2012

Don't leave your son home with him while you work. Just don't. Not only is it a safety issue, but your son needs attention to properly develop. Please find a way to find another solution. Please.

Marissa - posted on 11/16/2012

I went through something similar with my first kid. Before i adress the husband issue... Your son is still really little and their daily routines arent really set yet, but one of the best things you can do is try to get him on a normal routine. feedings every 2 hrs, or 3 hrs, or at set times if thats easier. naps at set times. Stick to it. and yes he likely wont finish the bottle and he will be hungry in an hr and you need to make him wait. he will figure out that its time to eat and eating isnt a passtime. having a routine in place will not only make things easier for you but it helps the baby to feel safe and secure because they know what to expect. its a little early for it right now but i also did self soothing with all of my kids at about 4 months. u can look into that as well for future refrence. oh and there was something else. ull have to look it up but my cousin told be about a method called EASY.... Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time. its a circular schedule for you and baby. feed them. play with or talk to them for as long as they will tolerate, put them down to nap. you can pat them or talk to them but dont pick them up and once theyre asleep..... it you time. anyway just some suggestions to ease the tension. Ok now for hubby. Alot of first time dads feel lost and insecure. They dont know what to do or how to do it and it makes them feel inadequate. this of course turns into frustration and anger. I would try talking to him about. asking him if he needs any help. let him be a part of setting the routine etc and make lists. put the schedule on the fridge write down steps to take if the baby is freaking out. give him some guidelines so he doesnt feel so lost. Now this may solve everything. Theres a chance that he really just isnt wanting to b daddy or to be the support that you need and if thets the case yes you are better off without him. Im a single mother of 3 kids 4, 2, and 9months and im only 24. and ya being a single parent sucks, but ill take it any day over dealing with an unsupportive negative partner. Like i said. Try to give him the benefit of the doubt. sit down and have a talk with him. Being a new parent is hard on anyone moms and dads. If after a few weeks hes still being the same pain in your... then start getting things in order to leave or tell him to get out. Dont put yourself through months of telling yourself things will get better, or blaming yourself. you deserve the support and if you cant have the support then you at least deserve the peace of mind, and so does your son. Good luck!

Claire - posted on 11/15/2012

I am so sorry for you! This is not how an adult should act to a newborn. Talk to him when he is calm,maybe get a babysitter and have a heart to heart with him.I would suggest a counselor for both of you. Sometimes hearing it from a third party helps. You need support and love at this time not more stress. Most men are a little afraid of newborns and not being able to handle them. It is a learned skill that takes time. Dad needs to feel capable of soothing the baby and the baby needs to bond with him. It will not happen if Dad is on the computer. I hope everything works out for you!

Kimberly - posted on 11/15/2012

Wow, that's pretty scary regarding your husband and the way he is responding to your son. It sounds from what you just described he may have an anger problem. Is their any chance you could sit down and talk to your husband when he is in a better place, and feeling more calm. It can be very trying as well as exhausting hearing a crying baby, and that's why the two of you need to work together and help each other. When your husband gets like that, you need to talk to him and tell him to try and stay calm. Babies pick up on our stress, and they learn from our beahvior. If he loses his temper easily, that's a problem, because being a parent requires a lot of patience, and you need to learn it at times. He shouldn't be swearing at a 7 month old..and maybe he shouldn't be playing video games all day. He is not being very responsible as a new Dad. Don't you fear going back to work, and leaving your baby with him? Especially if you are observing this behavior now, and how he reacts to your baby esp. when he is crying. I would think about leaving your baby with a daycare, vs. your husband. Sounds like he won't be able to handle the responsibility and i fear for your baby. All the best to you!! Big Hugs!

Fran - posted on 11/15/2012

Was he always an angry person, or only since bub was born? It's not overly common but some men can also suffer from something similar to Post natal depression. He may be as strung out as you, I would suggest talking to him about exactly how you feel and going from there. Good luck.

Iayon - posted on 11/11/2012

We are naturally very protective of our child, that is priority. If we feel our child's live is in danger or we are not getting the support we need from our spouse then it is time to sit down and talk. Discuss each others participation and assistance so that either one of you do not get to upset we take it out on the child.



Take care of yourself as much as you can, do not worry too much about the cleaning and try to get out with your baby for a walk. Meet up with some other moms and chat. That helps A LOT.



Ask for help from friends and family.



All the best,

Iayon

Sophia Marie - posted on 11/11/2012

dont think he will be ok.. with the baby . the baby is going to cry thats what they do .. can you get help from family / friends ... ? who tell a baby to shut the F.. up. ? you are right to be worry.. hoping for the best ... get outside help.

TANIS - posted on 08/05/2011

I went through this 3 years ago... It takes dad a lot longer than mom to warm to baby. My BF and son's father couldn't be left with my son either. It was because my son was more comfortable with me. Even if my son was asleep as soon as I left the house he'd wake up and scream. My BF would leave the room cuz he couldn't handle it. He would try everything, a bottle, a diaper, holding him and rocking him. It never worked...It's your husbands insecurity the baby is feeding off of. My bf never got up with the baby at night, and would rarely help with him. It took several months of warming up before he started helping. But still I did the bulk of the work. I am very sorry that this is happening...

As far as the STFU and threatening to sell the baby. I think your husband has PPD as well. Both parents can go through it. With women it's hormonal and lack of sleep, with dad's it's not hormones but it is lack of sleep, it is realizing his life is changing drastically and he can't control it. I would seriously suggest parenting classes. I don't know where you are from but in CA they have daddy boot camp for all dads both on welfare and not to help them with the changes. I would suggest parenting classes for both of you just to help you both cope with the changes in your life....

I also had PPD and I didn't get breaks from my son. I just took my son with me for walks to calm down, or put him in the same room I was working in. Yes there were many times I was ready to pull my hair out cuz I just wanted a free moment, but get used to it. Free moments are few and far between now.

Tamara - posted on 08/02/2011

Wow!! I know how that is.. I had a boyfriend like that when my youngest was a baby and baby was his own son too! He wouldn't even change him.. my sister had to come and do it while I was at work!

Bethany - posted on 06/20/2010

wow. this is just not right...how in the world could anyone talk about their baby like that, even considering how angry you are at the time..im sure if he just once got off his lazy but and TRIED something other than stuffing a binkie in the babys mouth, hed find out their are other avenues to take to get the baby to calm down. walking him around the house, taking him for a ride, bringing him to visit family or friends, putting him in a swing or sling, etc. there are so many things to do...maybe he just needs to be taught. you should definitely sit down w him and have a heart to heart talk and find out exactly where his anger is stemming from and go from there. i know that counseling did wonders for me and my husband. and you need help of your own w your ppd ( meds, therapy...) im sure things will settle once you begin treating this ...good luck and i hope he comes around soon. if not , get rid of him and find help in other ways.

Jamie - posted on 06/18/2010

Have you seen the show about "baby talk" it was on Oprah I actually used it on our lil guy b/c it had been 16 yrs between kids the sounds a baby makes from birth for certain things it is amazing the video actually gives you an idea to what to listen for I taught it to my husband and he felt so much more confident. It also gave me an ear from far away to micro manage & help him to take care of our lil guy. PPD is serious hopefully your Gyno was able to explain to hubby what he can do too to help you get through this page in your life remember soon this page will turn, prayers for you.

Olivia - posted on 06/11/2010

You are the one supporting the child. He is doing nothing. Leave his sorry ass for awhile and maybe he will get the picture. Maybe not.. But he is lazy for not working. Even flipping burgers would bring in some money.

Acelynn - posted on 06/04/2010

You need a break too hun! I had PPD when my daughter was young and it was really hard for me to do everything myself I was a stay home mom 14 hours away from my family and not too many close friends. My husband also plays alot of video games! grrr! And I was recovering from a really horrible pregnancy. So finally I just broke down. He had no choice but to help. The baby was screaming and I was holding her a mess crying so hard I couldnt see anything. Since then he has helped some. He learned that I needed some time to recover he would hold her and change diapers. Things like that. As she has gotten older and my PPD is now gone he does alot more with her. She isn't as fussy and is a very happy go lucky baby. He isn't scared he is going to hurt her when he holds her and he can play with her more. We have set boundaries for his games. It was coming in the middle of us. No games during dinner, certain nights he can play more, after we (the baby and I) are in bed... ect things that both of us are comfotable with. It has helped a ton! I hope this helps and you feel better soon!

Katrina - posted on 05/28/2010

I had the same problem in the beginning. Although my husband would play with the baby but wouldnt get up to get a bottle or change his diaper sometimes day or night. Whenever the baby would cry he would say I dont know what's wrong with you go to your mama instead of trying to figure it out. I finally told him I was fed up with him and that the way he was going I didnt need him in the first place. I was the one making more money and taking care of our child so either straighten up or get out. If he says yea right you pack his crap for him and leave it by the door or outside of the door. Because after a while their will be no love left.

Sarah - posted on 02/28/2010

First, I remember saying almost the exact same things to myself not so long ago...that being said- you don't need to leave your husband quite yet. However, you need to stop making excuses for him. Stop justifying the behavior and the words that come out of his mouth. He is the adult in the situation and your child is the "child". There is NO excuse for him CHOOSING to react in such a manner to the crying. Bottom line is no one can "make" us behave a certain way. Every one of us has a choice as to how we are going to handle, not handle, act, or react to a situation. You and him need get a grip on personal awareness and taking responsibility for each owns actions. Why should you make excuses for him and justify in your thoughts what he is/is not doing when he himself is not taking any responsibility in parenting or even "babysitting" whatsoever??????? I am not pointing fingers, but I was in the same boat for a lot longer than I'd like to admit. I know how frustrating it can be to sit in slight fear of leaving your child with your husband...and the crying.

Just and FYI: I started to take my son for activities. I would take him to the park, the museum, the local mall to run :). Anything to give him that quality of time he needed from me. He needed a lot of reassurance from me. When he didn't get it, he would cry...non-stop. Good luck, and make some changes for yourself on the inside. Decide what type of behavior you are willing to accept and what you are not. Then DO SOMETHING about it. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY TOO!!!!!

Alexandria - posted on 02/23/2010

I cant say i know entiely what you are going through but i do somewhat. My husband was the same way when we had our son. Granted we were 19 at the time and both had to grow up quickly. Which for men is very hard. I had to do everything myself and it seemed that my husband never wanted to help with anything. So i finally asked him what the hell was up and he said that he was scared that he would hurt our son. My husband is a big man (hes 6 foot 5 and very muscular so he is on the large side) and because babies are small and fragile he always thought he was going to hurt him. which makes sense if you think about it. My hubby got better and better at being with our son and eventually when i got a different job that required me to work certain days that my husband was home, he had the whole day with our son and they did great. It got easier for him as our son got older, they are best of freinds now (our son is 4). So it is probably sometthing that your husband will grow out of eventually. Talk to him and find out what bothers him and offer to give him your suggestions on how to make things better. Then remind him that in a few years your son is going to need his daddy to teach him how to hunt and fish and do all the sports and stuff. So if your hubby is not going to smarten up now, how is he going to be able to do all that fun stuff later on. I wish you all the best!!

Candice - posted on 02/22/2010

I think you need to throw his video game out the window and tell him if he doesn't shape the fuck up that's where he'll be going as well, because right now it sounds like you might as well be a single mother.

Mindi - posted on 02/18/2010

i'm really sorry. he sounds immature. he needs to realize that he made your son too. so he needs to share the responsibilities of raising him. that's horrible that he said that to your son. you should sit him down and tell him how you feel. if he doesn't help you out with your son then i'd leave. maybe then he'd realize he's wrong and be a better father.

Annette - posted on 01/30/2010

I could have written this myself. My heart goes out to you. My husband was much the same way, except he had a job. That's why he couldn't "have that baby crying" he was tired and needed his rest. Well, try pushing out a baby some day and having that child feeding off you day and night. Then we'll talk about tired. We had planned on having our daughter and went to all those baby-prep classes. It did him no good. He treated our daughter like some un-wanted step child for the first year and a half of her life!! It broke my heart and I resented him so much. We did split. But we went to counseling and things turned around. He has his moments at times, but I remind him that if he wants to keep his family, he will straighten out. My advice is to seek counseling immediatly. It is a safe place were you can say things that you have not yet been able to. I had PPD too, but I lied to my dr about it b/c I was afraid they would take my baby. Best of luck to you.

Serene - posted on 01/30/2010

OK forget the heart to heart. Try frypan to head. No LOL, you need to tell him FIRMLY that you are not the only parent, and he can take the time to learn and BE a parent or you will remove him from the situation (ie leave). You say to him exactly why it is not OK to tell the baby to STFU, why he needs to pick the baby up and why you need some time out occasionally. You ALSO need to tell him that you are not comfortable leaving him with the baby until he shows that he is capable of looking after him. In all honesty, I did a better job than your husband when I was 15!

Take the playstation away, uninstall the games from the computer, and tell him that on no uncertain terms is he getting them back until he decides his son is as important as his free time.

I have been through PND, and I went fuckin loopy. And I DID put it nicely. The best thing for me to do was to take my husband with me to the docs while I got myself some help. either he sits in the waiting room with the baby and everyone sees and judges (boy did it make him uncomfortable, but he learned), or he goes in with you and hears it from the doc instead.

I hate to say this, but it very well may be that you are best to leave him on his own for a few days to think about whether he is ready for a family. You could even suggest that you are going to have some alone time for 2-3 days, but personally Id be worried about leaving a baby with someone so callous.

I hope it all goes better for you Jamie. Take care of YOU!

Denise - posted on 01/25/2010

My observation, seeing it time and again with friends, family members, as well as myself, has been that men in general don't get involved in child-rearing until the child is old enough to interact with the father. Men are very immature in that respect, and their ego gets in the way of their altruistic nature, if they have any at all. Their ego needs to be stroked by the child who will put their father on a pedestal. They need to have a playmate because they themselves are children. So until your baby becomes a little bit more independent and interactive, I wish you much luck. Many a marriage has not survived this phase, because the couple -- well, mostly the man -- didn't really think life was going to change all that much, and nothing could be further from the truth.

One mistake that we as women make is we think the man is just going to get it. He's going to see the situation the way we see it and he's going to do exactly what we want them to do. Well, that isn't going to happen. You need to tell him what the issues are. So, you are going to have to dig down deep -- I know it will be tough with your PPD, you are probably feeling very weak and vulnerable -- but for your sake as well as your child's, you need to find your inner strength to have a very serious discussion with your husband about the roles each of you wants to/has to play in this family. I am concerned for you that if he is going to be the primary caregiver once you return to work, if he's screaming at this poor helpless baby now, it can only get worse. Get a counselor involved if you are unable to communicate with him. But I feel the most solid foundation for a happy marriage and family life is constant open, loving dialogue and communication. Do not stay silent, for your sake, for your son's sake. Remember, don't make it an accusatory conversation, your husband will not listen. Make it an open dialogue about what you see as problems and how the 2 of you can fix it together. Identifying roles (not necessarily traditional male/female roles, but roles nonetheless) is very important, discussing how the two of you will handle problems as a team is of utmost importance. Make him realize you are on the same team. Make him realize he is a father with new responsibilities and you need help. Somehow you two have to still love each other -- you created this baby out of your love for each other. So sit down, and talk to your mate. Make it work. For your sake, your son's sake, and your husband's sake. Good luck.

Denise

Tammy - posted on 01/22/2010

My daugher is 6 and I have all the same problems as you and no they dont get better. He will change for a week or so then its right back to the way it was. All he does is hunt and fish and spend time with his friends. I never get to do anything other then be a mom witch dont get me wrong I love.

Tanya - posted on 01/20/2010

My dear...first your husband needs to stop the videos games and join the family. If your husband is frustrated because of not working, he needs to talk to you about it. Taking his frustrations out on you and your baby is not good. The video games might be his way of avoiding the reality of your family situation...it's addictive too! The man needs to open up and be honest about his feelings. Best of luck!

Rebecca - posted on 01/11/2010

First thing first. Find a really big hammer & SMASH the F****n video game!

Second, get in touch with family or close friends & be VERY honest with them about how you are feeling so that they can be there to support & help you when you need it.

Thirdly, I wouldn't even consider leaving your son with your hubby, sorry but he obviously lacks empathy (like my DH). Tell him he had better get off his Butt & find work cos you aren't leaving the baby with someone who sees a machine as more important than his own flesh & blood!



It is just not funny or even slightly amusing for him to say he is going to sell his child. He needs a serious head reading. Children bring a lot of stress to any relationship. Maybe he should have thought with the head above his shoulders instead of the one below his belt before he got you pregnant. Some men just don't get it!

Lynn - posted on 01/03/2010

New to COM. Hope things have improved. If sitting down heart-to-heart doesn't work, I highly recommend marital counseling. Sometimes it's the third party that can help you address the issues and give you tools to deal with them together. If he's unwilling to work on it, help out, etc. I would feel exactly the same way you do!

Carole - posted on 12/30/2009

Oh dear Ladies - it's time to get a grip on reality again.
Men are never going to do what you want them to, when you want them too.

My husband finally got around to explaining how he felt when my son was about 18 months old. He explained that for 9 months - there was nothing he could do for his baby whilst I was pregnant. Then the baby was born and I breastfed for 8 months - effectively cutting him out of the equation again. When our son cried - he only seemed to settle when he was with me - once again excluding my husband from his child

It might be time to sit down and rethink things. We are our children's primary carers for most of their baby and toddler years. Our partners/husbands don't get the same opportunity to bond with them that we do.
My husband said that he only really started bonding seriously with our son when he was about a year old and started becoming a person - before that he was just a blob.

So instead of complaining about the menfolk - try calming talking to them or helping them to bond with their children. It's just easier for us woman to take control and just try to do it all but we exclude our other halves whether we mean to or not

Debbie - posted on 12/28/2009

Sorry to hear about PPD. Ask yourself something would it be any different without him there. It sounds as if you are a single mother already. I am no shrink but you and your family are worth more than a video game. Try talking and if nothing changes then you need to be happy you and your child is your world. Be honest with your doctor get your help and don't forget to ask for help from trusting friends and family, they will be happy to give you a hand and spend time with your little bundle of joy

I wish you happiness and a life you can live

Karen - posted on 12/27/2009

I am so sorry you are dealing with PPD. By the sounds of it, your husband is a child himself. I am in the process of leaving my selfish husband of 10 years because he is just not "family" oriented. We have 3 children together & has not changed my 2 year old daughters diaper ever. Everything is my responsibility & it is always "my turn" to get the kids when they need something. It will not change ... some people are just not "kid friendly". It might change for a few weeks or a month after you talk to him, but then it will all go back to being the same until you snap on him again ... then it will get better for a week or 2 ... then back to the same old, same old. I think you need to sit down & have a chat with him, if he can come to terms with himself that he really doesn't do anything to help you & is mentally abusing your baby (doesn't matter if the baby doesn't understand, he understands the tone in his daddy's voice) .. then yes, he can change. But if he gets defensive & says he is doing the best he can ... he really wants nothing to do with being a father.

I hope you guys find a way to deal with your problems before things get ugly. Verbally abusing anyone, a baby, a child, an adult ... should not ever be put up with.

Denver - posted on 12/11/2009

Wow, I felt like I was reading something I posted myself! My husband and I had our firstborn son almost 5 months ago. We're both in our early 20's and my husband was the type to spend hours on his guitar or video games as well. When Tristan came along, I was surprised at first that none of that changed. I felt like I was doing everything by myself and if ever I asked my husband for help he'd complain. It caused huge fights and threw me into depression as well. I remember continuously saying that other than the financial support I get from my husband, I might as well be doing this alone b/c I honestly felt like a single mom. It took a few big fights and him to prioritize his life to change. My biggest problem was that I didn't want to have to tell him to spend time with his son, or tell him how to take care of his son. But the truth is, as mothers, spending more time with our babies, we know a lot more than the guys do, so they need to be told how to do things at first. With time, my husband's learned what the different cries mean, and since we have Tristan on a schedule, he knows by looking at the clock whether or not Tristan is hungry. And I don't know what it is, but for some reason, like your husband, hearing a baby cry just drives my husband crazy! He hates it and it gets him in such a bad mood. And at first I was saying "did you check his diaper, did you try to see if he's hungry, take the time to check everything before freaking out". There is a reason for the crying, but he didn't think to take the time and pay attention.

All I can say is have a heart to heart with your husband, tell him exactly how you've been feeling and tell him how he can help. He's not going to like what you have to say, but he's not going to change unless you make your frustrations obvious. And like I said earlier, when my husband finally got in gear, I still had to tell him how to do things and give him some directions. A big thing I kept having to say to my husband is "those video games are NOT more important than your son!". It's harsh, but it was the truth and it worked. I don't know if your husband's personality is similar to mine, but I had to be prepared for my husband to get defensive right away. It's definitely going to be a big thing to swallow for him, but this is obviously bothering you in a very big way and he needs to put his family first and not those video games.

I wish you the best of luck and hopefully everything will work out. Take a deep breath and hang in there. :)

Rene - posted on 12/10/2009

DID YOU TELL YOU HUSBAND HOW YOU FEEL? Did you come downstairs and tell him "what the f@#! ?" you don't say that to a baby its not ok. Your right about the frustration part but dont make excuses for him he is a grown man and needs to be held accoutable for his actions If you dont say anything thats like saying it ok and then you get to stay up worrying instead of working it out better a 30 minute fight than years of anger and disappointment building up it funny when my husband and i have something we need to talk about 9 times out of 10 something is wrong on the other persons end too they needed to talk just as much PPD can be hard on both parents

Jessica - posted on 11/22/2009

that sounds alot like my boyfriend. and we arnt even married. i wouldnt dare marry him. we fight too much. i have two girls 15 month and 2 month olds. i get NO help. i think i have PPD too but i lied to my doctor about it. im so stressed out seriously i know how you feel. i have to feed the little on and make sure my oldest isnt getting into anything and shes into her tantrums so shes screaming and the other one is screaming. its hard work. and on top of that my bf is NEVER home. he goes to parties and hangs out with his friends. hes even leid to me about where hes going and i seen pictures of him and another girl. hes gone until 5AM everynight. i cry all the time cuz i get no help with the babies and how he treats me. he acts like he didnt do anything wrong. and when he is home hes on the computer or playing his games. im in the same sitiuation. i know how you feel. it sucks and i think its best that we get out now ..

Ronica - posted on 11/22/2009

oy! hugs my dear. I had PPD, for 16 months before I started feeling the least bit 'normal' again. I did end up leaving my husband. Because he did the exact same b.s. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Some men will change, my ex. hasn't. I wish you luck and know that the end of the day you and your child are the ones who matter most. ♥

Nicole - posted on 11/18/2009

Maybe you should sit him down and let him now how you feel.

Sandra - posted on 11/18/2009

honey i know what you are going through, my son is 15months and if he cries my husband looks at me. when it comes to sleep believe me even if you were on tranquilizers you would still wake up for you crying son, it motherly instinct. talk to a close friend or family member see if you can have them babysit even if it's once a week for a couple of hours so you can take a breather, maybe even just to talk to your husband or spend time with him you may find out that he's just scared about how to figure out cries and that's why he keeps his distance. i hope things get better for you, remember to breathe and that it will get easier each and everyday.

Heidi - posted on 11/06/2009

Well having a child is going to change your life completely. Some babies are good and don't cry, and others are more needed. It takes time to figure out what each cry means. It will be frustrating at times, but when things get tough and you feel you can't take it anymore, put the baby in his crib for a few minutes even if he is crying and step outside and breathe deeply. Calm yourself down. When you feel calmed down then attend to the baby.

As for your husband...if he can't help take care of your son, and since he doesn't have a job, he should be more available to help. A video game is NOT important at all. If he can't handle having child then maybe he shouldn't have had one. Sorry for being so harsh, but some men really don't deserve the title DADDY. I am not saying that is your husband by any means, but if your husband thinks a video game is more important then helping with his baby, or helping out with the chores around the house, then maybe he needs a good talking to.

I feel so sorry for you and I wish things were different for you, because having a baby should be a happy time for you both, not a frustrating time. Although babies can be frustrating at times, its nice if you can count on your spouse to help out as well, rather then you doing it all yourself.