April - posted on 02/05/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )
So I am a single mom working full time. I work third shift. It sucks but it works well with my schedule and I really don't miss much with my son. i am at work he is sleeping i am sleeping when he is at school. His dad I can't stand him!!!!!! So he plays good dad and helps out when he wants to prove something he treats my son like a burden and treats his other kids like he hung the moon. It really pisses me off. My son hates going over there cries pitches a fit anything he can do to try and not go over there he does. He is getting better about it and is starting to suck it up and just go he knows it is pointless to fight it now. He likes going to see his step mom and his brother but he hates being around his dad. It breaks my heart. Well the other day he tells me that his dad and step mom fight that they don't get along and that when they fight they tell him to go to his room. He says that he can still here them and sometimes he thinks they are fighting about him. He then proceed to tell me that his daddy drinks beer around him and that he drinks its and then drives him places and sometimes he drinks it while in the car with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was livid but I have NEVER talked bad about his father in front of him. I don't think it is right, my son will find out the truth soon enough and talking bad about him only makes me look bad. So I try to stay calm and explain to him that they are not fighting about him and that it is best for him to go to his room when they are fighting. I told him that he can always call me when they fight and I will come get him. He seems to be fine with that answer then we move on to the drinking issue. I tell him that it is not safe for him to be in the car with anyone that is drinking and that includes me. That next time that happens he need to tell his daddy or whoever it is that he is not getting in the car with them cause he doesn't feel safe cause they have been drinking. Of course I told him he can always call me. But he is only 6 and its not like he can just pick up the cell phone and dial. He is very smart for his age and little to much if you ask me. He picks up on so much. I am dating someone now and my son really likes him. He asked if he could be his new daddy. He likes him cause he is nice to him and spends time with him. He plays the wii with my son, reads to him plays basketball he includes my son in everything.My son does not get that attention from his dad, I find it very sad that a father can treat his son so badly. My ex has another son with his wife and he treats him like gold, he plays with him he does everything with him. He talks about his other son to my family my brothers but he never talks about my son. He refuses to keep him if he is sick but stays at home from work with the other child when he is sick. I don't understand how you can treat your childern so differently I understand my sonis not over there all the time and that plays a part in it. But you would think that when he goes over there instead of putting him in front of the tv or video games or shipping him off to grandmas house that you would spend time with him. I got really upset with him and his wife one year cause they get him for a month out of the summer they planned a trip to the beach the whole family they get my son all hyped up about going and then leave him here with his grandma while they go to the beach. How sorry is that my son was crushed and I didnt know anything about it until his grandmother called me and asked if it was ok to take him to tennesse to see the penguins. I mean what do you tell your son when he asks why does daddy hate me why is he mean to me does he love my brother more. Why is daddy late why does he lie to me why does he not come to my ball games. why is he always mad at me. I am sick of making excuses for his pos father. I am at a lose of words and i want so badly to be like you never have to go over there again he is a terrible person and you deserve so much better but i can't do that cause of laws and paperwork and a child doesn't understand that. So that is why now I so ask your father or we will call you dad and you can ask him. Put him on the spot let him answer for his wrongs I should have to.
My son told me before he went to school today that he wanted me to hurry up and marry my boyfriend so that i would be happy and not be so lonely anymore. That he didn't like me sad. That it made his heart hurt. He wants my new boyfriend to be his new daddy so that he doesn't have to see his real one anymore. He wants a happy family with a mommy daddy and him. He said it would be easier on him if he had a family like that and didn't have to leave me alone when he goes to his dads house.
I love my son he is my world and it really hurts me to hear him say things like that. I feel helpless and like I am a bad mom. I know he deserve so much better than what he is getting right now and I feel like I just can't give that too him right now. I take totally blame for all of it but I also know that we will tough it out and that I will figure something out and make it better for him I have done it for 6 years I can do it much longer. But how to I get rid of the guilt and stop blaming myself does it ever go away?