The In-Laws, and the EX wife

Leaha - posted on 05/31/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

I posted this to another forum I'm in, but thought maybe someone her would have some advice too.
*This may be a long one, But I need to vent!*
I don't even know where to start. I am so fed up with the ex girlfriend, the ex wife and my husbands family. It's like they aren't even his family, it's like they're hers. My husband and I have been married for just over 7 months now. We've been together for a little under 3 years. We've known each other for over 15 years. We went to school together and were in a relationship 12 years ago, but that ended when his ex girlfriend told him she was pregnant and if he ever wanted to see his child, he would not be with me. (but it was okay for her to be with 2 other men!) This is an incredibly complicated situation, but I'll do my best to explain. Ex number one, got pregnant before my husband and I started our relationship. He basically left me so he could see his first child, (this was while we were in high school). We went our separate ways and had seen each other several time in the next 11 years. Needless to say, the first ex, of course never let him see his first born, (and to this day we are still fighting for some form of visitation, we currently are lucky to see her once a year). Over the next 11 years, we both moved on and married other people, but were miserable. (in my opinion) I ran into him a little over 3 years ago at the place I work, and we started talking, and had a pretty nice conversation. Caught up on current times and reminisced on old times. I, at that time, had been separated from my then husband for 3 weeks and was going through the divorce proses. He informed me that he was also getting ready to go through a divorce from his then wife, but hadn't gotten everything "worked out" just yet. I continued to talk with him via email, and text messages. About 2 months after that, I started getting nasty calls and messages from his then wife, calling me a home wrecker among other things. A month later he finally moved out, and got a place of his own. That is when our relationship started to take on a more meaningful role. I still continued to get the nasty messages and evil glares in public. She had convinced his family that we were together before he left her, and I was the reason he "walked out on his family". His divorce was actually final before mine, as I have a daughter that my ex was fighting for custody (and still is). We moved in together after his divorce was final, and started to try and have our own life. His ex to this day, has tried to make our lives a living hell. She continues to talk trash about me, and threatens to take his 2 youngest children from him if we are seen doing something she doesn't approve of. She is the poster child for Parental Alienation Syndrome. The youngest, my ss, has called me "momma" since he started talking. Now, just this past week, he has started calling me by name, he says that "mommy beat my but I call Yeea momma" I'm sorry, but a 3 year old should not be being threatened by his mother for calling his step mother momma. I have not forced him or his sister to call me anything, they call me momma on their own. But, yes, now after being called momma for 2 years, it hurts to be called by name. I can get over that though. But I'm really having a problem with the ex-wife being so involved with my husband's family. For example, this past weekend was my FIL's bday, they had a cookout at their house, we had the kids for the weekend, so no need for the ex-wife to be there, correct? Wrong, she's there in all her glory. And of course, I'm the one who shouldn't be there. I'm the one who's bitter, I'm the one who needs to grow up. Why in the heck would I want to be around people that see me as a problem? Why should I put myself through the stress of dealing with people that have so much freaking anger towards me for something they "think" is true, but don't want to hear the truth? They take everything the ex wife says as gospel. My husband can't ever do anything right. And we are always the bad parents, or "part-time parent's" as the ex wife like to claim. I'm not really saying that I'm better than her, but I have a steady 40 hour a week job, that I've had for over 6 years. I support myself, my husband, and my daughter. I carry the health insurance, and pay for it out of my paycheck. We are barely making it week to week. My husband has a steady 40 hour a week job, but 3/4 of his paycheck goes to ungrateful exes like her for child support. She sits at home, refuses to work, lives off of her mentally challenged sisters disability check, child support and our daughters disability and Social Security checks (8 year old sd is has Williams Syndrome). Plus she lives off of the government benefits where we live and collects food stamps, rental assistance, additional food help for children(WIC), cash assistance, free insurance (medical card) and my husbands Grandmother baby sits for her for free. She goes over to her house everyday after school and get my SD off the bus and watches them while the ex wife goes out and runs around or just sits upstairs and plays on the computer. The ex wife makes more sitting on her big ass, than we do working! It's pathetic. The kids are always sick and take so many medications I can't even remember them all. She runs them around all hours of the day, takes them places that children should not be. When the kids come to our house for the weekend, the baby always has a diaper rash that is bleeding and you can tell it hurts him. By the time they go back to her, we have the rash all cleared up and he's a healthy little boy again. Same with my SD, she always comes so stuffed up and dehydrated and just exhausted. By the time they go home, she's breathing easy and feeling great. I just don't understand why it has to be this way, why do they think she is so perfect? When talking with my husband about this (we argue often about it) the only thing I ever get is "they're just scared that she's going to take the kids and they wont get to see them" HA! I've told him many times, she's not going anywhere, she's not THAT stupid, if she leaves the county she would lose all of her 'freebies" she's not going to risk that and have to actually get off her fat lazy ass and work... I'm just so completely lost, I wish I could get over it and just accept the fact that I married her too, and she's always going to be "the daughter" but damn it, why should I have to deal with that?