What do u do when your boyfriend will not help around the house

Ashley - posted on 05/09/2013

I have a similar issue. I have been with my boyfriend almost a year. We moved in together about 3 months into our relationship because at the time it was the best choice for both of us. I had a job when I first moved in but I finally got up the guts to quit after I was being treated badly. I explained to the boyfriend that it was going to be a little bit harder because he would be the only one working. At the time we were both cleaning and doing laundry and taking turns cooking. Now we are approaching the 1 year mark and its like I live with a different person. He doesn't do a thing. I know that I don't have a job but I shouldn't have to be his housekeeper. He yells at me when he doesn't have clean clothes! His mother is a homemaker and he brings it up all the time when we argue if the house inst clean. It gets so bad that I just breakdown and get overwhelmed with the mess. I shouldn't have to pick up after a grown man. He comes home from work takes off his work clothes and shoes and leaves them where he drops them until I pick them up. If I cook dinner we eat at our coffee table. If I didn't pick up after he eats the plate would still be there a week later. He leaves stuff everywhere then complains how messy the house is. I do laundry but it never ends! The whole cleaning all day thing just depresses me. I never go anywhere because my car is broke down and insurance lapsed since I have no job. So I stay in our apartment all day everyday. He tells me that cleaning and cooking are my job since I don't have a job. I understand that but why must I do everything by myself. He lives here too!

Tracey - posted on 05/27/2010

oh brother have i been there before. my husband drove me nuts. i almost had to yell at him to do anything. and i worked. i felt like a single mom, i did everything. and i still do being a stay at home mom, living with his parents. i mean he has helped now here and there and he makes his mother get up off her butt and do stuff. i mean she work out of the house but we pay rent and it is not my job to keep "her house" clean top to bottom. she can do stuff too. you need to tell him to help you. tell him you are his girlfriend not his maid or mother. he is an adult and needs to act like one and take responsibility for his things and the house. i wish you the best of luck

Omega - posted on 05/23/2010

That's the samething i was thinkin thanks for your input.....:) Candice

Omega - posted on 05/23/2010

no your r not its his house and his baby to i no just how you feel.... Thanks estie :)

Sabrina - posted on 04/30/2010

I was in that situation before, and I had enough. I stopped doing EVERYTHING for him. I did not cook, clean his clothes nor his mess. I did not do ANYTHING for him. If he left stuff out I would pick it up and put it on his side of his bed, or his car. I also paid no attention to him. I got so tired of him not doing anything that we were almost like roommates. Hopefully he will get the hint. And if he asks why tell him once he starts to help then you will help. Your not him mother, he's a grown man.

Erin - posted on 02/25/2010

Definately don't marry him. Not all men are like that. I so would kick him to the curb.

Angela - posted on 02/08/2010

Might as well get married now...he's already acting like a HUSBAND!!! LOL

Joy - posted on 02/03/2010

I know, I'm pretty darn late. But I agree totally with Candace. I'm currently a stay at home mom with my own business. I do most of the cooking and cleaning, and almost NOTHING gets done without my prompting. My hubby's generally a good man and a wonderful father, but a total slob, and I feel like his mom. I even have to ask mine to take showers. He tries to kiss me and I have to check to see if he's even taken the time to brush his teeth. I don't want the smell of spit all over my neck after you slobber on me--sorry! He doesn't shave or comb his hair until he has to go to work or class. Romance is currently at ZERO level. He stays up half the day and all night on the computer on days off. He only actually comes to bed two to three times a week. He didn't act this way in the beginning, but has just seemingly become extremely comfortable. He even has the nerve to crack jokes about my weight since I had our son nine months ago (I'm 5'8", 158lbs--hardly miss piggy).

I long for the days of bachelorette-hood when I kept a spotless one-bedroom apartment and didn't have anyone else to clean up behind except me. Sure I pined for romance and passion, but then, I still do that anyway.

Amy - posted on 12/01/2009

I agree with Candice my advice is also to plan a day when he's off work that you're going somewhere you can't take the child/children so he has to take care of them for a day, when my partner did this he started appreciating how much work i do ontop of cleaning and cooking.

But like Candice said he will continue to act this way until you take a stand if he values your feelings or your sanity at all he will have to help.

Estie - posted on 11/30/2009

I have a similar problem. My boyfriend works and I dont I take care of our 3moth old baby girl all day and I cook and clean when he gets home at night he messes up the house eats takes a shower and then goes to bet. If I ask him to take care of the bay for 5minutes so that I can get ready for bed or just take a little break he completily freaks out. He tells me that I do nothing all day and that our house is dirty and he doesnt have to get up in the middle of the night to feed her because it is my job and he doesnt care if I am tired because I am the mother and I am responsible for the kids and the house all he has to do is bring in the money and further he can do whatever he wants. What should I do? Am I wrong to want just a little help from him at night?

Candice - posted on 11/08/2009

he does it because he can. It's like children...if they get away with something, they keep doing it. I say stop doing his laundry, stop cooking his meals, and anything he drops on the floor, either leave it there, or pile it up in one big pile somewhere out of your way, and let him deal with it from there. or kick him out. lol. And let him know you are not his mother and you won't be acting like his mother anymore. He's a grown man...he can pitch in or leave.