1 yr old temper tantrums. is an hour too long to let them cry it out?

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

my son just turned one a week ago and has started throwing temper tantrums like crazy. when he starts i pick him up and put him in his pack and play to ignore it and let him just cry it out. but he just sits there and cries and cries he can go for more than an hour if i dont do something. any tips on anything i should change? its no where near his snack time and usually an hour after he wakes from his final nap so he isnt tired either.


Gwen - posted on 06/19/2012




At age 1 he doesn't even KNOW how to be independent of you, and he shouldn't have to be. At 1, it's his job to eat, sleep, cry and learn. It's your job to feed him, rock him, comfort him and teach him.

Instead of putting him in time out and ignoring him, you should be redirecting him to things he's allowed to do. Put him in an exersaucer, playpen or something so he can be happily near you while freeing up your hands to get things done.

Dove - posted on 06/18/2012




What happens if you just hold him? I wouldn't leave a one year old to just cry alone for an hour. There is a difference between ignoring the tantrum (and not giving in to it) and ignoring the child. You definitely don't want to give in to things you don't want him to have or things he can't have, but leaving him alone to just cry is, imo, not the answer. He's having powerful emotions that he doesn't know how to deal with right now. He needs to know that he can't always have what he wants, but that Mommy will always be there for him to help him deal with his problems.

Hang in there! It DOES get better.... Mom of a kid who has been throwing wicked tantrums since 9 months old. ;)

Stifler's - posted on 06/19/2012




What do you mean tempter tantrums like when you take the tv remote off him or tell him to stop pulling all the dvds out of the drawer he cries a high pitched life is unfair i hate you cry? He's only 1, both my kids want to follow me around at that age (my 2.5 year old only stopped at 18 months) and do whatever I do and be on my hip while I walk around. Maybe at this time do an activity with him or read a story or dance around to music holding him and do whatever it is you need to do later.

Lisa - posted on 06/19/2012




YES. Yes, it is way too long to expect a baby to even remember WHY his mom started ignoring him an hour ago. If he's pitching a fit because you couldn't pay attention to him in the first place, why do more of the same??

He's a BABY. If he were five and still doing the same thing maybe the answer would be different, but he is still an infant. Don't do this anymore to him, please - listen to all the great advice above. He is incapable of learning anything from crying for an hour, other than he cannot trust you to care about his needs.

Amy - posted on 06/18/2012




An hour is too long to let him carry on at a year old, he's still a baby and needs your attention.

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Kimberly - posted on 06/19/2012




Why is he having tantrums? Have you scolded him, taken something away, or stopped him from doing something or is he just suddenly having a tantrum? What is happening immediately before the tantrum starts?

Elfrieda - posted on 06/19/2012




If he's having a tantrum over not getting your attention, I would just tell him, "I'm going to finish emptying the dishwasher and then I will read you a story. Go play with your truck until I am finished." (or give him chores to do, give him a spoon and ask him to put it on the table) and if he can't handle that (hitting, running over to the dishwasher and throwing plates, dangling off your pantleg, etc) then put him in the playpen and tell him again, "You wait. You will wait a little bit while I empty the dishwasher, then I will play with you. Soon I will be done. Soon."

He should eventually know what "wait" and "soon" means, and it will be easier for you. My son is 2 1/2 and now understands the concepts, so it'll be a while, probably! Just be honest and as soon as you are done clearing the dishwasher, go over, take him out, and spend some time with him.

It shouldn't be a punishment, more of a learning experience. It's just not possible to do lots of housework in one go with a toddler around. Have him "help" you (in which case it will go much more slowly but he will enjoy it) or do things in short bursts of 5-10 minutes while he waits.

I think it depends on the personality of the child, how much attention you need to give him. For my son, he is very much a people person. That makes it hard for me, who likes my peace and quiet, but I understand that he really needs the interaction to feel loved. When I'm babysitting other kids or we're at a family gathering, I don't even see him unless he's hungry! All he wants is someone to play with him, talk to him, or just watch him and smile at him. I always say that he shouldn't have been the first-born, he needs other kids around.

Pamela - posted on 06/19/2012




When the tantrum starts talk to him. "Tell Mommy what's wrong. Does something hurt? Are you tired?" At one he doesn't have the dialogue, but if you speak in a soothing tone perhaps he will simply feel that you are giving him attention. That may be all that he needs.

Pay attention to what you are doing when the tantrum starts. Perhaps it has been a while since you paid him any attention and that may be all he needs...a few minutes of your time. Pay attention also to the time of day that it happens. Is it a consistent time in the day? How long is it from his last food? When you pay attention to what is happening around or before the time of the tantrum you may quickly solve the issue.

Another way to deal with this may be simply to have one of those baby back carriers. he may simply need to be close to you. You may find if you put him in the carrier and continue with your chores that may solve it all.

I notice that US parents today do not seem to care about having their children physically close to them. They use strollers, etc, from birth. I carried my children first in the front packs and then in the back carriers until they were around two when they were encouraged to walk. I had 3 sons and I did not ever have a stroller or buggy. They were all carried on my front or back and walked from 2 years upwards. They are all physically strong and two of them are very athletically inclined.

Dove - posted on 06/19/2012




If you can't give him your attention for a minute (like if you have to pee)... tell him that you have to do 'whatever it is' and that you will pick him up as soon as you are done. Do what you need to and pick him up again asap. He may still freak out, but you aren't giving in to the tantrum... you are just keeping your word. I can't tell you how many times I had to put off whatever to nurse/hold my son at that age. His need for attention/affection is stronger than MOST things I think I 'need' to do. Don't punish him for wanting your attention and affection.

Jodi - posted on 06/18/2012




Do you know why he is throwing the tantrums? You shouldn't be letting him cry of an hour. Sometimes a baby won't be hungry or tired, but just wants some snuggle time or attention, and that is okay. You're not spoiling them by giving it to them. But leaving him alone to cry for an hour will create an insecurely attached child, and this can have effects later in life. So If I were you, I'd analyse why he is throwing these tantrums, and how often it is really happening. Many children throw tantrum purely out of frustration because it is the only way they have to communicate their emotions with you. Would you ignore him for an hour if he came to you and said "Mummy, I am feeling sad and right now I'd just like a cuddle for a little while please"? Probably not. But that *could* be all he is trying to say to you.

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