10-week old baby; Working full time; With a traveling husband...HELP!!

Elizabeth - posted on 08/20/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am about to break. I have a 10-week old baby. She is my first and I love her. I went back to work full time when she was 8 weeks old and I started working from home when she was 2 weeks old. Next baby, if I have one, I will absolutely take off 12 weeks before returning to work!

My job is very stressful and it takes a lot out of me. I am lucky to have my mom close by to watch Ella. If it were not for that, I think I would be hairless right now. My husband travels 3 to 4 days a week. He is a sales director so he wines and dines his clients. And he stays out late with dinners, drinks, and sometimes strip clubs ( I hate this but he still does it. Says it is work and he cannot no go...yeah right)!

When he is home he told me he needs "downtime." I about lost my mind on him when he said that. Mind you - he has not been up once in the middle of the night to feed her and in the last 10 weeks I have only left her with him 2 times for 2 hours. And when I came back he could not even remember to do the load of laundry I asked him to do!!

He tells me to tell him what he can do to help. But when I tell him to do something, he usually forgets. So I do not feel like I can actually entrust him to do anything!

I feel soooooooo ALONE! And PISSED off! I am resentful of him.

He says we can get some help, but I am breastfeeding and pumping. I barely get enough milk to give to my mom for when she watches her. Let alone enough for me to go out and do something fun.

Most days I do not even have time to shower before I go to work. I actually wore the same dress two times in a row to work because I didn't have the energy to find something else to wear. Let alone, most of my clothes still do not fit bc I have 15lbs left to lose after having the baby.

I am finding a lot of stories like mine. But no real help. How do I make this work? I love him and I want it to work. I think. Honestly, right now I am not sure how it could work?

I am resentful of my friends who get to stay home from work and go to parks and workout classes and laugh together. So then I do not want to see said friends because I am so envious of them!

What do I do?!?! I need some help!

3 Comments

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Jean Marie - posted on 08/21/2015

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MIchelle,

I'm glad you mentioned to Elizabeth to discuss quitting her job, with her husband. I was going to suggest that and forgot to. Even if you think you can't afford to quit. Your husband must make very good money as a sales director. Or at least take a FMLA for six months or so. Remember that your hormones are flying out of control right now, and as such you will feel things more intensely, besides now being responsible for another little human being. But he does need to take your concerns seriously, especially the bars, the strip clubs and helping you when he is home, and I would add, spending quality alone time with you. There is no room in a marriage for strips clubs and bars. Hope you can use some of our suggestions. Jeanie

Michelle - posted on 08/21/2015

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I would be telling him that if he doesn't help out more you will have to quit your job. There was no way I could go back to work so soon after having a baby. The shortest amount of time I had at home was 6 months and then I only went back part time.

It was your (you and your husband) choice to have a child, there are sacrifices you make when you have children. Your child also deserves to be top priority in it's parent's lives.

Jean Marie - posted on 08/20/2015

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When your husband comes home this week, get your mom to babysit so you and your husband can go out for a nice quiet dinner together and afterward find a peaceful place, maybe a not so populated park to have a good long talk. Without the distractions of caring for an infant, laundry, cooking, etc. take time to tell him exactly what you see happening, what it is that you need from him and include the fact that it bothers you that he goes to strip clubs or even bars, because they are a breeding ground for trouble. I don't know of any business that mandates their employees to frequent strip clubs. Take time to write a list of the things that are most important and discuss each one. Another idea is one I got from an older, wiser friend. She always told me, if I had something important to say to someone who doesn't listen, write them a letter. reading something seems to make a bigger impact than saying it. And they have a visual to refer back to should they become confused about their responsibilities, or lose the ability to tell right from wrong. Write it with emphasis on most relevant points first. It sure sounds like he has a pretty enjoyable life style, and as long as you are willing to allow it, he has no motivation to change. He needs to have a full understanding of the negative impact that this is having on you and your marriage. I don't blame you; my first husband worked away from home all week when our children were born and everything was on me. If I were you, I would have to stress that the strip clubs are OUT!! They have never done any marriage any good. I will pray for your success. Take care of yourself.

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