10 year old daughter is mean at school but sweet with me

Yindsey - posted on 10/06/2015 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My daughter is a sweetheart to me and other adults. She has problems getting along with her brothers but that's normal sibling rivalry. She will aggravate them and things like that but nothing like I'm hearing from her daycare and school. She is out of control, she hisses and growls at students and ignores direct instructions from teachers. She does not get along with kids and will not talk to her teachers or the ladies in her daycare when things do not go her way. It's her way or the highway. I've tried everything, from spankings, soap in mouth, grounding, talking, asking her whats wrong, etc. I'm at a loss. She says that she tells the teachers/daycare that kids are being mean to her and they don't listen. Her daycare provider says she has never encountered a child like my daughter. I'm just at a stand still loss. Help!

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Jodi - posted on 10/10/2015

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OK, in your opening post, you mentioned NOTHING about any possible diagnosed issues with your daughter, but in your second post you said she is taking Vyvanse. How about you actually give details of your daughter's diagnosed issues? Is she diagnosed ADHD? The advice you get here will be different based on the information you give......

Marylin - posted on 10/10/2015

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Hello, when you wrote 'they don't listen', that remember me my 4 year old son who told me that the children at his school are talking and not listening.
He told me they always talking and not listening, the fact is my child loves to talk and maybe he tried to give or give a message to the children and didn't follow.
So try to know if it's not that which disturb your child, that she doesn't feel that people are listening or encouraging her.

Sarah - posted on 10/06/2015

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That is quite odd. Did something happen at school to traumatize her? She actually hisses and growls? Have you taken her to a psychologist? Temporarily you can try externally motivating her as a means to reset her behavior. Set up a system where for each day she behaves at school AND daycare, with no complaints from any teacher, she earns a token (poker chips are cheap). Once she earns five or ten (you set the limit) she gets a reward; cereal for dinner, a movie, a manicure..whatever. This may help her to restart with school and daycare. The thing with external motivation is kids are very smart and will up the ante, "can't I get two tokens since I was good at school AND daycare?" If it doesn't move her to to improve her behavior in a short time frame it won't work long term; she'll either stop caring or want bigger and bigger rewards. I do think a visit with a good pediatric psychiatrist or psychologist is in order.

Yindsey - posted on 10/06/2015

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Nothing major has happened at school. Some of the kids are ugly to her and buly her. I think I'll go to the school counselor over some of this. My daughter at times snaps at my boys saying they are mean to her but they arnt. Also she is on Vyvanse and im going to talk with her dr about raising the dosage. Ill try the coin-token thing. Anything is better then having to get calls once every other week from either the school or day care.

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Angalique - posted on 11/05/2016

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You are clearly only hearing one side to that. Which is most likely the teacher's side. You have to hear her side too. The kids are probably picking on her. And she probably can't understand what the teachers are teaching. And they probably don't take time for her to understand.

Sofia - posted on 07/06/2016

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Is she being sexually abused---brothers or neighbors, relatives, babysitter or anyone else? A child doesn't become this way. Spanking and being a strict disciplinarian is clearly not working. Are you sure this behavior doesn't stem from her picking up that she isn't liked in the family as much as others? This is a time to embrace her, take her to a therapist asap.

Suzi - posted on 04/13/2016

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Is it the bullying that's at the heart of it, I wonder? I've had experience of bullying issues and teachers not taking the matter seriously until they've been given an ear-bashing...Is changing schools a possibility?

Maria - posted on 12/03/2015

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Im no expert, with only one child, but with my son, he lacks social skills with children his age and is disruptive at school, he is also a sweetheart with me and with no challenges and demands, he has recently been diagnosed with ASD, autistic spectrum disorder, he is 7, mayb look into this, it will help yr daughter if this is the case, there is support out there! Best of luck!

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