10 year old girl upset over small things

Christina Jean - posted on 07/15/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I like to think of myself as a very optimistic person. I have a 10 year old daughter who gets upset easily. She can be the best little girl helping with her little sister, who is 2, and at the blink of an eye is acting so selfish and blowing things out of proportion. She questions me when I try to discipline or will even sometimes take the approach "ok, I didn't want to do that anyways. Yesterday I lost my cool with her and gave her a slap on the face (it wasn't hard, think it hurt her feelings more than anything). Yes, I already feel like a failure as a mom, especially when I did that. Today she continues to get an attitude and defy me, so today i have her a spanking with a belt, 3 swats, not sure if the physical approach is the best. I've seemed to have tried everything else. I e talked with her about why her electronics have been taken away, I've tried the loving approach. This is the first time in awhile I've ever spanked her at all. Usually that's not my style. My husband works a lot and sometimes feel like I'm the only disciplinarian and it's not seeming to correct anything as far as this "10year old attitude" I'm getting. I told her today to enjoy life and quit getting upset about everything and she told me "how can I when I'm getting spankings all the time". This is my frustration, because she's doesn't at all!!!!! I try to give her everything in the world, planned activities that she will enjoy, all the extra curricular activities she wants to do, I've tried spending time with her and at times feel pushed away. Not sure what else to do. Between my 2 year olds temper tantrums and my 10 year olds,don't touch this attitude, that's mine. Not wanting to do chores, or do anything but sit on her iPad all the time, I feel like I'm losing my patience. Any advice.

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Dove - posted on 07/15/2016

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It doesn't 'work' so much as in stop it from happening again... it 'works' in that it gives her a place to calm down and both of you TIME to calm down. It's not a punishment... it's a coping technique. ;)

Oh... I was just on Facebook looking through my memories and 4 years ago (the summer I had two at 10 and one at 4)... I was DYING for school to start back up again because of the constant fighting. Now... My teenagers are awesome.... and the 8 year old is better than he used to be, at least. ♥

Christina Jean - posted on 07/15/2016

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Thanks. This is the first spanking she has received in years. I admit the "slap" was a bit over the top and should not have happened. I simply lost my temper. I received spankings when I was young and honestly believe they are fine to an extent as long as it is not done in anger and for discipline, she was being disrespectful, that's why she received it. I've tried the sending to room to "chill," nothing up to this point has worked. That's why I resorted to spanking, I've tried everything else. 😪 Or so it seems. Thanks for the advice, perhaps I will try the "chill" method again. God bless you for having twins and dealing with two of these little pre-tweets

Dove - posted on 07/15/2016

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Stop hitting her for being human... She is 10... even if a person IS a spanker, 10 is way too old for that. Every girl I've ever met is pretty much a nightmare at 10. When my twin girls were 10... they also had a 4 year old brother who was a nightmare... so I can sympathize and understand your frustration completely.

If she is giving you attitude... send her off to her room to listen to music or read or draw or something else calming.... and no iPad. No 10 year old needs an iPad. Don't tell her to not get upset. These are her feelings and whether or not they make any sense to you they are very real to her. Acknowledge her feelings and guide her to express them properly... same as w/ the 2 year old (only slightly different in approach, but preteens ARE basically overgrown toddlers)... and when she simply can't do it... time alone to 'chill' (again, same as w/ the 2 year old).

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