10 year old step daughter dressing to old

Jolene - posted on 01/24/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )




Ok, so I will be the first to admit I am NOT fashion savvy! AT ALL!! But my step daughter dresses to old for ten years of age! Her mom is her best friend! Which makes it even harder. She is a chumky girl and she is already going through puberty. As if that is not hard enough her mom lets her dress like a teenager. She wears leggings all the time. Which I must say I am getting used to but hate them! Cover your butt people!! Wear a tunic or a cute skirt with the leggings! I feel it is totally tacky! Like wearing your PJs to do your shopping!! When she wears these leggings it is always with shirts way to short!! Then she comes in with leggings and boots that have a heel on them! Like a 4 inch heel! Sorry but way to much for a ten year old. Why are we in such a hurry for our precious daughters to grow up?? SHe is so much more than this. Her mom dumbs her down. Totally crap grades. SHe is so much smarter than this. I don't get it at all. Does any one have any good advise? Right now I am trying to bite my tongue. But I have a 6 year old daughter who looks up to her sister somewhat. I try to find cute stuff for her without all the showiness. At some point this will be more than my problem. She is getting to be to "fast " for her age. Husband says it is her moms choice. I hate this!! I can only imagine what is in store when she is a teenager. I have no one to talk to about this. My friends tell me it is the style. I feel like that is BS!! Help! Someone! Am I crazy?? Is it just me?? Thanks!! Crazy mom


Sarah - posted on 01/25/2016




Clothing aside, What do you mean my her mom "dumbs her down" ? If her grades are poor then dad should have an opinion about her performance. What she wears and her performance in school are two separate matters.
My kids wear uniforms at school but at home I tolerate pretty much whatever. It is how they feel about themselves on the inside that I care about the most.


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Lisa - posted on 01/25/2016




Have you talked to your step daughter? Talk about clothes and what is pretty. Maybe even take her shopping to find a cute tunic to wear with her leggings. She might really enjoy your taste and learn to go that way. Here is an article that might be helpful with your parenting: bit.ly/1OKOth9. Hugs mama!

Dove - posted on 01/25/2016




Not your child, not your choice.

I can't speak on every issue, but my 14 year old daughters wear leggings sometimes... and also wear short shorts quite frequently. They wear what is comfortable for them and I'm 100% OK w/ that. What a child/teen/adult wears does not dictate who/how they are.

MaryAnn - posted on 01/25/2016




I am also a stepmom, and I understand a lot of the feelings that go along with having someone elses daughter as your own. So I'm going to respond as though she were your bio daughter.
Pick your battles. You can not control what she wears. If her clothing brings up new behaviours, address the behaviours. Children dont exactly have a lot of control in this world, and what is on their bodies IS one of those things they CAN control.
You might not like it. But it is HER choice. Not yours, not your husband's, not her biomoms. Dont make an issue of it if she is not acting in a way that causes issues.
If she is being treated in a negative way because of her clothing choices... She will figure it out and respond the way she would like to.

Raye - posted on 01/25/2016




I am a stepmom, and my step-daughter's taste in clothes is completely different from mine, so I know a little of what you're going through. I agree that the clothes on the market for that age group are horrible and too slutty. And I try to buy things that are a little more conservative, but that are still more to my SD's liking than mine. I try to compromise.

Here's the thing though.... you can buy her different clothes. You can demand she wear them while at your house. BUT she can wear one thing out of the house, and change when she gets to school. I did that a few times when I was young. If she's wearing the clothes when she goes back to her mother's they may end up "lost" over there. Unless you are willing to keep buying clothes and making her wear them at least when you see her, then it may be a battle better left alone.

You should talk to your younger daughter, though about dressing appropriately and the negative attention of dressing too provocatively. Teach her to have more self-respect.

Michelle - posted on 01/25/2016




I agree with Jodi, you don't have a say if you don't buy her clothes.
You do have a say with your own daughter though.

Jodi - posted on 01/24/2016




Not your kid, not your choice. I'm with your husband on this one. You can hate it and have your opinion, but at the end of the day, it's none of your business if mum is the one buying the clothes. And if the mother is your friend - she won't be for long if you keep voicing your opinion on her parenting, especially if you are going to refer to her daughter as "fast" purely because of what she wears.

When it comes to your daughter, if you don't want her wearing certain clothes, don't buy them for her. Simple.

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