11 Year old boy with no friends

Mary - posted on 01/29/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




Hello, I just joined and I am so glad there is a group like this. I have been married for 5 years and it's a second marriage for both of us. My husband has an 11 year old son who in the five years I have been in his life has only had one play date. He has no friends and spends all his time alone. He is a difficult child to like because he constantly corrects everyone and doesn't know how to interact with people. He acts like he knows it all and can be very rude. At heart he is a sweet kid and I think with some help from his parents he could correct this behavior and have a much happier life but at least his father refuses to correct him. He insults his sister and step sister (My daughter) all day long and when they don't want him around or are mean to him my husband has no problem correcting them. I was teased as a child and when I realized why, I changed and so did my life for the better. I would love for him to be more social and happier but his dad either doesn't want to see it or he refuses to see it. Any ideas?


Ariana - posted on 01/29/2013




Is there a way you can talk with your husband about how some of his behaviors (try to be specific) are not very nice to the boys sister and step-sister and you would like to be able to correct him on this so that he will be able to socialize better and realize he's not acting properly. You need the dad to agree with you on this or else he will think you are being mean.

I would be very specific. He's being 'mean' or 'rude' is a very broad term. Try to figure out with your husband what can be done if he acts like this. Write down with him what you expect ALL the children to not be able to do, you cannot say this or do this to other members of the household. Then your husband explains this to the kids and writes it up about how we don't say or do these things. If you do THIS will happen. He's old enough to be held accountable.

You could agree that they could be sent to their room, or have something they like taken away. I would go for being sent into another room if he's being rude or mean to them, as in, if you are rude people don't want you to play with them. The rule should also go with the two girls, if they are rude or mean they can get sent off.

If your husband cannot agree with you on this than I would teach the girls what to do if he's being rude to them. Teach them if he says something rude to say "that is not true" and walk away. They don't have to stay in the same room with him if he's being rude to them, they don't need to talk to him. They can outright tell him, that's a rude thing to say, I"m not playing with someone who says that to me and walk away. You may need to help them learn what THEY need to do when he acts rudely towards them. If you can't stop him from being rude you can at least teach them how to handle someone who's rude to them.

Also I would sign him up for a karate class, or maybe another social activity. I say karate because it teaches self-control and helps with self-confidence (along with a bunch of other things). It's also an activity that most kids can succeed in even if he isn't a 'sporty' kid. It would also help in that most karate instructors do not allow students to try and correct them or be rude to others in the class. He may be able to focus and meet other boys there to hang out with, or maybe go to camps during breaks or the summer if it's available.


View replies by

Angela - posted on 01/29/2013




Does this child live with you?

If he doesn't live with you, you can't say with any authority that he has no friends. However if he DOES live with you, then you would obviously know.

I'm assuming he goes to school? Does he not have friends there? Don't forget he wouldn't necessarily confide in you about having friends (or not having friends) at school.

Please explain his circumstances more clearly.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms