11 year old daughter, refusing to go to school for years now

Danielle - posted on 03/04/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am at my wits end. She is always pretend g to be sick. Even when I take away the television in her room, she insists on staying home. I thought my be it was because she was being picked on. Then I thought it was because her brier has autism and gets more attention. So I put her in homeschool like her brother and she lasted a month before begging me to put her back in regular school because she missed her friends and liked to learn in a classroom. So I put her back in regular school, and on her second day back, she is faking sick again. I managed to get her to go, tears streaming down her face. I am 25 weeks pregnant, high risk, and cannot physically make her go, or handle the stress she is putting on everyone in the home. Not sure what my options are. Psychologist?

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Jodi - posted on 03/04/2016

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DId you not realise YOU posted a duplicate post. How the fuck was I to know unless I go trawling through all of the posts? Your post ALSO sounds like you are allowing her to stay home.

I'm still thinking she needs counselling and clearer and more consistent consequences. And have you ever spoken to the school to see what is happening once she is there?

Jodi - posted on 03/04/2016

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I'm sorry, but who is the parent here? She's ELEVEN. She can only refuse to go to school if you allow her to stay home!!! If she has been doing this for years, then THAT is what YOU created. You weren't 25 weeks pregnant all these years, so don't blame your pregnancy now.

I would strongly recommend you get your daughter into counselling and also step up and parent her with clear and consistent consequences, which clearly you have not had up until now. Believe me, if you have let her get away with this one for years, you are in for a hell of shock over the coming years if you don't do something about soon.

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Sarah - posted on 03/05/2016

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Marie, homeschooling not an option as mom is 25 weeks and high risk, if she can't homeschool now, she'd have a heck of a time trying to homeschool with a newborn and an out of control 11 yo. Most homeschool schedules are flexible and fluid, this kid IMO needs a schedule, clear expectations a specific consequences.

Marie - posted on 03/05/2016

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I would encourage you to consider trying homeschooling again. Most children who are pulled out of school to homeschool require 6-12 months to adjust to the change. During that time, they will miss the "fun" aspects of normal school, but they will find their rhythm. If she was doing her work at home - just complaining about the lack of friends - try to suggest social outlets she could draw from in order to get her social time in as long as the academic work is being done.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/05/2016

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No one attacked you at all. The wording of your post indicated that you were continually allowing her to dictate her attendance.

What other steps have you taken, anyway? Have you spoken with the school to see if there IS an issue with anything? visited the classroom, perhaps?

If this has been going on for years, and all you've done is fight with your daughter, then you need to take further steps. You need to get proactive. Another poster pointed out that you haven't been 25 weeks pregnant for years...so this could have been addressed BEFORE it got to the stress stage.

Danielle - posted on 03/04/2016

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Did you not read my reply earlier in the thread? She does go; I make her go. I'm at my wits end because there is still always a battle. Not sure why the moms on here go into attack mode, as though I am not forcing my child to go to school everyday, despite an extremely manipulative and rebellious child. People are so quick to judge.

Danielle - posted on 03/04/2016

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I'm trying to figure out how to delete the duplicate. Thanks for pointing it out.

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