11 year old daughter showing violence

Elizabeth - posted on 11/29/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My Daughter,is spiraling out of control, I had her admitted after she threatened to hurt herself. Her grades dropped dramatically,she refused to do homework,was constanly getting in trouble at school,getting detention etc. She was discharged from the Hospital last week and is now showing very aggressive behavior. She started getting physical w/me. My ex-husband does not want to re-admit her. I'm in desperate need for advice. Thank you!!

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Elisabetta - posted on 12/01/2013

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Did you ask her how she feel?
Try to have a dialogue with her but like an adult speaking to another adult.
Show to her that you respect her and realise she has grown up.
Show to her that you are worry for her.
Probably she is aggressive because she is very upset with you send her to the hospital and with her self because she is very confused.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/29/2013

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She is in Therapy because of her behavior and has been going for 1 year. That's what has me so confused., because she does very well w/her Therapist/Psychologist, She uses Cognitive therapy which has proven to be very successful w/kids. ...so why?..like I said her behavior always needed improving but I thought w/therapy,I could get her to open up,she could tell this person anything she wanted and trust her completely.
im just not comfortable with this,her behavior never wen't to this extent, Am I obligated to keep her out of school? She shows such rage during her tantrums. Does she need to go back?

Anna - posted on 11/29/2013

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Hello Elizabeth,

I can see you are doing everything you can to help your daughter.

Drugs are only a temporary solution. There are wonderful psychological programs for children with ADHD. Drugs can help the child to focus, but once therapy has started, the drugs can go.

Have you spoken to your daughter? I suspect she is feeling rejected by the people she trusted. She tells her teacher - then gets suspended. She tells her doctor - and gets brought to hospital.

There are two possibilities regarding the self-harm. Either she is saying it for attention, or she has the urge to harm herself in some way. It could be some aggression that she used to direct at herself, which is now being directed at you.

What kind of therapy is she doing? What for?

Elizabeth - posted on 11/29/2013

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Hi Anna,
My Daughter also told one of her Teacher's she wanted to hurt herself. .She was dismissed from school and not allowed back w/out a note from her Dr. saying she was safe to return, Her Dr. had us bring Maddie to the ER,since she repeatedly told the Dr's she didn't feel safe and wanted to hurt herself,there were no options,We stayed at the Hospital until a bed opened up at a Hospital that deals w/these problems. The diagnosis was ADHD and Anxiety which she was given Meds for. Ritalin and Tenex. 3 days after her release they pulled her Meds because of the side effects and now her Father won't allow her back on any meds and her behavior is getting worse. I have her in Therapy every week,I have her in every special program in school. All IEP classes. I set up more "playdates",got her into Sports,tried to keep her busy and give her the best structure possible. No one has any idea what actually triggered this Meltdown. I hope that helped.

Anna - posted on 11/29/2013

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Elizabeth, when you had her admitted, you probably did what you thought was best.

Your daughter may see this as a betrayal right up there with Judas. Being locked up in a loony bin can be scary for anyone, especially an 11 year old girl that suddenly felt betrayed by the person she trusted most.

I am sure that she spoke to a psychologist at the hospital, who might have come up with a diagnosis. This would be helpful.

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