11 year old punishment

[deleted account] ( 27 moms have responded )

Daughter is on punishmet for awhile.. but she says it dnt bother her. Shes not gonna cry.etc.. so ok.. I need somethg else to do to make her realize im the boss and and she has to do wht I say!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/15/2015

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~Locking thread~

Since the OP has unfortunately deleted her account, I am going to lock this thread. Feel free to start a new thread on a similar topic.

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

Lucka - posted on 02/13/2015

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I personally said there is a NICE way of asking and some people would prefer to keep the question more general and not put sensitive information online. You simply cannot demand that a mother with troubles be completely open with people she doesn't know and given some of these sarcastic and rude comments, i do not blame her and it is not anyone's place to DEMAND she give out info if she doesn't feel it's right. Even counsellors are not so demanding.

Michelle - posted on 02/13/2015

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To both Nikki and Lucka: if there is advice given and then it's rejected because it doesn't pertain to what was originally asked but not explained, then how do you expect people to answer.
Nikki: It is reasonable for people to ask for more information regarding what you have done and what your child has done to deserve a punishment.
It's very hard to give advice on very open scenarios. You haven't told us what you have done so how can we give you other options?
Maybe stop being so secretive and defensive and let us know what you would like help with.

[deleted account]

And to u Dove.. I dnt have to go into detail about my daughter s situation... u r not my counselor..neither my pastor... so therefore I have set her punishment and going to stick to it... I really dnt need nothing else from u DOVE... U A HINDERANCE!!!

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Dove - posted on 02/13/2015

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I didn't demand information. I asked for it, so I could help. I am sorry you do not like my tone, but as a mother who has been through the 11 year old stage... I thought maybe I had something to offer, but I was confused... and even Nikki said I misunderstood, but she refused to offer anything whatsoever that would clear up that misunderstanding.

I've been on this board for a long time and the people here that KNOW me know that I do try and help when possible, but I also have a very low tolerance for people who really don't want any help and aren't willing to do a darn thing to improve their situation.

Take that as you will. I honestly WANTED to help and if you don't want my help simply because you didn't like my 'tone' (by the way... this is the internet... there IS no tone).... so be it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/13/2015

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**MoD WaRnInG**

Stop the in thread bickering. There is a lot of misunderstanding in this thread. Please take a step back and think about your next responses. I see people trying to help with the information at hand. It is not unreasonable to ask for more information and clarity to ensure the best advice possible. BUT, it is up to the individual posting to disclose the circumstances in guidance to their comfort level

If this continues, I am locking this thread for further comments. Please refrain from bashing. We are all mothers here that care a great deal for their children, and ALL are doing our best.

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

Lucka - posted on 02/12/2015

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There is a nice way to ask for clarity..you shouldn't be rude and especially not to folks who have problems. No help is better than being rude or undermining. Your tone is sarcastic, rude and disrespectful

Dove - posted on 02/12/2015

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Actually... I'm asking for clarification, so I CAN be helpful. Can't exactly help someone when you can't understand what the heck they need help WITH.

Lucka - posted on 02/12/2015

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Actually, Dove, i think you are talking down on this mother in need. I think you are being disrespectful. She needs advice and you are basically rudely telling her off. That's rude i reckon..she needs help and not criticism

Dove - posted on 02/12/2015

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Well... maybe if you could write more coherently and give more details people would stop misunderstanding what you are trying to say and actually be able to give advice that would help you...

It's not 'putting your daughter on blast' if you tell us what she did and what you did about it. We don't have a clue who you are... or who she is... We're all just parents and some of us have already dealt w/ 11 year old daughters.

[deleted account]

If its not wht I want to hear then I would say so.. im open to any advice.. u still misunderstanding me... thts y I posted to hear feedback.. if I didnt want feedback i would've posted anythg..

Dove - posted on 02/12/2015

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Well... it's really hard to give specific advice to a general question. You've been given general advice based on what you've said.... and apparently it's not what you want to hear.

[deleted account]

Trisha lee, she has never said i was mean or anythg of tht nature. I dnt have all the answers and I do the best I can to raise her the right way so...

[deleted account]

Shawn.. I have set a punishment level and is gonna stuck with it.. then later im gonna sit dwn and have a mother/ daughter talk with her.

[deleted account]

DOVE....U misunderstood me too... I have not made her cry for any reason... she says shes not gonna cry in a smart way.i dnt intend to do tht ever...mayb she is dealing with in maturely... which is a good thing.i havent thought about it tht way.. No I wouldn't say I am power tripping.. just want her to respect the fact tht shes on punishment and she has to do wht I have told her to do. Lastly im not gonna exactly put her on blast as to wht she did.. I just needed some good open minded advice.

Trisha - posted on 02/12/2015

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You will never accomplish in teacher her anything if your child can sum everything up to "My mom is mean"... especially when she is correct.

Dove - posted on 02/12/2015

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Why the heck do you want to make her cry? I don't know what she did or the consequences you gave, but making her cry is NOT the goal here. Heck, I like it when my kids don't cry over their negative consequences... because it means they have accepted them maturely. Maybe she is saying she doesn't care because she knows it bothers you and she is trying to push your buttons... She IS 11 after all and they can be quite hormonal and annoying at that age. lol

If you've laid out a consequence... stick to it, but do not extend it simply because you are trying to exhort your power over your child. I'm pretty sure she ultimately realizes you ARE still the 'boss' in her life... as you are the one providing for her.

As for anything further... I would have to have more details. It does sound like you are just power tripping right now though... and that will NEVER end well.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/12/2015

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Power struggles never end well. Whatever she did, you set a punishment level. If you now extend that punishment, you are not sticking to YOUR word, which makes you lose credibility.

It is not about power. It is about raising our kids to the best of our ability, with proper tools and actions to help form them into productive adults.

What did your daughter do to deserve punishment initially, and what was the punishment you set? In order to be effective in the punishment arena, its best to figure out what's important to your kid. Does she like computers? Going to the mall? Hanging out with her friends? These are 'currency'. These are the things you restrict, in order to effect the desired outcomes. Open ended punishment, or punishment that is continually extended for no other reason than "I'm the boss, and you'll do what I say", is rather reminiscent of Nazi Germany, IMO...Hitler wanted everything his way, and wasn't above killing hundreds of thousands of people as 'punishment'...

Trisha - posted on 02/12/2015

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My stepson has OFTEN done this. Until he realizes how inconvenient the punishment is after living it for awhile he would act nonchalant.
However, her NOT getting angry or crying about it is actually good. We have had to have multiple conversations with him about acting like an adult while being given punishments related to things he knew he would get in trouble for. If he cries, or gets angry (hes 15, so more often he gets angry) about the punishment that means that he is not actually letting the behavior that led him to that position to sink in.
A couple of times I have made him go to his room, think on what he did wrong, then come to us and TELL us what he did wrong, and what he is going to do to correct it. He then gets punished accordingly.

Jodi - posted on 02/12/2015

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But that is not a reason to punish her more. You don't punish a child for putting on a bravado about her original punishment. You don't punish a child for not crying about her punishment.

But I don't know what the crime was, nor what the punishment was. But I do know you seem to be determined to have this power struggle with your child and that will not end well.

[deleted account]

Thanks foe the advice Jodi.... she has not cried about none of the punishment.. she acts all non-chalant like oh well. ..like she really snt care. She had told me tht she didnt care in a nice way but at the same time she was being smart about it...yes I am sticking to her punishment and if she cant follow thru, then she will be on punishment a lil while longer..

Jodi - posted on 02/11/2015

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Punishment should not be about power (making a child know who is boss) or making your child cry!!!

You have set a punishment for her (you didn't say what, exactly), you now need to stick to it, but now that you know that particular thing is not going to change the behaviour, then you need to look at some alternatives.

Lucka - posted on 02/11/2015

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try and be a good example and do not yell as she will yell back..not saying you do but just saying. You can not lead ahorse to water and make it drink but you cna make it thirsty. I don't know..whip up her favorite dessert and then she needs to earn it?..something like that ..Make her earn her reward. It isn't easy.

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