11 year old Step son's bio mom is leaving him

Kelly - posted on 12/01/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




My step son is 11 and has been living with my fiancé (his dad) and I for 3 solid years seeing his bio mom every other weekend. She is very sporadic and has moved to several homes in the last 5 years. We refused to let her pull him out of the school he has grown up going to, so she pretty much ended up letting us have him full time without hesitation. She moved out of the district simply because she wanted to be "closer to the cities", not for a job opportunity or anything like that. We recently found out she is up and moving to Florida with her husband of 4 yrs and their 3 year old son. I have been a loving step mom (Basically his mom) since I met him at the age of 5 and especially more so lately because of the lack of a real mother he has had for the last 3 years. (She also has a 17 yr old she pretty much gave up on and has let live with random friends/family since he was 15. She is leaving him behind too ) She rarely calls my step son and when she does have him on her weekends she usually is sending him off to other family members because she is busy with her other "plans". She seems like a decent person and is raising another little boy (well, probably lay more so her new husband is) but I know her lack of time and effort with her 11 year old is hurting him...and I get the brunt of it because I am "not his real mom" so I deal with constant attitude and negativity from him and it is straining my relationship with his dad at times ..although I deal and treat him nothing but 100% as my own. ( I have a 9 year old of my own as well) I know he is hurting and is sad his mom is leaving him. He won't admit it but he acts out in an angry way, is VERY jealous of my boy and the mother son relationship we have. (Although, again, I treat him absolutely no different than my 9 yr old) I feel sad for him and just can't fathom a mom doing this to her boy...up and leaving to Florida with (in his eyes) her new family. My question is...do I let this go and keep showing him unconditional love? Do I say something to her and call her out on how crappy this whole situation is? It hurts my heart because to me, he is my boy and he is so innocent and I'm sure confused..I know he yearns for his real mom. Has anyone dealt with this? She is moving to Florida because of the weather. No other reason. And her boy knows this because he has told him! How sad! How could you leave your child because of cold mn weather. I am pretty sure she is a narcissist with no empathy...a part of me wants to let it go but it angers me And the other part of me wants to let her get an earful about how I feel about her. Any comments? Suggestions? What mom does this to their boy. I can't figure it out!!!! Thanks


Sarah - posted on 12/03/2014




He is angry, confused and hurt. For sure get him some counseling. Let dad handle talking to his mother. One thing to think about....When we are angry and frustrated and can't handle how we feel, we lash out. Who do we lash out at? The people that we love and that we know are going to love us no matter how we treat them. I am not saying you should celebrate that your stepson is giving you a hard time, but he knows deep down that he is not going to drive you away. That's says something about how he feels about you. Maybe if you two can spend some time alone it will help ease his pain and anxiety.

Brittany - posted on 12/03/2014




I am so sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart to read it. I know what it feels like to not have that relationship with your mom. Has he ever talked to a counselor at all? I know a place that you can call for free licensed counselors if you are interested.

Live, Laugh, and Cantor on

Dru - posted on 12/03/2014




My heart goes out to you, we are in the same predicament as you im step mum to his two and have my own daughter and I treat them exactly the same but it is hard there always will be jealousy of your motherly bond and all we can do is to try to tell them we love them the same and they are wanted x

Amy - posted on 12/02/2014




If this boy isn't in counseling yet he needs to be, I would get him in individual counseling and I would also get the whole family in family counseling. As far as saying something to the mother I wouldn't, it's up to the boy and your husband to communicate with her. Is there any way maybe once a month you and this boy do something alone maybe of his choosing?


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