12 1/2 year old boy still wetting the bed at night

Summer - posted on 03/05/2016 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I have been having issues with my older son and wetting the bed. He has always wet the bed since he potty trained. He was super easy to train, all I did was put a cheerio in the toilet and he started to pee all on his own. Never had to repeatedly take him to the bathroom. I took him to the doctor a few years back and they said that he would fully develop and there was nothing to worry about. They suggested the adult diapers, plastic sheets, alarms, etc. My son is a deep sleeper so I figured that was probably the issue. He does not drink anything after 7 pm and his bedtime is 8 pm. As he is getting older and missing out on a lot, I do not think this is the case anymore. The bed wetting was getting so bad that we moved his room from down stairs, up. He had the whole basement smelling like pee. I had a plastic sheet on his bed but he would get up and put his pee'd in underwear in the back of his closet or just in his laundry basket and not clean up his bed. He would move his comforter and say that it wasn't wet, even if it smelled like pee. Since he moved up stairs the peeing is not as often, but it is getting worse in different ways. He now will pee the bed, go to take a shower and not actually get in the shower. He will say that he turned the shower on and fell asleep on the toilet and that's why he didn't get in the shower. He will also not strip his bed or take his laundry to the laundry room and then it stinks up the whole hallway. You can literally smell that he pee'd when you start to go down the hallway. Here recently he has been arguing with me saying that he did not pee. There will be a huge spot on his bed that is wet, wet underwear in his laundry basket, and he will argue to the death that he did NOT pee. He has gone so far as to get so upset that he cries and then that makes him mad and he breaks blood vessels in his face. I am at the point where I do not know what to do. I don't know if I should punish or what I should do. I do want to take him back to the doctor to find out the issue, but either way that won't help the fact that he is arguing and seems to truly believe he is NOT peeing the bed. Any advice or perspective would be greatly appreciated. I have 5 boys and I work 6 days a week and he is the only child I have that is giving me such a hard time with this. My 3 year old does not even pee the bed at night and he doesn't wear diapers. So I am completely lost on what to do. Please , please help. Thanks!

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Sarah - posted on 03/05/2016

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So this is a very complicated problem and obviously not just a physical issue. If he can't stay dry at night, he can at least remove his sheets, pjs, underwear and put them in a laundry basket. Discuss this with him, no talk about whether or not he will wet, but when he wets, if he can put the laundry in the basket for three days, he can earn a reward. External motivation will only work short term until the therapists can help him. Kids wise up at start upping the reward. Try to take some time for just him. He is probably feeling really lost, ashamed, maybe getting teased by the brothers. This is a sad child, who may have a physical issue that is being compounded dramatically by his emotional issues.

Dove - posted on 03/05/2016

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The therapist may not be able to tell you what they discuss, but you can discuss issues w/ the therapist and request that occasionally the 3 of you meet together to discuss things.

A good therapist will not reveal private sessions, but a good therapist for a child will also work w/ the parents to resolve particular situations. You should probably speak directly with the therapist and request that you guys work together on this issue.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/05/2016

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I HAVE been through this, but my son's problem was medically caused. This sounds as if your son has behavoural challenges, which this may be a part of. If that is the case, then you need to make his therapist aware of ALL of his issues.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/05/2016

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do not punish, do not shame, do not compare.

DO take him back to the physician, as he could have an issue with anything from his bladder to his kidneys to his urethra.

Sarah - posted on 03/05/2016

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Do NOT punish him or negatively compare him to his younger siblings. If he is deliberately wetting the bed he needs some help. He is probably very ashamed and to berate and argue with him is not productive. You know he wet the bed, so does he, don't discuss it. Tell him to strip the bed and put fresh sheets on the bed. No child would choose this as a happy way to exist. I'd get him back to the doctor and consider a psychologist as well.

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Summer - posted on 03/05/2016

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I was 18 when I had him and his father was in and out of his life. I was in a bad relationship a few years and it took a toll on us both. I then reunited with my now fiancé and he had 3 boys. He went from single child to 1 of 4. A year later I had my youngest son and now we're a family of 5. We are very close but as a mixed family its hard. I meant that his grades are failing and we've been trying everything we can to help him pull them up but nothing seems to work. He's missed a lot more school because of all the doctor visits and he's even more behind now. It's just a lot of things that make this whole situation bigger. I've told the therapist about everything. We were referred to them from dfs. I didn't know where to turn so I turned to them for help beyond what I knew to give. I will talk to his therapist about having a group session. I do feel like all these issues have a play in it as well. With all this being said, when he pees the bed, until I can get him to the docs, how should I handle the situation in your opinion?

Sarah - posted on 03/05/2016

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Missing lots of school at 12, dose not usually lead to failing grades but a plan to keep him at pace with the class. What do you mean by
"He's My first born and we've been through a lot together"?
Was there some sort of trauma or disruption in the family when he was younger?

Summer - posted on 03/05/2016

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So everyone is aware I do not compare him to my other children I was just stating I've never had this issue and don't know how to deal with it. He says he wakes up at night having to pee but doesn't want to get up so he goes back to bed some times. He currently sees a counselor and psychologist. He's at the age where they won't discuss what he says to them with me, unles he's a harm to himself or others. I feel like a failure as a mother because I'm only one trying to take care of 7 and it's a battle every day. As I said I have 5 boys, so some days I'm not aware he's peed until after he's gone. He's gone by 7:30 am. I don't see him again until 6:30 pm when I get home from work. If I don't catch it, that first pee, he will let it dry and try to sleep on it again. He has temper issues and is currently on a mood stabilizer per his psychologist. His temper has really improved. He would get so angry so easy that he breaks blood vessels in his face. He's My first born and we've been through a lot together. It breaks my heart when I see what he's going through and I just want to make it better but he is such a hard shell to break sometimes. Sorry I'm emotional and all over the place and was really hoping someone else had been through this and had some pointers or insight on why. I just don't understand it. I've read about it and asked doctors but don't fully understand what's going on when this happens and what is going on with the child who is going through it. I changed his doctor 2 weeks ago and am trying to get him back in to see him hoping he has more answers. I hate this, and I hate how much school he's missing from doctors appointment. He's failing all his classes but gym and nothing I've tried helps with that either. From sitting him down nightly to sending him to school early etc. The teachers are baffled too. I'm rambling. So thank you for reading lol.

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