12 Year old daughter cant get along with Step father.

Michelle Lynn - posted on 02/17/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter cannot get along with her new step father. She hates every time he tries to discipline or asks her to do anything around the house to help. I do not know what to do or how to help them get a long. I feel like I am a referee and cant get a break. I know this is hard on both of them and all I want is to have a happy child and happy husband.

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Elisel - posted on 01/15/2015

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I feel like i'm going to be in a similar situation here soon. My nearly 13 yr old daughter just doesn't like my BF. I have only asked her that she be respectful and speak when spoken to. I give her the option, when possible, to not go to his house. when we do things as a group she claims shes not going to have a good time, but in the end has a blast.
My BF is a single full time dad to 15 yr old daughter and 10 yr old son(mom passed 4 yrs ago). I get along with his kids well but make careful moves to not cross boundaries.

I remember my mom remarrying a 28 yr old man(who was immature) when she was already over 40. I was 13. I think 12-15 is a tough age. a lot of transitions are happening. my mom got divorced after a year because the man just jumped in, never lived with us, went from being our "friend" to trying to be a dad.
I'm interested in hearing what people have to say for you.
Sometimes I think its just something that will have to be worked out and over come with time and maturity.

Trisha - posted on 01/13/2015

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I used to wake up with my husband's (bf at the time) son and see him off to school. He was not getting to school on time so I woke him up, and sat down with him for his breakfast and just talked to him and got to know him. This was time just for him and I. It was great.
In time he actually was very encouraging of our relationship. I honestly can tell you that I never had that bad of an adjustment period as I moved in as 'the roommate' and made friends with my stepson...and eventually he was pressing his dad to start a relationship with me. It was an interesting situation, but I still feel that the one on one bonding time is very important.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/13/2015

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You say "new" step dad. How "new"? How much time was spent getting to know each other before you decided to take that step of marrying and blending your families? Did your daughter have plenty of time whilst you were dating, engaged, etc, to get to a 'comfortable' point, or did he just immediately jump in and expect to be a parent, be respected, and be listened to? Does he respect her, as your biological child?

Counseling for blended families may help.

Sarah - posted on 01/13/2015

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I am in the place of your husband! I am struggling to get along with my step daughter. It has not got so bad that I dread her coming. From his point of view you need to support him and show solidarity with him, even if he makes the odd mistake. Talk to him about it afterwards when she's not in earshot. We have tried most things and rules have been the most successful. This however has started to fail as my partner doesn't stick to them. I have to put up with snide sniggers and deliberate bad behaviour that my partner doesn't see. all I can say is it hurts when he doubts me and this has now made me lower myself to her level which is proving disastrous and also impossible to reverse. Keep agreeing with him a plan of action and stay solid as a couple, remember she will be out and about with mates soon and wont even give it all a second thought, whilst you are dealing with the after math!!

Felicia - posted on 02/17/2014

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I had the same issue with my daughter who is 10. I let them bond, he would help with homework or show intrest in the things she likes. Eventually it got better not over night it takes time in patience. Dont give up it does get better

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