12 year old daughter pushing my buttons and my limits

Laura - posted on 09/29/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am an older mother (53) with a 12 year old who wants no responsibilities but wants all the awards, iphone, ipad, clothes, sleepovers, etc. She has an older brother, 24, who, thankfully told her things would get better its just the way it is at that age, but she told him I hit her? He knows better and said so. She tries to make me look like the bad guy and sometimes I just cry.

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Laura - posted on 09/29/2014

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Thank you for comment - it was helpful. I know it is a different world today for young people, but I guess I was raised respect for others has no boundaries.

Angela - posted on 09/29/2014

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Many young people want adult privileges and kindergarten responsibilities. Equally though, I feel it's fair to say that many parents try to keep their children "young" for as long as possible.

Now would you be happy for your daughter to EARN the money to pay for the privileges she craves? And would she be happy to do this? It means that not only do you allow her to work for YOU for reward, but also that you'd allow her to do paid work for OTHERS.

Sleepovers will cost you nothing. Discreetly check out with other parents what the arrangements are, what the entertainment is, how closely they will be supervised, who is going to be home and who else is staying at the house.

Withholding of money and withholding of education are the main factors in people not developing into well-rounded, independent adult individuals. Dictatorship nations do this to their subjects!

No-one has the right to feel "entitled". However, at this point in history, adolescents have never had a harder time in keeping up with others. I don't envy them any of it except their youth.

Have a little chat to her about maturity. Point out that acting "entitled" isn't mature. Making up lies and allegations about other people isn't mature. Demanding stuff and stamping her foot (either literally or metaphorically) isn't mature.

And be prepared for some compromising yourself.

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