12 year old neice dating a 16 year old boy

Peaches - posted on 12/08/2009 ( 39 moms have responded )

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HELLO MOMS! I HAVE A LITTLE SITUATION THAT I HAVE TO HANDLE......I HAVE CUSTODY OF MY NEICE AND WHEN SHE WENT TO SCHOOL FRIDAY,SHE LEFT HER PHONE HOME.WHICH WAS GOOD BECAUSE I WAS WONDERING WHY SHE CAN'T EVEN WALK GOOD IN WALMART FOR HER TEXTING EVERY MIN.......WELL I READ ALL THE TEXT MESSAGES THAT SHE HAD IN THE PHONE AND OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG. OK SO SHE ERASES ALL THE OUTBOX MESSAGES AND SHE LEAVES ALL THE IN BOX. THE 15 YEAR OLD 10TH GRADER SAIDS TO HER HE WANT TO FEEL HER STRUGGLE.... OMG!!!! THEN HE TELLS HER THAT HE GONE LEAVE HER WIT HER FEET WET........WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMMING TO? MIND YOU SHE IS ONLY 12 AND IN THE 7TH GRADE.......HELP ME OUT LADIES

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Stef - posted on 12/08/2009

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im sorry i dont understand what these messages mean because i am from the uk.... but obviously they are of sexual context by what others are saying. when i was 13 and i was texting a guy alot older than 15... 23 to be exact and my mum found out about it, and she was doing just the same as all the other mums are saying ... take the phone off her ground her ect.. but actually that is going to make her do it all the more. i wouldnt fly off the handle with her, i would jus sit her down and have a good chat with her about everything.....the boy, if she understands fully what the messages mean, getting pregnant and so on, then she might open up to you andtalk.. if you be harsh with her then she is going to resent you. also you cannot keep her in your pocket all the time, that is not fair on her she is just turning into a teenager and doing things that teenagers do, if you trust her then you should know that nothing is going to happen between these two untill she is good and ready, like i said just have a chat with her, dont shout , talk to her like she is an adult and see what she has to say. =] good luck!

Natasha - posted on 12/09/2009

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The best advice I can give is show her a educational movie of a women giving birth and pushing a baby thru her birth canal! Come and tell me again! With kids today talking never works you need to show them thing subtlety. Come on people did you not watch The Cosby show! It was funny and all but see how they taught there kids the lessons, no nagging just use the things they bring at us against them. Kids are their own worse enemy!

Sharon - posted on 12/08/2009

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1st. confiscate the phone.

2nd. restrict her activities.

3rd. contact the boy's parents, show them the texts, explain that you don't want them to have contact anymore.

4th. control where she is at all times. If she going to the library. TAKE HER THERE yourself. With a computer a library is virtually useless these days. my kids haven't had to leave the house for homework EVER. hanging out with friends, talk to the parents, make sure teh kids are THERE at their house, not going to the mall or the park. And make sure they know you will be dropping her off & picking her up. etc. no computer access without an adult keeping an eye on them.

Kristina - posted on 12/09/2009

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unfortunately the world is gone a little screwy but maybe try talking to her about std's and pregnancy.even show her pictures and videos of giving birth.even pictures of infections she could get might scare her.if that doesnt work tell her about the legal side of things.maybe let her know he can go to jail for having a relationship with someone who is not of consentual age.ask her if its worth it....i hope that helps a bit.

Brandi - posted on 12/08/2009

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take her phone away, forbid her to date (AT ALL) she's too young anyway. She has to stay in and EARN the right to go out with a group ONLY. This is ridiculous. She is way to young to have a boyfriend of ANY age, let alone someone so much older. NO WAY is she ready to handle this type of relationship. If she were my daughter, I would strip her priviledges down to NOTHING. BASICS only food, clothes, bed, period. She will have to learn to EARN some of those privileges back.

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39 Comments

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Rosie - posted on 01/12/2014

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That's bad your niece shouldn't be dating a 16 year old boys are fresh and he could tell her something and she wind up being pregnant at 12 nooooooooooooo

Teresa - posted on 12/12/2009

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I have a 15 year old boy and a 13 year old daughter. I have taught both of them from a young age not to sell out as far as giving themselves to the opposite sex. Even their hearts should be guarded. I have been honest to them telling that a sexual relationship is fabulous, but it is so much better when you allow God to be in control. Wait until you are at an age to choose a mate, get married, and enjoy what God created. So far it has worked. They have friends, enjoy life, play sports, but do not date. It can be done...

Ginger - posted on 12/10/2009

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Planned parent hood is the first step. Take that cell phone away. Have a talk with that boy, too. Been there, done that. It stinks how much our little darlings learn at such and early age. I feel for you.

Artiesha - posted on 12/10/2009

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You need to nip that in the bud RIGHT NOW! But, you have to go about it in a way that she doesn't realize that you have been going thru her phone. Try and talk to her. See if there is anything new going on in her life. You may have to start on another subject and then flow into the real subject of asking her if she has a boyfriend or anyone that likes her. Remember, we were young little girls too. Good Luck.

GUPPIE - posted on 12/08/2009

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Hi Peaches,
I understand your anxiety about your 12 year-old- niece & I empathy with you. I went through lots of it myself during my children's teen years & it seems that you are seeking immediate relief. Many good things were said above that could certainly help you at the moment........
But for the long term, you have brought up a real societal problem on the carpet... & I think that we should thank you for the opportunity to discuss it further.

The widespread use of cells phones in the hands of minors should not be allowed -period-
Cell phones are NOT TOYS to play with in the first place. They never intended to be.
I think that Mr. Alexander Graham Bell intended his invention to be useful for business, industry & the government.......etc & not for children's use.

Minors should not have access to them so easily, I think. & until cell phone usage is monitored by law, all of us will be in this struggle. Rules should protect our kids.
Children of all ages are becoming the primary targets as consumers but with their parents or guardians' wallet which is the " easy way " so to speak, but teaching unfortunately, only i r r e s p o n s a b i l i t y in my oipinion.
Remember that we need a village to help each other out in our kids' upbringing !!!! Educators, school administrators, school districts, the children's parents or guardians, businesses, toys' companies ...etc. with the children's best interests at heart must cooperate together to seek compromise on this issue.

May I suggest a link for you to contact : www.loveandlogic.com
My best wishes to you.
In the short term, simple school restrictions on all phones on school premises could back you up.... So there is a lot for all of us to do......including talking to PTAs, School Principals & our politicicans.

Sharina - posted on 12/08/2009

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wow- put her in a small private school, take away the cell phone and keep her home all the time! I'm over exaggerating but please do something drastic!

April - posted on 12/08/2009

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hey ok so i am 17 and even from my piont of view thats a big problem!girls that age should be worried about slumber parties not boys!!!!

i dont think the age is a big thing but with that kid talking likr that it is

Gina - posted on 12/08/2009

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do you no this lad?if so i'd be having strong words with his mother,that is just not on!!x

Cheryl - posted on 12/08/2009

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Well i am a 28 year old mother of 4 so i know what it means to be fast!! Been there done that... Just not at 12. I have a 13 year old boy that is in to girls but we have that communication so we talk about alot. I also have 3 other children and a 17 year old cousin in my care. What i would say is don't buckle down to hard because then she will rebell to show you who's the boss of her but the text messages OFF the bill all together this way you can monitor her phone calls either threw paper bill or via internet no you wont know wht there talking about but this way you will know when they talk and the key to that is not to let her have that phone all the time the best thing to do is let her know as long as she's honest you to can talk about anything, you love her she's your niece but she don't have to be your friend basically saying when it boils down to it your in authority!! No one will be able to tell you how to handle it really cause when it comes down to it who knows what you'll be feeling all you can do is try your hardest and know that having her in your care and not with a stranger. You did what you could!!

Janita - posted on 12/08/2009

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Hey Peaches,



You need to take that phone away from her and keep it away! She needs to focus on her education and get involved in school activities (cheer leading, stepping, etc). I mean 12, when we were that age there were more activities in the community for us. She does not need to talk to him because he's much older than she is. Idk but take away that phone (save your money and your niece) and keep her in you eyesight for a while because she don't need to talk to him and he try to convince her to do have sex. It's diseases out there, she can get pregnant, she has no idea right now and neither does he. You have the control by having custody of her and she needs to know that this is not acceptable and she is not of age to be having conversations with ANY boys that are not her own age! She is off track and needs to get adjusted to what kids her age are doing in life and it's definitely not what she is doing thus far. Talk with her and show her more positive things and interact with her more because she's looking for some kind of attention. Good Luck!

Alika - posted on 12/08/2009

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First sexting (what they may be doing) is against the law and IS considered child porn which is punishable by the law....second most cell companies do NOT block numbers....third I would definately talk to her and him as well as his parents and explain what is going on and that it is not ok. Take the phone MAY help but it could also make her more sneaky so I wouls suggest monitering her usage or putting her on one of those plans where you can moniter her phone online. Talking to your cell company would tell you the options you have on this.

Sarah - posted on 12/08/2009

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no way would that fly in my house. take away phone,computer and anything else she can use for contact with people. talk with her and set some boundries.
good luck...hope it works out

Michelle - posted on 12/08/2009

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Is there anyway that you can get all texts coming in and going out set to your phone as well. That way you can see what she is doing. I agree that you should sit down and talk to her as well.

Denise - posted on 12/08/2009

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im a mother of two daus they will tell u in minute mom dont play first of all keep checking the phone if have confront the young boy let him know u dont play then if need be snatch a knot in ur nieces behind if dont get handle on it she will have a little one my dau told me once not to be checkin her phone i looked at he told as long as i pay bill i can look at what i want to there is no privancy when im footing the bill pray on it god will direct ur step on how to handle

CAROL - posted on 12/08/2009

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THERE IS NOOOOOO WAY I WOULD ALLOW ANYONE ESPECIALLY A HIGH SCHOOL BOY TO DATE MY CHILD. IF I WERE YOU I WOULD GROUND HER FROM HER PHONE AND MAYBE FROM HER FRIENDS FOR A WHILE.

I MIGHT EVEN HAVE A TALK WITH THE BOYS FAMILY AND TELL THEM TO KEEP THEIR SON AWAY FROM YOUR CHILD, IF THAT DONT WORK THEN I WOULD PUT A RESTRAINING ORDER OUT ON HIM TO KEEP HIM AWAY FROM HER.

Amber - posted on 12/08/2009

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Don't over crowd her sit and talk to her and let her know you trust her, you need to be open and ask her if she has any questions, and share the way boys have talked or done you so you can let her know it doesn't mean they really like you. It will help. If you are over protective and you start going through her things she is going to completely rebel and get in to more then just texting. Talking to the boys parents isn't a good idea either not for his sake but for yours you would be surprised how many parents could careless. At least your concerned about it but what are you going to do go to every boys house and talk with there parents just because they are interested in your niece? No, you need to worry about her, and teach her so she can deal with it on her own, and knows how. Trust is the biggest part.

User - posted on 12/08/2009

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UHHHH she is 12!!!!!!!! still a KID!!!! no 12 year old NEEDS a cell phone!!! what is wrong with the WORLD.. she is a child and obviously needs a PARENT!!! Thank GOD you are here to rescue her!!! She should not be left unsupervised even if that means making sacrafices in your life that seem IMPOSSIBLE (cutting back on work hours, hang out hours or any where u can find time) cause if an ADULT is with her ALL the time (which is realistic for a 12yr old, just comes down to priority) she has no way to get herself into ADULT, DANGEROUS, INAPROPRIATE situations.... from walking to school, to hanging out at home... ALL NEEDS TO BE SUPERVISED

Earline - posted on 12/08/2009

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Quoting Peaches:

12 year old neice dating a 16 year old boy

HELLO MOMS! I HAVE A LITTLE SITUATION THAT I HAVE TO HANDLE......I HAVE CUSTODY OF MY NEICE AND WHEN SHE WENT TO SCHOOL FRIDAY,SHE LEFT HER PHONE HOME.WHICH WAS GOOD BECAUSE I WAS WONDERING WHY SHE CAN'T EVEN WALK GOOD IN WALMART FOR HER TEXTING EVERY MIN.......WELL I READ ALL THE TEXT MESSAGES THAT SHE HAD IN THE PHONE AND OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG. OK SO SHE ERASES ALL THE OUTBOX MESSAGES AND SHE LEAVES ALL THE IN BOX. THE 15 YEAR OLD 10TH GRADER SAIDS TO HER HE WANT TO FEEL HER STRUGGLE.... OMG!!!! THEN HE TELLS HER THAT HE GONE LEAVE HER WIT HER FEET WET........WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMMING TO? MIND YOU SHE IS ONLY 12 AND IN THE 7TH GRADE.......HELP ME OUT LADIES


First i would have sat down and talked to my neice but by you finding all the text messages i would really wanna talk to the both of them. these babies are getting pregnant quit early now and days. i would explaine to her and him that sex is not a game and is also very costly when it comes to your neice getting pregnant. their is no way he should even be talkin to her in that mannor or at all for any reason. and you should really make her understand that rushing to have a boyfriend or sex can wait. stay prayed up mom cause your going to need it

Stefanie - posted on 12/08/2009

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Take the phone away and don't let that girl out of your site. That's my only advice.

Melanie - posted on 12/08/2009

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I agree with Jane Marenghi . Take her phone from her . talk with his mom and dad they may have no clue what there son is doing on his phone . If you had to get someone to watch her before school after school on weekends i would . I use to have to keep a friend of mains daughter at 11 . she didnt like it at all she was seeing little boys while her mom was at work . she was doing good and when she turned 13 her mom said i think we can trust her now well as soon as her mom did that. she got prego had the baby at 13 she lost all of her friend from school . she droped out in the 7th grade . If i where you i would get a friends small baby and let her take care of it over the weekend while the babys mom is around before school and after school . I know it is hard dealing with a child who thinks there grow but i would hate to see a baby having a baby she is 11 and thinks she knows it all but as a aunt/mother you have to teach her the right way of life . and take her to a clinic to get checked out . good luck sweetie

Joan - posted on 12/08/2009

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that relationship needs to be ended yesterday! she is to young to date in the first place because she can't make good judgement calls. i didn't let my daughter date until 16 at that time her judgement was not perfect but was much more mature.i would tell her if she does not end you will.

Manami - posted on 12/08/2009

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That is a BIG NO! she is to young to date. that boy needs to back off!! Boys think of one thing and its not a good thing! i'm not saying all boys are like that but most of them are. you need to give her rules and such. she waaaaay to young to date. and that 15 year old boy is just discusting...

Teresa - posted on 12/08/2009

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Sexting is very common in kids this age. Not that it's acceptable, just that it happens. I'd do what others say - sit her down and talk to her. Find out if she even KNOWS this boy. He could be someone that someone else sent his number to her - the way kids meet now is crazy! Then, explain that 1. texts like his are offensive and show a propensity towards violence and are unacceptable. 2. She is to no longer delete her texts - and you will be checking her phone. 3. IF she has a problem with this, then she loses phone privileges. I assume you pay for the phone?
I'd also check her computer activity, and make it clear that YOU are to have all passwords. If she's on Facebook, make sure you're a "Friend". That's the only way my children are allowed on it.
This is NOT about whether you trust her, this is about a young man making sexual statements to a child.

Jaymie - posted on 12/08/2009

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maybe block his number!!...no jk. but a serious convo with this boys parents is probably a good move. they need to know what he is doing especially since he is still a minor as well. let her know that you will be monitoring her text messages or dont allow her to have the phone for a little while. it sounds like it is valuable to her.

Jackie - posted on 12/08/2009

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You can control him... phone call to your Child protective services will do the trick. Even if the laws in your area aren't in your favor they will speak with him and his parents and teach them that a 16 year old saying sexual things to a 12 year old is wrong. It is sexual abuse and should be treated as such. Screw this cuddling them bull crap. He is old enough to know better and your niece is NOT old enough to know better. He is sexually interfering with your CHILD and it should be take seriously. 12 year olds don't get pregnant by accident there were plenty of adults who watched it happen. Also like the other moms said its time for the talk. Teach her to say no and to protect herself. I don't mean to sound harsh but 10-20 years ago this was unacceptable and its only now because us adults allow it to happen! If we keep moving that acceptable line we will be hearing this same story a few years from now but it will be a 6 year old girl and a 10 year old boy. Stand up and protect your children and their childhoods. I'm sick and tired of adults allowing children to behave like adults.

Heather - posted on 12/08/2009

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I'm 17 and when I was 13 I was seeing a 16 year old boy. My mom had no clue until she found an msn conversation open. She tried banning me from the computer and taking my cellphone away. I'm telling you right now it doesn't work. I would wait until she went to bed and would sneak on the computer. Or I'd find my cellphone and steal it back or I'd borrow a friends phone. Not to mention I would also see him at school. And when me and my friends were going to the "mall" I'd really be going to see him. If she really likes him she wont let you stop her. But because of the age difference and because of how old they are eventually he'll get bored with her and want someone more his age. Or she'll get sck of him. The only thing you can really do is sit down and talk about the consequences of what he's talking about. I unfortunatly gave mine up to him and I regret it. Let her know that she will if she does. And thats all he truely wants and eventually will just leave her once he gets bored of it. I wish my mom had of. she was to afraid to give me the talk though. You could also try monitering her phone. But that could cause some problems because she may get mad and rebel more.

Bekki - posted on 12/08/2009

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Quoting Theresa:

Check your state laws. It could be considered statutory rape because of the age difference. And I think I'd consider confiscating her cell phone. She obviously shown she's not being responsible with it. A cell phone is a privilage, not a right. You can also go to your cellular provider and have texting blocked completely on her phone, or just his number.



statutory rape means actions.. not texts.. Don't go putting some kid in jail (which you cant do since he's not over 17.) for something so STUPID. That is clear misuse of the laws. If you try pressing stat rape charges on him do you realize that he has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life? SEX OFFENDER.. They do not classify what he did wrong, he will be grouped in with violent rapists and the registry won't show any difference.. People will begin thinking this boy is a pedophile rapist or something..



For him to be saying that to her? I'm assuming shes saying something in return to egg him on. It takes TWO to tango.. not just one.. and she obviously likes talkin to him so.. You might wanna take away the cell phone.

Shawnda - posted on 12/08/2009

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Well Sweetie, I want to give you praises for taking care of your niece first of all! That shows you are awesome person. Now to the hard part, my advice is nothing harsh it's to sit down and talk to her. First let her know you trust her and her word is her bond. Cause without that she has nothing. Let her know that her body is a temple and treat like it is one. I have three girls and all are teenager from 18, 15, 12. So I know what you are going through. I love my girls but also know the day is coming. I was a young mother at the age 16. And life with a baby isn't all cake and ice cream. Sweetie just have faith and he will walk you through this. As far as the boy you cant control him but you can control her. Fight the battle you can control and it will all fall in place. I hope I have helped you in some way.

Jane - posted on 12/08/2009

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first, take her phone. second, find out who he is and go one-on-one and talk with his parents.

Theresa - posted on 12/08/2009

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Check your state laws. It could be considered statutory rape because of the age difference. And I think I'd consider confiscating her cell phone. She obviously shown she's not being responsible with it. A cell phone is a privilage, not a right. You can also go to your cellular provider and have texting blocked completely on her phone, or just his number.

Heather - posted on 12/08/2009

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I'd have to say first of all Take a deep breath. I know my first response would be to track down the boy and take measures to keep him from talking or texting ever again. I would still have to wonder too what her msgs back to him were. Does she even really know what he is suggesting. Maybe it's time for her to have a visit to an OB/GYN or to Planned Parenthood to see that actions have consequences. I worked in an OB office as a college student and I can tell you it's shocking beyond words when you see a baby belly on a 12, 14, or 16 year old girl. Do you attend church with her? Maybe you could speak to her, or have someone speak to her on taking a vow of abstinence till marraige? We have talked to our 10 year old about this and she is excited to find a purity ring to wear. I dont know what else to say, but I hope that maybe some of this helps. God Bless, and Good Luck.

Marci - posted on 12/08/2009

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Where do these kids learn this stuff? WOW! Anyway, I am a stay at home foster mom. Mostly Teen boys. Now I know why I don't allow them to have cell phones. : )

Anyway, I would be watching that young lady very closely. I think she would be in my hip pocket so to speak. Keep watching the cell phone. I wouldn't allow her to have it in her room alone. The next step could be sending pictures??? Good you got it. You now have the 1st step. You are aware. You know there is a possible problem.

Good Luck.

Crystal - posted on 12/08/2009

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Uh yeah that's a big NO! I would sit down and have "the converation" with your neice..try to make sure she understands how valuable her body is and it should be kept private and treasured until an appropriate age, etc. Then you may even consider having a conversation with this boy or even his parents regarding the texts you found and your rules regarding her dating, etc. Good luck dear it is a hard situation to deal with.

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