12 year old son being disrespectful at home and school

Kristy - posted on 09/24/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am struggling with how to handle my son that is 12 that is disrespectful, ungrateful most of the time, always wanting more. I feel out of control and need advice from others with similar situations. Counseling is definitely an option and am open to any help! His dad has recently moved back to the state we love in and has total different discipline (not any really) and is the fun, cool dad. I was told last night by his Dad that if I don't change my ways, he's going to hate me. I love my son more than life itself and do everything for him. I don't know where to go from here or honestly where I've gone wrong..


Guest - posted on 09/24/2014




The first place you probably went wrong was "doing everything for him."

When kids have everything done for them, they do not learn to appreciate the work that goes into doing those things that need to be done, or into earning those things that we need to survive or simply want to have.

The best place to start, in my opinion, is to sit down with your kid and ask him what his goals are. He's 12 now, so he should be thinking about what kind of adult he wants to be. Does he want to go to college? What kind of career does he want to have? What kinds of hobbies are important to him? How will he support those hobbies? And so on.

Next, you can tell him what kind of person YOU want to be. What are your goals? What are your interests? What do you do everyday to accomplish those goals? Where have you succeeded? Where are you still working toward goals? And so on.

Once you have a good description of the people you want to be, you can start working together to develop ways to help each other become who you want to be. Give him an active role--make him work for what he wants and he will appreciate what he has and take pride in it. If he wants to be a doctor, help him plan a path that include academic success, college acceptance, and so on. If he wants a new ipod, help him figure out a way to earn the money to buy it. If you have the money to buy it, maybe he can do something for you and you can pay him for his accomplishment--not his time, not his effort, but his ACCOMPLISHMENT. For example, you want time to read a new book, so you offer to pay him to wash your car while you read. Set a price and your expectations up front, then let him do it, and pay him after you evaluate the finished job and see that it meets the expectations you set up at the beginning.

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